Amongst the Ruins
by MelissaMargaret
Summary: In the months following Japan's attack on Pearl Harbor, Esme Masen learns that strength is often born from agony, and sometimes the things we think we've lost find us again.
1. Kumu

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to their respective owners. The author of this story in no way profits from its use or distribution.**

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_Though lovers be lost love shall not; and death shall have no dominion._

_~ Dylan Thomas_

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If there was one thing the winter of 1941 taught me it's that the worst days of our lives are usually the ones that strengthen our character the most.

I stood over the stark brown casket feeling oddly detached. I knew the grief would catch up with me eventually, but in that moment the shock had yet to wear off. It felt like something from a dream as I stood in the center of a sea of caskets, all draped in the American flag, in the middle of a hanger bay on Hickham Air Force Base.

Dozens of people milled around me; some were family of those fallen, some were comrades, and some came simply to pay their respect to those who died for freedom's sake. Every once in awhile I would see a young woman bending over a casket with tears streaming down her face. I identified with those women most of all. They were mourning their lost loves, just as I was.

My tears had not come yet, but that didn't mean they wouldn't. I still could not process that the last few days had truly been real, but as I looked to the west toward the harbor I knew that reality would hit me soon.

I looked back down at the casket that held my fallen fiancé. Charles was a flyboy. He belonged in the air, and I knew there was nowhere he would have rather died and no cause he would rather have died fighting for. We had known each other since we were children. His parents owned property next to my fathers, and it was obvious from early on we would always be together.

Now those dreams were gone and in their place lay this simple casket, containing the remains of what I thought was my future.

I felt a strong arm slip around me as my composure began to crumble. _Edward._ I fell into my younger brother's embrace as I sobbed quietly. He knew there was nothing he needed to say – nothing he could say. The hurt would ease with the passage of time. My brother knew this perhaps better than I. Twenty years old and he was already battle weary. Already jaded to this life he signed up for. It's truly amazing how just a few hours can make such a difference in a person's life.

Edward enlisted straight out of high school. Charles had always been Edward's hero, and watching my fiancé train to be a soldier lit the fire in Edward's heart. Instead of enlisting in the army as Charles had done Edward went for the navy. We all knew that was where his heart was. Growing up in Honolulu gave a person a certain love for the sea that nothing could erase. He trained on the mainland and was eventually stationed on _Pearl_. Our family knew it was his skill as a sailor that earned him a place – only the best were sent to the pride of the Pacific Fleet. Even though we all knew this we liked to think it was the island calling him home.

Whatever it was that landed my brother here I had never been more grateful for it than I was now. Nothing would ease the pain as much as having my baby brother with me.

As I stood there in his strong embrace it was not lost on me just how lucky I was that he was still here. It was a joyous day in our family when word was received that Edward would be posted aboard the _USS Arizona._

It was a stroke of amazingly good luck that he should have shore leave the weekend the bombs fell. Of course that did not stop him from running on base as soon as it was clear what was happening.

My baby was brother is selfless to a fault and cannot bear for others to suffer while he stands back. He spent hours that day helping to retrieve men who were trapped and bringing survivors to the base hospital.

I didn't even want to imagine the things he had seen. I knew he was there in the hospital when Charles succumbed to his injuries. They told me my fiancé's plane was shot down. He was pulled from the wreckage but the damage had already been done. He bled to death on a kitchen counter in the hospital because there were no more beds. Edward held his hand the entire time, telling him how much we all loved him.

He was never even seen by a doctor.

I shook with my sobs, my head resting on Edward's shoulder and one hand on Charles' casket, but was silent the entire time. There was a cacophony of sound all around me – the cries of women who had lost their loves, the odd laughter of children who were too young to understand where they were, the grinding of metal as the fleet began cleaning up the harbor, the familiar calls of the birds, and the water lapping against the shore.

All of it blended into a gentle hum that swirled on the air. All I could truly hear was my brother whispering that he loved me.

I hugged him tight before releasing the lifeline his arms had become. I bent to place a kiss on the casket in front of me; one final kiss to send my love into eternity. I saw a glimmer of gold on the far end of the hangar when I lifted my head and smiled involuntarily. My best friend Rose was standing on the other end of the hangar with a group of navy nurses. They were standing next to a casket I knew had to contain a fellow nurse. I had heard rumors that several had been killed in the fray.

I told Edward I would see him back at our parents' home later that night and made my way over to the only girl I had ever called my friend. She gave me a sad smile before throwing her arms around me, gripping me as tightly as she could.

"I'm so sorry, Esme," she whispered.

"Thank you, Rose." I smoothed her hair and looked down at the photo placed at the head of the casket. The young woman couldn't have been any older than Rose and me. She had a head of full, beautiful curls, and a warm face. Her photo radiated love and compassion, and even though I was in agony over my fiancé's death I felt a pang of heartache for this girl I knew nothing about.

"Victoria," Rose said. "She was killed in the hospital parking lot doing triage."

"I'm sorry, Rose." I had learned the hard way over the last week that death was no easy thing to understand. We were all coping in our own ways, but Rose was a truly sensitive soul. Though she was the same age as many of her fellow nurses she tended to take them under her wing.

Rose was the most nurturing person I knew though she often claimed my own compassion rivaled hers. I knew losing one of her own had to be causing her a level of pain similar to what I was feeling.

"She was a wonderful nurse. It's been very hard on us all."

I nodded not really knowing what to say. It seemed like we were all in a nightmare, just waiting to wake up.

"It is so much worse for you though," she continued. "Losing Charles; I just can't imagine it. You were going to be together forever."

I sighed. "It seems forever sometimes doesn't last very long."

"How are you holding up? You seem to be keeping yourself together quite well."

I smiled at her endlessly kind nature. Rose always shared the pain of everyone she cared about.

"I'll be fine. I keep reminding myself that he loved me, and that he died doing what he was always meant to do. There's no way he would rather have gone."

She reached out and rubbed my arm. "You are amazingly strong, Esme. I know that you're screaming inside, though. You can't hide these things from me."

The look in her eyes nearly made me break down completely. She knew me so well. She could see the frayed edges of my composure. If anyone knew how I was without asking it was Rose.

"Come on," she said, reaching down to grasp my hand. "I want to take you somewhere."

Bidding goodbye to her companions, we set off. After stopping at a florist to purchase two large lilies we made our way down to the beach. A small jetty snaked its way out from the sand toward the sea, reaching out to where the water met the sky. It seemed oddly symbolic.

Rose led me out to the middle of the jetty and sat down on a particularly large rock. After several moments of silence Rose sighed.

"I come out here to think a lot. I get homesick sometimes and when I come to this place it reminds me of the bigger picture. It reminds me that I'm doing something important. I guess that's what they died for right? The bigger picture."

I nodded, unable to form words without choking back the sobs I was not yet ready to release. She pulled two small sheets of paper and a lighter out of her coat pocket. She handed one of the papers to me and I unfolded it to reveal Psalm 23.

"My family does this back home," she explained. "Whenever someone dies we burn the paper and float it out to sea along with the lily."

She lit her own paper, attached it to the lily, and set it in the water before handing the lighter to me to do the same. We watched our small tribute float along with the waves for several minutes in comfortable silence. It was a rather poetic gesture, and I felt more at peace watching the lilies roll with the waves than I had in several days.

"You're going to be just fine, Esme," she said putting her arm around my shoulder. "You wait and see. These trials are only that – trials. We'll all get through them and be stronger individuals because of it."

"Do you really believe that?"

She nodded. "I have to, Esme. It's the only hope we have left."

**oOoOoOo**

I sat on the private balcony attached to my bedroom at my parents' house that night watching the moonlight float gently on the surface of the water, casting the waves in shades of lavender where each white moonbeam lay.

When Edward and I were children we would sit on this balcony and make up stories about the fish that swam just under those waves. Life was so much simpler then. Now we were both scarred and jaded by the things we had endured in the last week.

I feared nothing would ever be so simple again.

I looked down at the papers in my hand, trying not to regret the fact I had taken them out in the first place. I held every letter Charles had written me when stationed on the mainland, hoping his words would bring me some comfort, but knowing they would likely only prolong my grief. My body was wracked with the sobs I had held inside all day and the tears flowed freely down my face.

Rose believed we would all be alright, but how could that be when my future now lay in a pine box?

Since I was a child I had never fathomed a future without Charles in it. He was everything to me and I never imagined I would be without him. Now my future lay before me like a bleak, dark road, winding through woods I feared to enter.

I picked up the first letter and began to read as my tears left the small stains of my grief in their wake.

_My dearest Esme,_

_It is so hard being away from you, darling. All my life I wanted to be a soldier, but nothing, not even that, matters more than you. You give me something to fight for. Thank you for that, Esme. Thank you for loving me…_

The tears blurred my vision as I reached his words of love. I couldn't read anymore. Every letter contained expressions of his love for me. He would remind me of things that happened in our childhood – events that fell together like the pieces of a puzzle, creating the foundation on which our love was built.

That foundation was not crumbling around me and I was powerless to stop it. I looked west toward the harbor where the barges were still hard at working, clearing debris. Everything I had built my life on was falling to pieces, and I now felt the fear that the same could be said for my country. President Roosevelt's speech rang in my head as I contemplated what the coming months would bring.

Everything had changed – of that there could be no doubt.

My thoughts returned to my fallen fiancé. Of all the trite words of sympathy and polite hugs and gestures I had received over the last several days the only thing that brought me even a modicum of comfort were the words I had burned only a few hours earlier.

_Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. _

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**This first chapter is the prologue. The first official chapter will be up next Tuesday. **

**This story is being beta'd by Mackenzie L. and pre-read by texasunshine. I love them.**

**Thank you so much for reading!**


	2. Aikane

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to their respective owners. The author of this story in no way profits from its use or distribution.**

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_"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."_

_~Dr. Seuss_

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_March 19, 1942,_

_Dear Esme,_

_Hi sis. Can you believe it's already been four months that I've been here? I don't know why I don't remember the mainland being this cold, but even in the spring it feels cold. It makes me miss the warmth of home, and the waves. God, do I miss those waves. _

_Do you remember that time when we were kids and you took me to the beach right after I learned how to swim? Mom and dad wanted you to spend some time with me since you only ever wanted to be with your friends. Typical girl. Even when it was just the two of us you were too busy with your book to pay attention to what I was doing so you told me if I went in the water a giant man-eating shark would come and get me. I ran all the way home screaming about sharks and not wanting to ever go to the beach again. Dad had to carry me out into the water with him to prove that you were lying. _

_I'm not sure I ever forgave you for that._

_If I didn't I will tell you now. You're forgiven._

_It helps that you bought me ice cream the next day, even though mom told me that dad paid you to do that as an apology._

_We've come a long way since those days, haven't we sis? I guess my time here on the mainland has really shown me that. We're grown up now. It feels different being here this time. It feels more real. I'm not exactly scared, but I'm sure not as brave as I could be. You know what I do when I want to feel brave? I think about my sister. I think about that crazy girl who made up stories about man-eating sharks just to terrify a six-year-old. _

_Sometimes I think about how it took dad weeks to convince me the water was safe after that day, but once I realized it no one could pull me away from Mamala Bay again. So really I have you to thank for my first encounter with bravery (and for my love of surfing). _

_Other times, though, when I need to feel a rush of courage I think of you on that day in the hangar bay at Hickham. The way you stood tall in the face of devastation and said goodbye to Charles with a smile __because you knew wherever he was, he would be happy. We both knew that he would die doing what he loved._

_That's the image I cling too when they tell us the news coming out of Europe. It makes me remember what I'm doing here and why. _

_I've made a few friends here. The other night I had a drink with one of the guys, Jasper. He doesn't have any family left so he enlisted just so he could belong somewhere. You always tell me I was born to do this. Well, last night I told Jasper he was. He's a natural at it. I think he always belonged here. It makes me want to believe in that fate stuff you and Rose are always talking about._

_There is no word yet as to where I will be permanently stationed or when I might be sent overseas. I no longer consider this an option. It is now inevitable. Do not worry for me, though, sis. You and I both know this is what I'm meant to do._

_Give my regards to everyone on the island, and soak up some of those rays for me. I love you, Esme._

_Your favorite brother,_

_Edward_

I laughed even as the tears glazed over my eyes.

_Favorite brother._

He had been saying that since we were teenagers. It was a long standing joke in our family given that he was my only brother.

It had been four months to the day since I had last seen Edward. After the attack on Pearl Harbor he was granted temporary leave and went through rigorous psychological treatment under military doctors to come to terms with the things he had seen that day. He went back to work on Pearl the first week of January, but was reassigned to a training base on the mainland the second week of February. It was now April and I was holding my second letter from my baby brother. Each one was postmarked for the month anniversary of the date that he left.

To say it these last six months had been the hardest I had ever endured would be a vast understatement.

Once the shock wore off and the grief set in I nearly lost all sense of who I was. I barely emerged from my room that month, not wanting to burden my family with my depression and terrible mood swings.

Every day was an uphill battle toward normalcy, and more than once I simply gave up and screamed, cried, and even smashed things.

It had become so distressing to my parents that at one point they had gone into my father's study to discuss possibly sending me to my maternal grandparents' house on the mainland. They thought they would help me by sending me away from the place that held so many memories of Charles.

I understood their logic. After all, time and distance heal all wounds, right? I knew, though, that taking me away from my home and all the people I loved would only do more harm than good. Oahu was where I belonged. It was home, whether Charles was here with me or not, there was no better place in the world for me for me than where I was.

That was the day I vowed not to let my personal grief stand in the way of the relationships I still had. My parents, Edward, and Rosalie were instrumental in helping me manage my grief and get to a place where I was no longer angry.

I was determined to be as strong as I had been the day we buried Charles, but it was my brother who finally convinced me that I was justified in my anger and grief, and that I shouldn't let our parents take that away from me by threatening to send me to the mainland.

I spent the last days before Edwards's departure in a state of immense grief. The pain and heartache I felt those days far surpassed what I had experienced in the days when I first let my grief for Charles overwhelm me.

Although I knew it was not the case I felt like I was being abandoned by my brother. I screamed at him for hours the day before he left and even threw a dinner plate at his head. He stood there as solid as a rock while I unleashed my pain on him, and never said a word until I collapsed on the kitchen floor and let the tears flow freely.

Edward did nothing more than sit down beside me, pull me into his arms, and let me cry my frustrations out while repeatedly hitting him in the chest. He softly whispered that he loved me and that he was sorry over and over again until I fell asleep on the floor in his arms.

I woke the next morning in my bed. The shame rolled over me in waves as I recalled what I had done. Edward deserved nothing more than my love and my support, and I had failed him in both of those things.

I just barely made it to the base that day to say goodbye. His smile nearly took my breath away as I threw myself into the arms of the brother I didn't deserve. The tears that fell that day were neither born from grief nor anger. They were the tears of a woman who realized everything she still had to live for just in time to begin cherishing those things once more.

So, to see Edward write that he would call on images of me when in need of courage humbled me beyond measure. I knew no soul alive who was braver than my brother. He was always the first person to put himself on the line to save the lives of people he did not even know. He saw things that day that no one should ever see. Did things no one should ever be called upon to do. He was only nineteen years old, yet he had lived more than some who were near the end of long lives.

And, of course, being a typical younger brother he would bring up a moment I was not particularly proud of. The day of the man-eating shark incident was the first time my parents had ever yelled at me. As a nine-year-old girl I couldn't comprehend why I was in so much trouble. All I wanted was for Edward to leave me alone, but not get into any trouble either.

He had only ever been swimming in the pool at our house. I knew the undercurrent in the bay could catch him and he would never know what to do. I thought I was being smart in keeping him out of the water, but now, with the clarity of distance, and several tragic events to sharpen my focus, I could see what I should have done.

Now I would give anything to be out in that water with my brother, enjoying the sun, getting an ice cream, and sitting out on the surf boards. Back then, I was too wrapped up in my own little world to spare my brother a single afternoon of fun.

I couldn't change the past, but that did not mean I couldn't make it up to him now. Edward's number one complaint when he was in basic training was that he couldn't get any guava on the mainland. I could slip down to the grocer later this afternoon and pick some up to send to him along with my letter.

I quickly made my way to the small writing desk in my bedroom and retrieved a pen and some paper. I made my way down the stairs and onto the deck that overlooked the large swimming pool. It was a warm morning, but a gentle breeze still blew cool air, and the sun was high, not a single cloud in the cerulean sky.

It was a perfect Hawaiian day, but just as all recent days, it was overshadowed by the looming reality of war.

Ships could be seen in the harbor bustling with activity and wartime training. The whole island had a businesslike air to it, and people moved around in a somber fashion.

Oahu was in the business of military. It was what we lived and breathed on this island.

The pain inflicted by Japan's attack on the heart of the Pacific Fleet was not something that time would soon erase.

These wounds would be present _forever_.

Long after the lives of those who lived it were extinguished.

With a heart full of yearning for the long past days of man-eating sharks I began to write.

_April 12, 1942_

_Dear Edward,_

_I cannot honestly remember if I ever verbally apologized for the incident at the beach. It seems strange that you would forgive me for something for which I may not have made amends. So with that in mind, just in case I didn't say it then let me tell you that I'm sorry. When you come home we'll have a day at the beach – just the two of us. We can do whatever you want. _

_I wish you were here to enjoy this warm weather with me, but I'm convinced it can't possibly be as cool on the mainland as you say it is. I think your perception is faulty from too many years in paradise._

_Speaking of paradise, I'm sending some things from home that are sure to brighten your mood. I know how sad it makes you that you can't get any guava over there. I just hope they ship okay and haven't gone bad by the time they reach you._

_Since you included a story from our childhood in your letter I'm going to return the favor. Remember teaching me how to surf with Charles? I was so awful it was a wonder that the two of you kept trying to help me improve all afternoon. I even broke your board on a rock and you became angry and threw a guava at my head. _

_Our parents have never understood why we like to throw fruit at each other so much. I wish I could be there to throw the ones I'm shipping to you, as per tradition. _

_I'm glad you're making friends on base. It always helps to have someone around who understands the position you're in and can help you forget about it for a little while. Jasper sounds like a great guy. I know Rose has been just as important in helping me come to terms with my new reality as well. _

_On a more serious note, it is very conflicting for me to hear you talk about my bravery. I'm not brave, Edward. You are brave. You were destined to be a sailor, baby brother. I'm so proud of you. You will always be my hero. _

_It is still a struggle every day for me to overcome the loss of Charles, and now your absence. I do not want you to feel any guilt for not being here, however. You are where you're meant to be. _

_Every day I wake up and look at my photograph of you in your uniform. You exude the confidence of a man who has his purpose in life, and it gives me the strength to believe there is still something in this world for me. _

_Keep your chin up little brother. I can't wait to see you again. Love you always._

_Your amazing sister,_

_Esme_

I leaned back in the wicker chair and read through the letter once, hoping the censors didn't find anything wrong with it, before I heard the patio door open.

"Good morning, dear," Rose's cheery voice sang.

"It's nearly noon, Rose."

She sat down in the chair opposite mine and glanced at the letter. "Edward?"

I nodded. "I received one from him this morning."

"What's the latest news?"

I shrugged. "Not much. He still isn't sure when he'll be sent overseas. He's made some friends, though." I laughed. "He also brought up the man-eating shark."

"I remember that day." She shook her head, laughing. "I never thought he would go into that water again."

"Yes, well, I got him back. I brought up the day they taught me how to surf."

She cocked an eyebrow. "Of course you did. It was the beginning of many years of sibling rivalry through fruit throwing."

We both dissolved into a fit of adolescent laughter.

"It feels so good to laugh again," I finally said.

"There have been good moments these last few months, haven't there?"

I smiled sadly. Rosalie Lillian Hale was the sweetest person I knew. When we were children my mother would tell her she must have been spun from the sugar cane that came from the land.

I failed our friendship as terribly as I failed my relationship with my brother during that first month after Charles's death.

No matter how much I pushed her away, though, she never budged.

She would stand in my bedroom while I screamed and cried and told her I wanted to be left alone.

She _never_ left me alone.

I was angry about it then, but I saw now why she did it and I was eternally grateful. She absorbed my pain into herself and pushed her strength into me. She never wavered – always stayed strong, even when I was my most hateful towards her. She knew it wasn't me talking. She knew the grief was eating me alive and that it would stop at nothing to break me.

Rose broke my grief.

The combined efforts of her and my brother pulled me out of my own personal hell, and back into the brightness of all that I still had.

It had taken a long time to be able to sit outside in the sunshine and laugh with my best friend, but because of her, I could enjoy my life again.

I wanted to get out of the chair and hug her, but a week ago she told me I was hugging her too much and I was now banned from hugging except in extreme circumstances.

"There have been wonderful moments, Rose," I said. "Thanks entirely to you."

She let the compliment roll off her like always, and smiled at me.

"I could never have helped you out of the dark if you hadn't truly wanted out."

"You did force the issue a little bit," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Yes, well, I saw that you were ready so I gave you a push."

My eyes fell to the ring I wore on a chain around my neck. I picked it up and watched the sun dance across each diamond.

"I feel like I'm leaving him behind." My voice was low and steady, but I could hear the heartache seeping through. I knew Rose could hear it too from the way her face fell.

"You're not, honey. He'll always be with you, but you have to live your life. You know that's what he wants for you. Charles only ever wanted you to be happy, no matter what happened to him."

I knew she was right. Charles would be disappointed by the way I behaved in the aftermath of his death. He would want me to move on – to enjoy my life.

It wasn't going to be easy, though. Every day was still an uphill climb.

I nodded at Rose, confirming for her that I knew what she was saying was true.

"Do you think you're up for a little fun this afternoon?"

"What do you have in mind?"

"A few of the nurses are going down to Water's Edge by Waikiki to listen to some jazz. We can tag along."

"Alright," I said. "But first I need to buy some guava and send this letter to Edward with the fruit."

Rose rolled her eyes. "Why does it not surprise me you're sending him fruit when you brought up the surfing lessons in your letter?"

I laughed. "He misses them, and I'm more than happy to do whatever I can to increase my baby brother's morale."

We walked back into the house to find my mother rolling a large stack of _Speak American_ posters on the breakfast table.

"Good morning, Mrs. Masen." Rose walked right over and kissed my mother on the cheek. She had always treated my parents as if they were her own, and she probably always would. That's why she was also allowed to simply walk into our house whenever she pleased.

"It's nice to see you this morning, Rosalie. You're looking well."

My mother also never called Rose by her shortened name in her life even though Rose prefers it. She loved it when my mother calls her Rosalie though. My mother is the only person Rose allows to call her by her full name.

"Where are you girls headed off too?"

"I have to mail this letter to Edward, and then we're going to listen to a little jazz," I replied.

My mother pursed her lips for a brief moment, but didn't say anything. She didn't approve of leisure activities during wartime. She couldn't understand that having an outlet to forget about day to day worries every once in a while was a good thing. It boosted civilian morale.

"Well don't forget to take your masks with you," she said, pointing to the cumbersome gas mask hanging by the door.

It was greatly frowned upon by the military police to be in public without a mask. Citizens were required to carry them _everywhere_.

"Of course, mother. I won't be gone that long." I gave her a hug and made my way to the door while Rose hugged my mother and told her goodbye.

We both grabbed our masks and headed down the walkway toward town, carrying the masks like purses.

Springtime in Hawaii had always been my favorite season. It was warm, but not hot. The sun came out every day, and rarely could a cloud be found in the sky. The plant and animal life thrived, and there was always an air of happiness around. Even though the islands were under martial law, none of us considered ourselves to be truly safe. Despite the fear it was still possible to see the carefree Hawaiian spirit underneath the fear of war.

We walked with gentle steps down the small hills that led from our affluent neighborhood into the outskirts of Honolulu. Barely even three blocks from my home was one of the last remaining Japanese American grocers. How old man Kimura stayed in business I would probably never know.

More and more Japanese Americans were being loaded onto ships every day, destined for detention camps. The streets of Honolulu were dotted with boarded up shops and restaurants that had been shut down by the military, and whose owners were rounded up and shipped to the mainland.

Mister Kimura had been giving Edward and me fruit at a discount since we were children, and he always enjoyed teasing us about our tendency to throw it at each other rather than eat it.

"To be a child again," he would say, his voice full of wistful longing.

We found Mister Kimura outside of his small shop, sweeping the path between the papayas and the pineapples. He waved to us and nodded with a smile to the crate that was overflowing with guavas.

The old man knew us well.

"I give them to you free, Esme. I don't want their military money."

I nodded, knowing I could never fight him on it, but I vowed to ask mother to bring him some food so he could at least feed his family for one more day.

I grabbed a couple pieces of fruit, waved goodbye to Mister Kimura, and walked across the street to the small post office where Rose was already getting the correct parcel.

After confirming with the Victory Mail clerk that I could indeed ship the fruit to the mainland we bundled everything up, handed the clerk one of the new military issued dollar bills, and sent Edward a small piece of home.

I couldn't wait to get his reaction.

Rose and I managed to get enough money together for a cab ride down to the beach instead of choosing to walk. It was already half past two and the small jazz band that played on the weekends would be starting soon.

Several army trucks passed us as we pulled up in front of the restaurant, reminding me, as always, of all that had changed in the last six months.

Rose led me through the crowd quickly to a large corner booth that overlooked Mamala Bay. Several of the women I had seen with Rose in the first days after the attack were at the bar, along with some I had never seen before. We sat down and Rose introduced me to one of the new nurses who had been stationed on _Pearl_, Alice.

She was one of the smallest girls I had ever seen, but she was beyond sweet and I knew I adored her immediately.

"Rose tells me you're also from Honolulu," she said, her voiced laced with the wonder of a child on Christmas morning.

I smiled. "All my life; my grandparents grew sugar cane."

"I love it here!" Her voice grew more and more excited with every word. "It must be amazing to grow up in a place as beautiful as this."

She had the brightest smile and highest voice and was obviously full of perpetual energy. I could see why Rose liked her so much. She would be a wonderful person to have around when the weight of the world became too intense.

"Amazing barely covers it," I said.

"Rose tells me stories all the time about all the things she's done around the island. You'll have to share your own someday."

"Of course; I would love that."

She beamed at me, her bright blue eyes brimming with happiness. I could tell I was going to become very good friends with Alice. I could not help but love her.

The three of us made small talk for several moments while civilians and military personnel milled around us.

Alice had just been assigned to _Pearl_ a week ago and she was overflowing with enthusiasm over all that there was to see and experience on the island. She made Rose and me promise to take her to some of the areas that were under less supervision so that she could get the true feel for life on Oahu.

As the band began their first set I turned my attention to beach outside the large window, longing for the days Alice wanted to hear stories about. The days when Waikiki beach wasn't surrounded by a barbed wire fence, people could come and go as they pleased at any hour of the day or night; there was no war, no heartache – nothing but family, friends, and Charles.

I had to wipe a stray tear at the thought of my fiancé. He had always loved going to the large dance halls every weekend. He would put on his dress uniform, I would wear my nicest red swing dress, and we would dance halfway into the night.

In the aftermath of the attack on _Pearl_ most of the dance halls had been forced to close. One of the effects of martial law was a six p.m. curfew every night. There was no way for any of the evening entertainment establishments to keep themselves in business.

I felt Rose's hand on my arm and turned to see her sympathetic smile.

"Are you okay? We can leave if you want."

"I'm fine, Rose. I was just thinking about how we used to go dancing every weekend."

She leaned her head on my shoulder and rubbed my arm soothingly.

"I know you still don't want to hear this, but one day, Esme, there will be dancing again. I promise."

Another tear slipped down my cheek before Rose pulled me out of the booth.

"I know when things are too much for you, Esme. We'll go back to your house and see if your mom might make us some homemade ice cream."

"Rose…" I protested.

"I know, I know; food rationing. I don't care right now. You deserve ice cream so I'm going to make sure you get it."

We said goodbye to Alice and several of the other girls before making our way down to the line of cabs that were waiting to take home people who had taken one drink too many.

**oOoOoOo**

An hour later found us sitting on the veranda at my parents' house enjoying my mother's homemade vanilla ice cream. There was only a short time left until the mandatory curfew when Rose would have to be home and everyone was required to pull down their blackout curtains, so I wanted to spend every last minute of daylight left outside.

"Esme, I know sometimes you think I push you too hard to get back into your routine, but it's only because I'm worried about you."

Rose's voice was light but contained an undercurrent of concern. I knew that I still worried her. I may not have thrown anything at her or screamed at her in several months, but events like the overwhelming sadness that had plagued me in the restaurant proved to her that the gaping hole in my heart was not yet completely healed.

I doubted it would be for quite a long time.

"It's not your fault, Rose. I thought I would be fine today. I guess I just let my thoughts run away with me."

She sighed. "It happens. That's why I brought you home. You took a giant step today and went out to enjoy something that you haven't enjoyed since Charles's death. I'm proud of you."

"Thanks, Rose. Have I ever told you what an amazing friend you are?"

"Every day since we were two," she declared proudly.

I swatted her arm playfully. "So conceited you are."

"No darling; just very self-assured."

"Will you be in church tomorrow?" She stood and picked up both our bowls.

"You know I wouldn't miss it," I replied.

"Good." She rubbed my arm, and placed a kiss on my cheek. "I'm going to get home before they start checking for curfew breakers. You sit here and enjoy the rest of the sundown."

I leaned back in my chair and curled my legs underneath me, remembering the first time I had watched a Hawaiian sunset with Charles.

I had just turned sixteen and Charles took me to _Diamond Head_ for the day. We sat on the edge of the magnificent crater and watched the sun sink toward the horizon in a beautiful display of orange and yellow.

It was the first time he told me he loved me.

I knew I would never forget that moment, or the way his arms felt around me, or the soft way he whispered my name right before he kissed me for the first time.

I smiled as I recalled how nervous he was to kiss me that day. I never figured out why he would think I might reject him. I had never asked him about it. It was one of those things I thought I had more time to find out.

Now I would never know.

Regardless of all that I had lost, however, nothing could keep me from smiling, because at one time I had held everything I wanted in the palm of my hand.

My mother used to tell me that true love was something rare. Not everyone experienced it as I had, and not everyone who had experienced true love valued it as they should.

I would always be grateful for the love that Charles and I shared, and though he was no longer here, I knew wherever he was, he was smiling – just as I was.

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**Aikane is a Hawaiian word for friend.**

**Endless thanks to Mackenzie L. for beta-ing and texasunshine for pre-reading.**

**Thanks for reading! I hope you're enjoying it so far.**


	3. Hui

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to their respective owners. The author of this story in no way profits from its use or distribution.**

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_Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love._

_~ Mother Teresa_

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_A chilly wind blew through the palm trees as I stared at the ground, unmoving._

_I couldn't bring myself to pull my eyes away from the blade of grass that held my focus._

_If I looked up I would see the six foot hole. If I looked beyond that I would see the casket._

_I couldn't look at the casket. Not now that we were here in the cemetery. I had held myself together in the hangar bay at Hickham – the military send off. I had held myself together at the private, family funeral at St. Andrews Cathedral. _

_The cemetery was a different matter. There was such a sense of finality to this final act of watching my fiancé be lowered into the ground. I wasn't sure my composure would last. _

_I saw a glimpse of movement out of the corner of my eye as someone rose from their chair. I heard the heartbreaking words of a father as he mourned his only son. _

_Loving… Kind… Fighter… Strong…_

_Each word blew away on the breeze as if they had never even been uttered._

_The many adjectives used by Mr. Evenson to eulogize his son no longer held any meaning for me. Nothing did unless Charles himself was here to share it with me. _

_I felt a scream rise in my chest and my hand shook with rage. _

_Charles was not here. Charles was in a pine box being lowered into the ground. Nothing would ever be right again. _

_I felt my mother's hand cover mine. I wondered if she knew how angry I was or if she thought my control over my grief was finally breaking. _

_Maybe it was._

_Maybe my anger was my grief. _

_I heard her whisper in my ear that she loved me, but her words sounded muffled, as if I were underwater._

_I felt as if I were underwater – fighting my way to a surface that now held nothing but pain. _

I woke with a start, panicking as my chest heaved with the weight of the dream.

I had dreamt of Charles nearly every night since the attack, but never had there been one like this. The first several nights I had nightmares about what happened that day. Almost everyone on the island did. The things we all had seen were beyond horrifying.

After the first week the dreams became an effort by my unconscious mind to replay every moment Charles and I had ever spent together. Some of them were happy, some of them were sad, but they were all things that had taken place in our life together. Scenes of the day we met as children, the first time he held my hand, our first date, our first kiss, the day he enlisted, the day he proposed – all flitted through my dreams every night.

The first night was the worst. That night I dreamt of the night Charles proposed, on the white sand of Waikiki Beach, under a full moon. Every detail of the dream was so vivid, so _real_. I could feel the pressure of his hand as he slipped the ring on my finger. I could hear the weight of emotion in his voice as he asked me to marry him. I could see the waves crashing against the sandy beach with more clarity than ever before. I could feel the solitary tear slip down my cheek as I lived the happiest moment of my life.

I woke in the middle of the night with tears running down my face. It was all I could do not to start screaming in torturous pain.

Every night after that my dreams contained a different moment from our love. As time went on, though, the dreams became less distressing. I slowly got to a point where I woke up with a smile on my face for the love that I'd had, rather than tears for the love that I had lost.

There were occasional setbacks, just as I had known there would be. Nights like tonight when an unhappy memory would fight its way to the surface and cause me to wake in agony.

It had been weeks, though, and I had been entirely unprepared for it.

I sat upright in bed, bathed in total darkness from the blackout curtains, trying to put the dream in perspective.

_Why had I suddenly dreamed of the funeral?_

I leaned back against the pillows and mulled it over in my mind for what seemed like hours.

There was no logic too it, but grief was often illogical.

I had learned that the hard way over the last several months.

Sighing, I sat up and reached over to turn on the lamp. I opened the top drawer of my bedside table and reached for the letters I had placed underneath my great-grandmother's prayer book.

_My dearest Esme,_

_It is so cold here, my darling, without the warmth of your smile to chase away the chill. The balmy winters on Oahu could never compare to the frosty chill of Fort Rucker. I wish I could see your face in a more lifelike medium than print, but I should tell you, I keep your photograph beside my bed in the barracks, underneath the stack of letters you have sent me. Many of the other men do the same thing, but none of their girls can ever compare to my Esme. _

_You are the most beautiful of them all. _

_I am happy to hear that Edward intends to enlist. It has been clear that he would since we were children. Do you remember how he and I would make planes and ships from the sugarcane boxes left by your grandfather? We would spend endless afternoons in the fields behind your parents' house pretending to be soldiers while you and Rose watched us. _

_I am sure Edward will enjoy all that the army aviation division has to offer him, and I know he will thrive under the structure and discipline. _

_Thank you, darling, for the care packages you and Rose sent. It is always a wonderful feeling to receive things from home that I have missed. _

_At the time I am writing this letter I am one week away from the halfway point in my training. By the time this reaches you I am sure that I will be nearly finished. Many of the other men talk about the opportunity to go home for several weeks after graduation. I hope that I am able to return to the islands for even a short while. Nothing would make me happier than to hold you for a while. _

_We did training until sunset yesterday. Being up there in the air while the sun went down and the sky was nothing but orange made me wish for you more fervently than ever. It reminded me of the sunsets at home and the way we used to travel all around the island, trying to find the best spot to view them. _

_The sunset last night reminded me of the one the night I asked you to marry me. I was so nervous I barely noticed the sun going down. All I could think about was how beautiful you looked watching it. I have to admit I could not even form a simple thought at the time because I was terrified about my imminent proposal. Looking back on that night, though, I think my favorite part was watching you take in the sunset over the beach._

_Tomorrow I will be spending the greater part of the day in the air learning barrel rolls. I know I don't need to tell you how much I am looking forward to that. Do you remember when I used to have Edward roll me down the hill behind your house in the old barrels from the barn? I miss those childhood days of pretending to fly with whatever was lying around. _

_I won't deny, however, that the real thing is much more enjoyable. At least in those days I had a beautiful girl to watch over me and keep me safe._

_That is why I keep your picture close by. You are still watching over me, Esme. I miss you. I love you. I'll see you soon._

_Love always,_

_Charles_

I wiped the tears off my cheek and placed the letter back in the drawer.

There had been a time when I couldn't even read them. I would only be able to get through the first few lines before breaking down in a fit of despair.

It was Edward who kept me from destroying them completely in a moment of adolescent rage when my grief was so raw it would overpower any common sense I possessed.

I breathed a heavy sigh, tinged with sadness and confusion, as I still had no idea what had prompted the sudden change in my dreams. Resolved to the fact I would not be getting any more sleep I simply let the images of my fiancé overwhelm me until all sense of the world around me fell away and there was nothing but the memories.

**oOoOoOo**

The sun was high in the sky when I walked out of St. Andrews Cathedral later that morning, arm in arm with Rose. She had not commented once on my obvious exhaustion, but I could see in her eyes that she suspected something was wrong.

She knew me better than I knew myself sometimes.

We waved to our parents where they stood talking several feet away, and walked toward the sidewalk on the other side of the large fountain that stood in front of the church.

Rose's family and my family had shared the same pew every Sunday since we were infants. Her father and my father were business partners who had been friends since childhood. To say our families were close was an understatement.

Every Sunday after church Rose and I would take a leisurely walk around Honolulu, and discuss the previous week. We had discovered in high school that talking about our weeks with each other in this way helped clean the slate, so to speak, and prepare us for the week ahead.

I was never more grateful for our tradition than I was now. Our walks had served as a great source of therapy for me in the last several months.

The large stained glass window that made up the front wall of the church cast the sidewalk in shards of blues and oranges and reds in the mid-morning sun. The multi-colored fragments of light made the ground look as though it was littered with the candies we would buy every Sunday before the war.

Candy was one of the hardest luxuries to come by now. Most days I would give all the money I had for a roll of Necco wafers.

"So, do you want to tell me why you're so tired?" Rose's voice broke through my daydream. She sounded concerned as I had known she would be, but mostly she sounded curious.

"I had a new dream last night," I replied.

She turned to look at me. "A new one? What happened?"

"It was about the day of the funeral." I sighed. "It was so real, Rose. I didn't know where I was when I woke up."

She thought for a moment. "Maybe your heart is telling you it's time to move on."

I rolled my eyes. "I know that already, Rose, remember? You've been pounding it into my head for weeks now. It's easier said than done, though."

"I know, honey, but what if this is your mind's way of really trying to move on because let's face it, you haven't been making that much of an effort."

"That's because I'm not sure I'm ready to move on." I could hear my voice rising. I didn't want to fight with Rose in the middle of the sidewalk, but I needed to get my point across.

"You are," she said simply. "We all can see it. The desire to live your life again is there. All you have to do is take that leap."

I linked my arm through hers. "When did you become so wise?"

"When my best friend fell to pieces and forced me to grow up so I could take care of her."

We both laughed. "I know you think I thank you too much, but really, I don't know where I would be without you. I'm sure I would be sitting on my bedroom floor screaming and throwing things."

She nodded. "This is what I mean, Esme. You've made so many small steps toward being fully healed. Eventually something will give you that final push to let go."

"I think the problem is whether or not I want to be healed," I said.

"The fact that you realize that shows that you're closer than you think."

"You know, I think all this amazing wisdom of yours comes from being a nurse."

She laughed and shook her head. "Probably; having to deal with utter devastation in a life or death situation tends to change a person's perspective."

I had never thought of it that way before. I had spent so much time wrapped up in my own problems I had hardly given any consideration to Rose's own wellbeing after the things she had seen.

One more way I had failed her.

"I'm sorry, Rose. I've been so selfish in regards to our friendship lately. I barely thought of your problems at all. Can you forgive me?"

She wrapped her arm around my shoulder and pulled me into a hug. "There never has been and never will be anything to forgive."

"Rose, the things you saw that day must continue to haunt you, and I gave little to no consideration to that."

"I do struggle with it sometimes, but we all simply carry on. What you suffered is far worse, Esme, so you have no need to concern yourself with me."

I smiled. "You're my best friend, Rose. It's my job to be concerned about you just as much as it's your job to be concerned about me."

We stepped off the sidewalk and onto the soft grass of Kamamalu Park. We had been coming here since we were children. Every Sunday after church our parents would bring us along with Edward and Charles for an afternoon of fun. They would bring picnic baskets full of food and after we ate they let us run around for hours in the tropical sun.

There were no more afternoon picnics because there was no longer enough food. There was no more pretending we were princesses in a magical kingdom because life had hardened us both.

Edward was away and Charles was gone.

So much had changed since those days. Watching Rose walk along the low retaining wall around the park, though, made me realize so much was still the same.

We would walk along that same wall as children, pretending to be in a Vaudeville act on Broadway. Our mothers would always chastise us, afraid we would fall, but Rose and I never worried about those things. We were great performers and the show must go on.

I smiled as I jumped up on the wall behind her and began to walk one foot in front of the other with my arms out to the side for balance.

Rose turned around once she reached the end and laughed at the sight of me walking towards her. I imagined I probably looked a bit ridiculous in my black shift dress wobbling along the top of a wall.

"I hope we are still doing this when we're old and gray," Rose said, her voice full of amusement.

"We will be," I responded. "We'll be the little old ladies everybody laughs at."

I was so caught up in the carefree moment that I didn't immediately notice when my right foot slipped from the wall.

I tumbled to the ground so quickly I barely had time to stretch my hand out to break my fall.

I heard Rose rush to where I was laying in the grass, frantically calling my name.

Her medical training kicked in as she looked me over, asking if I hurt anywhere. I was no more than a little disoriented, but Rose insisted she check me over. When she lifted the hand I used to break my fall I hissed in pain as it began to throb.

She turned it over to reveal a cut across my palm where my hand had landed on a jagged rock.

"We need to get this looked at," she said.

I groaned. "I'm fine, Rose. It doesn't even hurt."

"It'll hurt when you get blood poisoning." She placed her arms beneath my shoulders and helped me to my feet.

"Come on," she said. "We'll go to the infirmary on base."

**oOoOoOo**

In the last two years that Rose had been a navy nurse I had never once been in the infirmary on base.

I sat in one of the steel chairs while Rose went to get one of the doctors. I didn't think it was necessary for me to be seen by one, but Rose was insistent.

She had managed to wrap my hand as best she could in her white handkerchief while we were still in the park. I had repeatedly asked her not to because I didn't want it to be ruined, but she wouldn't hear otherwise.

Rose had been gone several minutes already and every tick of the clock was increasing my nerves. I played with the frayed edges of my makeshift bandage, chewing on my lip as I waited. The nurse at the desk gave me a sideways glance every once in a while, no doubt wondering why I was so uneasy.

I was sure she thought I was afraid of what the doctor might say, but the truth was I was afraid of being in the infirmary to begin with.

From where I was sitting I could see the door to the kitchen where Edward told me Charles had been taken the day of the attack. I could see the counter my fiancé had died on.

I knew Rose meant well bringing me here, but every second I sat in the sterile white waiting area made me feel closer and closer to breaking down.

Every surface I could see had held a dead or dying officer that day. Every inch of pristine white wall had been covered in blood.

I watched out the large, open windows as workers steadily re-built sections of the building that had been bombed.

I tapped my fingers against the smooth fabric of my skirt as I tried not to think about the fact I could have lost my best friend that day along with everything else.

She had been in the back of the infirmary, gathering supplies when the bombs fell. The front of the building took the most damage. Rose had been lucky, but many other nurses and innocent civilians had not.

An image flashed through my mind of the nurse whose casket had been in the hangar bay at Hickham with Charles'. I shuddered involuntarily at the thought that that nurse could just as easily have been Rose.

The nurse noticed my sudden distress.

"Are you all right, miss? I can close the window if you're cold."

"No, I'm fine," I replied. "The air feels nice."

She nodded and returned to her work.

Several minutes ticked by before I heard the unmistakable sound of heels clicking against the tile floor. The steps were too quick and light to be Rose, but before I had too much time to wonder, Alice came into view, smiling her trademark smile and waving at me.

"Hi Esme," she said as she sat down next to me. "Rose says you hurt your hand."

"I cut my palm," I replied, suddenly feeling embarrassed about how it happened.

"Well come on," she said, linking her arm through mine, and standing up. "I'm supposed to take you to Doctor Cullen."

We walked down a long corridor to a large ward with dozens of beds lined up along the wall.

"Sorry about this," Alice said. "Most of the individual exam rooms still haven't been repaired."

I gave her a reassuring smile. "I don't mind."

"Good. Rose's help was requested with a patient since we're a little short on nurses right now, but Doctor Cullen should be here any moment."

"I'm already here, Alice," a smooth voice said from the doorway.

The owner of the voice, who I could only assume was Doctor Cullen, came striding down the long ward to where I sat at the very end.

"Miss Masen I presume?"

He was tall and lean, with honey blond hair that fell into his green eyes when he leaned forward to examine my hand.

His touch was as soft as silk as he carefully unwrapped the handkerchief that protected my sliced palm.

He gently ran a cloth over the wound while rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb. The sting of the antiseptic was strong but the soothing motion of his thumb lessened the pain.

I winced as the liquid seeped into the wound, despite his attempts to take my mind of the pain.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I know it stings, but I have to cleanse the wound so it doesn't become infected."

His voice was so soft and apologetic. He was what all doctors should be. I briefly wondered if he had been present the day of the attack. I hoped he hadn't been even though I knew that was not likely. The thought of someone so gentle and peaceful being pulled into such destruction unsettled me.

"I hate to say this but you're going to need a few sutures to heal properly, Miss Masen."

"Esme," I blurted out. "Please call me Esme."

He looked slightly taken aback, but smiled. "Have you ever had surgical sutures before, Esme?"

I shook my head.

He gently released my hand and walked to a supply cabinet on the opposite wall. I grew more and more nervous as he placed everything he would need on a tray and walked back toward me.

He placed the tray on the table beside the bed I was sitting on, and picked up a bottle of what looked like more antiseptic.

"This is to numb your hand," he said as he wiped a cloth full of the liquid across my palm. "I wish I could promise that you won't feel a thing, but I can't. This will at least make you feel less."

"Okay," I said. I was slightly terrified, but didn't want him to see my fear.

He stilled his hand, and looked up. When his eyes met mine I knew he could sense how uncomfortable I was.

"It won't hurt," he said, his voice as soothing as the balm he was applying to my hand. "You will probably only feel a tightening and a slight pinch."

I nodded as he picked up a needle and a piece of thread. "All I'm going to do is stitch the wound, much like you would a dress. It will prevent an infection and leave less of a scar. Are you okay with me proceeding?"

"Yes," I said. "I trust you."

He smiled at me before firmly but gently grasping my hand and expertly pushing the needle through my skin.

Just as he said I only felt a pinch for a moment, and then it was only a pulling sensation as he worked quickly but surely to close the wound.

He rubbed my arm when he finished and gave me a reassuring smile. "I just need to wrap it and then we'll be finished."

"Thank you," I said. "You're a very skilled doctor."

"It's nothing," he replied. He looked almost abashed at receiving a compliment.

He picked up a roll of gauze and began slowly wrapping it around my hand. I was amazed by how gentle his touch was, yet how assuredly he worked.

"So, just out of curiosity, how did you acquire this injury?"

I had to stifle a groan. I was now thoroughly embarrassed about what had led to my trip to the infirmary.

He caught my discomfort and grinned. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want too. I probably shouldn't have asked in the first place."

"It's okay," I replied. Something about this man made me feel at peace in his presence. Somehow I knew he wouldn't judge me for acting like a child.

"Rose and I were at Kamamalu Park, and I fell off of a retaining wall. I used my hand to break my fall and landed on a sharp rock."

"Do you often walk along narrow walls while at the park?" His voice had a hint of mischief in it and I could tell he was teasing me, but it didn't make me as uncomfortable as it probably should have.

I felt like I could be honest with this man who was essentially a total stranger.

"I wanted to pretend I could fly," I whispered.

His face filled with so much sympathy I had to look away, not wanting him to pity me for something he didn't even know about.

"Sometimes we all need to feel like we can escape."

"Yes," I agreed as he finished wrapping my hand and secured it with a pin.

"You will need to come back in a week to have the sutures removed," he said, helping me off the bed I was sitting on. "Don't let Rose convince you that she can remove them. I would feel much better if I did it myself."

I laughed. "I'll come back. No matter how persuasive Rose might be."

Just then Rose appeared at the end of the ward. "What did I do?"

"Nothing yet," I said, laughing.

"I was just telling Esme not to let you attempt to take her sutures out," he said. "I would feel better if I did it."

"Attempt," Rose scoffed. "I'll have you know, Doctor Cullen, I am quite skilled at removing sutures."

She couldn't keep the smile off her face, and it was easy to see what a friendly rapport Doctor Cullen kept with his staff.

The manner in which they teased each other was more like siblings than co-workers.

Rose turned to me and linked her arm through mine. "Are you ready?"

"Yes," I replied.

"I'll see you next week, Esme," Doctor Cullen said, lightly patting me on the back.

"Thank you again, Doctor Cullen," I replied.

He smiled and waved as Rose and I walked out into the mid-afternoon sun. Doctor Cullen's smile and gentle nature played in my mind the entire way home. He was a stranger to me, and yet I felt so comfortable in his presence that I found myself excited at the idea of seeing him again.

For the first time in months I was actually looking forward to something.

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**Hui is a loose translation of the verb "to meet"**

**Many thanks to Mackenzie L and texasunshine for their work on this chapter. It would be nothing without them.**

**Thank you for reading!**


	4. Ohana

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to their respective owners. The author of this story in no way profits from its use or distribution.**

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_If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again. _

_~Flavia Weedn_

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My feet carried me down the stairs slowly the next morning. The gray skies that signaled rain was on the way put a damper on my mood and made me listless and uninterested.

These were the days I missed my brother the most.

My grief over Charles would always linger in some way. I had resigned myself to the fact that there would always be occurrences in my daily life that brought him to mind and carried with them a pang of sadness.

Edward's absence was more tangible than Charles', though.

Mr. and Mrs. Evenson had given me several of Charles' possessions that were tied to me in some way – the wedding band he had already had made, his watch that I had given him last Christmas, and his flight jacket.

They were all locked away. I could pull them out when I wanted too, but they did not lie around the house waiting to spring a memory on me at every opportunity.

Edward's things, however, were everywhere.

I ran my hand along the smooth, black surface of the grand piano that sat in the great room, remembering all the rainy afternoons he would use to teach me to play when we were children.

"_No Emay, you're doing it wrong. That note was flat."_

I smiled as I sat down at the piano bench. Edward couldn't pronounce my name until he was eight years old no matter how many times my mother corrected him.

I didn't mind. I loved him calling me _Emay_.

I pushed back the lid that covered the keys and gently let my fingers flow over them, causing the sound of a simple C scale to fill the room.

The soft gentle notes of Mozart's _Funeral March_ began to haunt the air around me as my fingers took on a life of their own.

I had offered to play it the day of Charles' funeral when the church's organist came down with a cold, but Mrs. Evenson wouldn't hear of it.

It had been one of the first things Edward taught me to play. He was far too humble to ever admit it himself, but my younger brother was something of a piano prodigy.

He had been taking lessons since before he could reach the keys without being on someone's lap.

He spent many afternoons teaching my mother and me to play. We had both become quite proficient but neither of us would ever be able to match Edward's talent.

I played my way through the entire song before a throat cleared behind me. I turned around to find my mother standing in the doorway, watching me with a sad smile.

She made her way towards me and lowered herself to the bench beside me. Her fingers tapped out a random, nameless tune for several moments before letting her hand fall to her lap with a sigh.

"I'll never forget the day he asked me for piano lessons," she said. "I didn't even know he could say 'piano', but he came running up to me one afternoon when your grandfather was playing and told me he wanted to learn."

She shook her head and smiled. "That was the beginning of a very long love affair."

Now it was my turn to smile. Edward certainly did love his piano, but he wasn't above letting others play on it. He loved to share his appreciation for music to much to be particular about people playing it.

"I figured when I woke up and saw the rain I would find you down here," she continued. "You never could resist this thing on a rainy day."

"There was never anything else to do on a rainy day," I replied. "You would have had our heads if we had tried to play outside."

She nodded. "That is the absolute truth. As your grandmother still says, 'you'll catch your death out there'."

I laughed. "Grandmother certainly does have a love of old-time phrases that are no longer used by anyone."

"And what do you love, Esme?"

I thought for a moment. There was plenty that I loved, but the sadness in my mother's voice made it seem as though she questioned that.

_Had my grief brought my relationship with my family to the point where they doubted my love?_

If they did I would not allow that to continue for a moment longer.

I leaned my head on her shoulder. "I love you, mom."

"I love you too, dear," she replied, wrapping an arm around my shoulder.

"I'm sorry I shut you out," I said. "I'm sorry I shut everyone out. I was being childish. I couldn't accept that the reality of my life had changed so drastically and that I would have to adjust all my relationships."

"Oh, honey, you're bereaved. No one blames you for anything. You must know this, Esme. What scared your father and I was how intensely physical your grief became. Esme, I would find you lying on the floor in your bathroom after you spent a great deal of time being ill."

I shuddered at the memory of the night she was talking about. It was the night of my first nightmare about the attack. I woke up screaming from the scenes of blood and carnage all around me. It was the first time I had been physically ill since childhood and I prayed that it would be the last.

"I didn't know what to do, darling. You were shaking so violently I thought we might have to take you to the hospital. What if they had wanted to commit you to a sanitarium, Esme? That was the first time we discussed possibly sending you to your grandparents."

"Mother…" I interrupted, but she raised her hand to stop me.

"I know how you feel about that, and I can see now that it would never have helped…"

"It would have made things worse," I cut in.

"Yes it would have," she agreed. "But, Esme, in that moment I didn't know what else to do. I feared your grief was killing you."

_Was it ever really that bad?_

I had certainly lost weight, and I knew I wasn't eating correctly. In the beginning I outright refused to eat with my family at meal times. I didn't want to face the pity in their eyes or the tight, forced conversations that came as a result of everyone walking on eggshells around me.

My eyes had carried circles the color of coal underneath them from lack of sleep, and I moved around as though I were in a trance when I had the energy to move at all.

Looking back on the last six months it was easy to see how serious my condition truly had become.

"I didn't realize how desperate the situation was," I said. "Can you ever forgive me for scaring you like that?"

"Esme dear, you lost your reason for living. You and Charles meant everything to each other from the time you were children. As I said before no one blames you, and no one holds your behavior against you. A mother would do anything for her children, Esme, and seeing you like that hurt me more than I can say because I knew there was nothing I could do for you. I knew you would have to fight your way out of it, and that none of us could take that battle away from you. So much had already been stolen from your grasp, I knew if you wanted to go on living you would find a way on your own." She shook her head. "You're too stubborn not to," she added with a laugh.

"That's why I couldn't send you away," she continued after a moment. "After I had some time to think about what I was truly considering I realized you needed to face your grief head on and that you needed to do it here, where it would hurt the most. That is what has brought you out of this stronger than you were before."

I shook my head. "I'm not strong."

"Yes you are," a voice said from the doorway.

We both spun around to see my father standing at the foot of the stairs. I wondered if he had heard our whole exchange.

"How long have you been standing there?" my mother asked.

He shrugged. "Long enough to know my princess needs pancakes for breakfast."

I smiled and followed him into the kitchen, my mother coming in right behind me.

My father was a rare sort of man. Like most men he left the day to day running of the home to my mother, but he was not above getting his hands dirty, so to speak.

He had been known to cook from time to time. He couldn't do anything too complicated and would never be able to prepare a whole meal, but no one I knew made better pancakes than my father.

He quickly set up the grill and began preparing the mixture while my mother looked at our rationing coupon book with her brows knit.

"We won't be able to get any flour from the commissary until next month," she sighed.

"Hush now," my father reprimanded. "My baby girl deserves pancakes."

I rolled my eyes but smiled. I was more inclined to side with my mother in this instance, but there was no talking my father down from an idea once it was in his head.

The rain began to taper off as my father joined us at the table, carrying with him a plate stacked with so many pancakes I wondered if there was any flour left at all.

We ate in silence for several moments before my father cleared his throat.

"Do an old man a favor, Esme, and tell him you got a full night's sleep last night."

I nodded. "I did, actually. If I dreamed at all I don't remember it."

"That's wonderful," my mother said, clapping her hands together. "Esme, you've made so much progress, dear."

I nodded my head in agreement.

"When do your sutures need to be removed?" my father asked, eyeing my hand.

"The doctor said a week," I replied.

My mother clucked her tongue, but couldn't hide her small smile. "I wish you and Rosalie wouldn't insist on playing in the park like children."

"But…" I prompted.

She rolled her eyes in mock exasperation. "But, it is nice to see you so carefree again. I wondered for a while if my Esme was possibly gone forever."

I smiled. "It was nice to forget what I've been through, and be normal for a while."

"That feeling will permanently return to you in time, Esme," my father said. "You'll see."

A somber mood once again fell over the breakfast table, even as the rain stopped completely and the sun began to peak around the clouds.

I held a new appreciation for the position I had put my parents in over the last six months. It was no small sacrifice they had been prepared to make in nearly sending me away.

My family was very close, and with Edward now gone for the foreseeable future I knew it would have been terribly hard for them to have me gone as well.

_A mother would do anything for her children._

My mother's words echoed in my mind as I watched her quietly finish her breakfast.

An image of the day Edward announced his decision to enlist flooded my mind. My mother had been so worried.

The Nazi Party already had an iron grip on Germany, and Neville Chamberlain's Munich Pact was widely regarded as a failure.

We all knew it was only a matter of time before Europe descended into war.

The last thing my mother had wanted was her baby boy possibly going off to war.

There had been an argument between my mother and Edward, and an argument between my mother and father, and I stood on the sidelines, ready to interfere on Edward's behalf if needed.

Joining the navy was his dream.

_Who were we to stand in the way of his dreams?_

**oOoOoOo**

When my father returned home from work that evening he insisted my mother and I play the piano for him. He reasoned it would lift both our spirits to have some music floating through the house.

It occurred to me if any of the military police heard the sounds of Beethoven coming from our house we surely would have been arrested under suspicion of being Nazi sympathizers, but that didn't matter to us.

The war in Europe was not the fault of the German people, and Beethoven had been dead for over a century.

All that mattered to us was that we were together as a family, even in the midst of Edward's and Charles' absence.

It was an evening for fun, and for perseverance in the face of so much destruction.

Half-way through the first bar of _Ode to Joy,_ the chime of the doorbell startled us all.

My father returned to the great room several moments later with Rose and Alice in tow.

"Sneaking out so close to curfew," I joked, rising from the bench to lead them upstairs.

"Alice missed you," Rose said nonchalantly, earning her a punch in the arm courtesy of Alice.

"I did," she admitted with a shrug.

It felt just like being teenagers again having them both here with me.

Even though the crash of '29 didn't hit our families as hard as it did some others, the depression affected everyone in one way or another.

Rose spent many nights at my house when her parents didn't want her to see the strain the failing law firm was putting on their marriage.

My family had it easier with capital from the sugar cane that wasn't as heavily affected by tumbling stock prices.

My grandfather eventually had to step in and save the law firm, and it was only now, as an adult, that Rose recognized that my grandfather's actions had effectively saved her parents' marriage.

Since those days Rose loved spending her evenings in my room whenever she could. My mother always joked that it was our shared room.

As Alice looked around and poked through my things like a curious child I realized it felt right to bring her into the fold of our friendship. She was one of the sweetest girls I had ever met. I had only known her for several days I already loved her like a sister.

"You should get a job on base, Esme," Alice said out of nowhere as she plopped herself down on my bed.

Her statement caught me off guard. I had never even thought about possibly taking a job. I knew many women did nowadays, especially with so many men being sent overseas.

I had been engaged since before the war caught up with America. All I had wanted to do since I was a young teenager was marry Charles'. I never considered anything further than that.

Now, however, taking a job sounded like something I might actually enjoy. I had spent my life helping my mother with charity drives and church social. I thrived on the fast pace of always having something to do, especially if it helped others in any way.

"I've never really thought about it," I admitted. "It might be nice, though."

"They're always looking for typists on base," Rose said. "I'm sure we can find out who you need to talk to if you're serious about wanting a position."

I nodded, my mind made up. "Find out for me. I want a job."

They both beamed at me. "That will be so good for you, Esme," Alice said, her voice full of excitement.

Rose nodded enthusiastically. "It will be." Her voice was measured but carried a serious undertone to it. Rose knew me better than anyone. If she believed having a job would be good for me than I had to believe it too.

Alice left shortly before six to get back on base before the mandatory curfew, but Rose, ever the rebel, stayed.

I could tell she had something on her mind when she leaned back against my pillows and casually crossed her arms.

"You're absolutely positive about getting a job?" she asked.

"I am, Rose. It's time for me to do more than sit around the house moping like I'm the only person who's been through this before."

She grinned. "That's my Esme. I was wondering when the tough as nails girl I grew up with would re-appear."

"She got bored with you," I joked. "She decided it was time for a vacation from her know-it-all best friend."

She threw a pillow at my head and we both collapsed in a fit of laughter.

"Let me see your hand," she said, reaching for me.

She began to undress the wound, causing me to instinctively pull my hand back.

"Oh relax," she said. "I'm perfectly capable of redressing a wound."

I smiled as she uncovered the solid line of tightly closed stitches. "Are you washing it out every day?"

"Yes, mom," I replied, rolling my eyes.

"We should have suggested you get a job sooner," she said, laughing. "I like this new Esme."

"This new Esme doesn't like having her hand messed with."

"Alice said you sure didn't seem to mind when Doctor Cullen was messing with it."

She looked up with a smile that instantly fell. "I'm sorry, honey. I didn't mean to be so forward."

"You're my best friend, Rose. There is no such thing as too forward between you and me."

"Maybe not," she agreed. "But my comment was a bit tactless."

"Do you think your parents will be okay with you getting a job?" she asked, effectively changing the subject.

"I don't know," I replied. "I'm an adult, though, so truly it is my decision."

"That it is, Esme. And you deserve to start making some decisions for yourself again. The universe owes you at least that much."

**oOoOoOo**

My mother was, surprisingly, just as excited about me wanting to find employment as my friends were when I finally told her about it.

I kept my news to myself for a few days, unsure of how she would react, but finally I opened up to her the morning my sutures were to be removed.

My mother was raised in a time when women did not work under any circumstances unless it was some sort of domestic work. She had spent her life as a devoted wife and mother, and had never desired anything more.

However, she also lived through bleak times when many women were required to work at jobs that were often held by men just to survive.

The phenomenon of women taking over for men in the work force had not ended with the Great War.

Unlike my father, my mother was not born into money. She herself had never struggled to survive, but many people she grew up with did. She valued hard work, but thought that if a woman did not have to work she shouldn't.

That was the side of Elizabeth Masen I had thought would rebel against my wish to work on base.

She had clasped her hands together excitedly and told me how good it would be for me, just as Rose had.

"Oh, Esme, that would be a wonderful way to get you back into a sense of routine, and just think of how you'll be helping the war effort."

She went on and on for the better part of an hour about how wonderful my decision was, and by the time I found myself sitting in the waiting area of the infirmary I was in a better mood than I had been in a very long time.

I watched Alice make her way towards me, and in no time at all she linked her arm through mine and led me to the familiar ward in the back of the hospital.

Doctor Cullen was already there when we arrived, sorting bottles of medicine on a long counter in the back of the room.

He turned when we entered and flashed me a beautiful smile, his green eyes lighting up.

"Hello again, Esme," he said. "It's nice to see you."

"It's nice to see you too, Doctor Cullen," I replied genuinely. He was one of the nicest people I had ever met, despite the fact I didn't truly know him at all.

"I seem to recall you insisting upon my calling you Esme last time," he said. "If this still holds true I must insist upon you calling me Carlisle."

_Carlisle._

That was a beautiful name, and one that I had certainly never heard before.

"Wow," I said. "That's beautiful."

"Thank you, Esme."

Alice excused herself, citing the need to catch up on some paperwork. Once she was gone Doctor Cullen returned his attention to my hand.

He lifted it gently, as if it weighed no more than a feather, and slowly removed the bandage.

"The process of removing the sutures is fairly simple," he said. "I'm essentially going to do what I did last time only backwards."

He lifted my chin to look me in the eye.

"There may, however, be more of a pulling sensation than last time. I just want to warn you."

"I'm fine," I assured him. I could hardly wrap my mind around how kind and gentle this man was.

I watched him dip a small pair of surgical scissors in a bottle of antiseptic, and then repeat the action with what looked like a pair of tongs.

"These are forceps," he explained. "I'm going to gently lift each thread with them and cut the knot away."

I nodded, suddenly understanding why he said I might feel more pulling.

I watched him while he removed the first suture. He was clearly very adept at focusing his attention on what he was doing. His brow knit and his face was overcome with concentration. His fingers moved quickly but steadily as they worked each suture free.

It put me at ease seeing how assured he was of his skills as a physician.

The room was silent aside from the occasional clink of the scissors as they sliced through each black thread as if they weren't even there.

Somehow the room appeared brighter to me today than the last time I had been here. The windows were not open today, but that did nothing to deter the beams of sunlight that eagerly filtered through each pane.

A loud thumping sound shattered the silence and startled me out of my reverie.

"It's the construction," Carlisle explained. "They try to keep the noise down, but sometimes it's impossible."

"Oh," I said. "It's all right. The noise doesn't bother me."

His eyes pierced through me with such intensity I was sure he could see my soul.

I knew he didn't believe me for a second.

"I can tell it does," he said.

The scrutiny in his eyes nearly made me tell him everything right in that instant. I was inclined to lay my whole life story on the ground in front of a total stranger.

"It isn't the noise," I whispered. "My fiancé died on the kitchen counter in this infirmary."

His hand immediately stopped its movement. "Esme…" I held up my free hand to stop him.

"Please don't tell me you're sorry. I've had enough pity and sympathy for several lifetimes. I just wanted you to know why I seem uncomfortable here."

He nodded and resumed his work.

"I'll never forget the things I saw that day," he whispered after several moments.

My heart sank. I had prayed that someone so good shouldn't have to have seen such things, and apparently he had.

"Last time I sat in this ward with you I had hoped you possibly hadn't been here that day," I confessed.

He smiled. "Thank you for such a thoughtful wish, Esme, but I was right in the middle of it."

I fell silent, not knowing how to respond to that. It was the same reaction many people had to my circumstances.

"I've never seen so much blood," he continued in a low voice. "I pray every day for the souls of those I could not save, and the loved ones they left behind."

His eyes met mine and I could see the undercurrent of sympathy in them. It didn't make me as uncomfortable as it likely should have.

In that moment we were one in the same. Two people who had been through too much, but persevered and came out the other side stronger than before.

He removed the final suture, and gently bathed the scar with antiseptic.

"All done," he said. "Your hand is good as new. Just try not to fall on anymore rocks."

I smiled. His teasing lightened the mood even though the room still held the heavy air of our more serious conversation.

A certain kinship had been developed between us for a brief moment in time, and I knew I would always be grateful to the man who saw my inner strength, even when I myself often denied it.

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**Ohana means family – and family means no one gets left behind… or forgotten. =)**

**Mackenzie L is the beta. Texasunshine is the pre-reader. This chapter would be terrible if not for them.**

**Mackenzie made a beautiful banner for this story that can be found on my profile. I am forever grateful to her for lending me her wonderful skills. **

**Thank you for reading! Feedback is greatly appreciated!**


	5. Hana

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to their respective owners. The author of this story in no way profits from its use or distribution.**

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_"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us"_

_~Joseph Campbell_

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_Admiral Schaffer_

He was the man I needed to talk to. He was the man who could get me a job. Rose had found out that typists were needed in one of the radio operations buildings on base. Now all that was left was an interview.

My hands shook with nerves, but excitement coursed through me as well.

I had spent all last night preparing for today like an anxious teenager the night before the first day of school. I ironed and starched my best dress, planned what I would have for breakfast, organized the little makeup I would wear on my bathroom counter, and even set my shoes beside my bed.

This opportunity was being handed to me on a silver platter and I did not want to make any mistakes.

Rose and Alice did the footwork of finding out where the openings were and even went so far as to secure an interview for me.

Now it was my turn.

This was my day to step up and become the person I was before my world was ripped away from me. I knew I would never completely be that girl again, because part of her died with Charles, but I could make this small step toward rebuilding my life.

I walked up the smooth stone steps and into the tall white building that housed radio operations for the entire Pacific Fleet.

The petite girl sitting behind the reception desk smiled at me when I entered.

"You must be Esme," she said brightly.

My shock must have registered on my face because she qualified her statement a moment later. "Your friend Alice was quite insistent as to the time you would be here."

_Thanks Alice._

"I'm Bella," she said, extending her hand.

I shook her hand before she led me to the admiral's office. My anxiety grew with each step I took, and I was certain I looked like a nervous child to Bella.

"Don't worry," she said. "The admiral's great. He's more like a father to us than a boss."

An image automatically came to mind of Carlisle's easygoing nature towards Rose and the other nurses. My fears immediately lessened.

After meeting with Admiral Schaffer, who turned out to be every bit as kind as Bella had said, I was shown a small desk that would be mine, introduced to several other ladies I would be working with, and was told to report the following Monday afternoon.

I walked out into the warm sunshine and found Bella with a long stemmed cigarette between her fingers.

"How did it go?" she asked. Her voice carried a tinge of excitement that made me think of Alice. They would get along perfectly.

"I start next Monday," I said, leaning against the building next to her.

"I knew you would be. The admiral never turns away any woman with half a brain and a desire to work, and honey, I can tell you have a whole brain and a stronger desire to work than half the girls in there."

"Thank you," I replied.

"Your friend, Alice, was quite sure that you absolutely must have a job," she continued.

"That sounds like Alice."

I looked longingly toward the infirmary where it stood several blocks over. Bella saw my preoccupation and gave me a small nudge.

"Go tell them. I'm sure that girl will be doing back flips."

I laughed. "No doubt she'll terrify half the patients in the ward."

"They have patients?" she asked.

"One or two," I replied in mock seriousness.

She laughed loudly and gave me another nudge. "Go on. See those crazy girls you call friends, and I'll see you Monday."

I walked the several blocks to the infirmary and found Rose and Alice both sitting in the front, reading magazines.

"Well, if this is what nurses do all day I just secured the wrong job."

Alice squealed and jumped up from her chair, throwing her arms around my neck.

"I knew you would get it!"

Rose looked on in amusement, but I could see the joy and pride radiating from her gaze when our eyes met.

I laughed as I patted Alice on the back and released her, bending to pick up one of their magazines.

"You're reading medical journals for fun?" I asked.

Before either of them could answer a velvety smooth voice rang out.

"They seem to think there's nothing to do around here."

We all spun around to see Doctor Cullen leaning against the doorway with a smile on his face.

"Hello, Doctor Cullen," I said, smiling.

He raised one eyebrow and grinned in amusement. "Doctor Cullen?" he asked. "Suddenly so formal?"

Rose and Alice both tried and failed to hide their smirks.

"How are you, Carlisle?" I asked, emphasizing his first name.

His grin grew into a beaming smile. "I'm well; thank you for asking. Am I correct in thinking that I heard congratulations are in order?"

I nodded. "I've been hired as a radio operator here on base."

"That's wonderful," he replied, placing his hand on my shoulder. "Those women are some of the most essential people to the operation of the entire navy. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise."

His enthusiasm for my new position filled me with pride. All the nervous energy I had been overcome with a few hours before vanished.

"You girls can leave early if you want," he said, turning to Rose and Alice. "Esme deserves to celebrate."

"Wow, thank you, Doctor Cullen," Alice said excitedly.

Rose rolled her eyes at Alice. "Come on, short stuff, we've been ordered to help Esme celebrate."

They each linked an arm through mine and began to lead me toward the door. I turned around to see Carlisle watching us, his eyes shining.

"Thank you," I said, hoping my voice conveyed how appreciative I was of his kindness.

He nodded. "You're welcome, Esme."

**oOoOoOo**

An hour later found the three of us sitting at a table in an out of the way café enjoying fresh tea.

It was a breezy spring day, and most people were out enjoying the weather. Life almost seemed normal as we watched mothers walk by with the children and store owners bustle about.

The presence of the military was everywhere, however. They walked the sidewalks in groups of three or four, constantly on the alert.

"I'm really so excited for you," Alice said for the fourth time in an hour.

I couldn't help but smile as her eyes lit up with happiness. She barely knew me and we already felt so close.

"It was wonderful of Doctor Cullen to let us leave," Rose added. "All because of Esme." Her expression was part mischief part knowledge. It unsettled me a little because Rose often got ideas into her head that weren't always accurate. The way she was looking at me said that now was one of those times.

I tried to arrange my features into a questioning expression, but she simply smiled and took another sip of tea.

Alice was oblivious to all of this as she continued to talk animatedly about how wonderful it would be to have me close by all the time.

"We can walk along the shore together, as close as the soldiers will let us get. We can stop for ice cream after our shifts. Oh Esme, we'll have to make sure Doctor Cullen lets us work the same schedule as you."

"I'm sure he will," Rose cut in. "He's obviously quite fond of Esme."

I looked up in shock.

_Was he?_

I never noticed anything unusual about his behavior. He was nice. He clearly had a very gentle yet playful nature. He acted the same way around me as he did around Alice and Rose. I assumed he was just as caring and wonderful with his patients.

He certainly had been with me.

But the way Rose looked at me when he was brought up earlier had me wondering if she thought he was attracted to me.

I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. It was impossible. And even if it wasn't I couldn't possibly think about it right now.

"Are you okay, Esme?" Rose's voice sounded concerned, and I snapped my head up to meet her stare.

"I'm fine, why?"

"You were a bit out of it for a few minutes."

"Was I?" I tried hard not to blush as I realized she knew there was something on my mind. Rose knew me far too well.

She and Alice both nodded.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I guess I just have a lot on my mind."

Alice looked satisfied with that answer and told me it was understandable to feel overwhelmed by a new job.

Rose; however, didn't look like she accepted my answer. I honestly didn't expect her to.

We got up to pay for our tea and head home. When we stepped out into the late afternoon sun Rose told Alice she would walk me home and that she would see her back on base.

She didn't say anything out of the ordinary to begin with on our walk to my house, but this was how Rose operated. She was discreet and subtle. I knew from the looks she gave me in the café that she wanted to discuss Doctor Cullen.

When we were sixteen we had an afternoon eerily similar to this one.

Charles and I had always been best friends. Everyone around us constantly commented on how perfect a couple we would make. We just laughed them off, knowing that what we had was special, but that what we had was friendship. I never looked at him like a second brother, but I never looked at him romantically either.

That all changed shortly after my sixteenth birthday when Rose began to point out things that were different about our friendship. She said that from an outsiders perspective things were changing. According to her I didn't notice it because I was so focused on our friendship.

She pointed out that the way he looked at me had changed and touches between us became longer and more significant. By the end of the discussion I couldn't deny that she was right, and by the end of that week we were a couple.

I didn't know exactly what she wanted to say to me now. All I knew was that it would have something to do with all her earlier comments about Doctor Cullen.

She took the very subtle approach of talking about how beautiful the day was before I noticed the conversation begin to shift.

"So today is the first day of your new beginning."

I almost laughed. "What book did you quote that from, Rose?"

"Okay so my statement was a little over the top. That doesn't make it any less true."

"I know," I replied. "It feels wonderful. I met a girl there today named Bella. She was very nice. I think you and Alice will like her."

Rose nodded. "Anyone who has your stamp of approval is already perfect in my book."

We walked on in silence for several moments watching people hurry by, trying to finish their daily errands before curfew.

"Speaking of stamp of approval," Rose finally said, "I didn't offend you with what I said about Doctor Cullen, did I?"

"Rose, you should know me better than that. Of course you didn't. I was simply curious about where your words were coming from."

"Just observations I've made," she said. "He looks at you like you're some sort of treasure he needs to protect."

"Really?" Her statement caught me completely off guard. I had never noticed more than a kind demeanor and gentle way about him.

_Could it really be that he was different with me?_

Rose nodded and gave me a small smile. "He's different around you, Esme. He's a brilliant doctor, but he's very shy. When you're around his playful side comes out and it seems so natural."

I shrugged. "I guess I didn't know. I thought he was like that around everyone."

"Not at all," Rose replied, shaking her head. "My first day at the infirmary he barely spoke two words to me. I could tell he wasn't ignoring me to be rude. He's just very focused on medicine and not much else. He's incredibly sweet, but it usually takes him longer to open up to people. It took me days to get his first name out of him."

"He didn't tell me his first name till I had the sutures removed," I said. "I noticed that he was a little shy, but I didn't think much of it. We were total strangers."

Rose shook her head again. "Even that day, Esme, he was more comfortable around you than anyone I've seen. It was strange actually. Everything about him was just different. I can't even explain it."

"That's why you think he's fond of me?"

"I don't know if I meant it in that way, but yes. He obviously enjoys being around you."

"That's what I meant," I whispered. "I wasn't thinking of anything else."

She stopped abruptly. "Oh Esme, I'm sorry. That's not what I meant, honey. I know it's too soon for you to even consider a romantic relationship."

We turned onto the long gravel drive that led to my house. I could see my mother in the distance, watering the plants that lined the large wrap around porch.

"Does he know about Charles?" Rose asked before we were within earshot.

"Vaguely," I replied. "He knows my fiancé died in the infirmary the day of the attack. I was so nervous, Rose, being in that place. I kept picturing how it must have looked that day. He sensed my distress and so I told him."

"He's good at that," she said. "It's part of what makes him such a great doctor. He's very attuned to the feelings of others."

"I noticed that. It's a gift not many people have."

We reached the porch just as I finished speaking and Rose quickly ran up to hug my mother. Her love for my mother always made me smile. It was evident in the way they spoke to each other that Rose was just as much a daughter to her as Edward and I were.

I could never have asked for a better sister.

**oOoOoOo**

I couldn't help but smile as I looked at the energetic girl who had pulled me into an endless game that might have once been checkers. She had changed the rules so many times I couldn't be sure.

After Rose left my mother had told me there was a surprise waiting for me inside. I ran up the steps and into the house to find my mother's sister Victoria and my eight-year-old cousin Bree.

They, along with my Uncle James lived on the big island of Hawaii, making them our closest living relatives. The day after the attack on Pearl Harbor my uncle had enlisted and was already serving overseas.

Their altered circumstances meant that Victoria and Bree were no longer able to visit as often as they would like. I hadn't seen them once since the attack.

According to my mother Victoria had explained to Bree what happened to Charles as best she could. Thankfully my cousin hadn't asked me about him yet.

_How do you explain life and death to a child?_

The war had turned Bree into a child beyond her years, however. She knew exactly where her daddy was and what he was doing. She knew all about curfews and military restrictions, although Oahu was under much tighter control than the rest of the islands.

Most importantly, she knew that the world she was growing up in was not the world she was born into.

I shook my head, trying to clear it. I hated the effect the war was having on such young children.

I was sure that was why I allowed myself to be pulled into an elaborate game of not-checkers. I knew exactly where she was coming from, having grown up during the worst days of the depression. I wanted to let her be a child for a little while longer.

"Where's Rosie?"

"Rosie's at home, sweetie," I replied. "The curfew here is six, remember?"

"So we can't go play outside?"

She looked crestfallen and it broke my heart.

"I hear tomorrow is supposed to be beautiful. Why don't we spend all day out there tomorrow?"

"With Rosie?"

"Rosie has to work tomorrow, but I'm sure she will come by for dinner."

Okay," Bree said. "We'll play outside tomorrow and then Rosie will come for dinner."

It's a date," I replied, extending my hand so we could shake on it. She loved doing this. She always claimed it made her feel big and important like her daddy and uncles were.

She beamed as we shook hands and yawned, declaring that she was ready for bed.

I tucked her in and sang her a lullaby my mother had taught me when I was a child. She asked me to stay with her until she fell asleep. I tucked a tendril of hair behind her ear and promised I would stay.

I sat on the edge of the bed and hummed the lullaby to her while stroking her hair. She was asleep before I even finished the first verse.

I walked down the hallway to my bedroom and found Victoria sitting on my bed, waiting for me. She was ten years younger than my mother, and insisted that Edward and I never call her 'aunt'.

She was more like a friend, anyway.

"How are you?" she asked as I stretched out on the bed next to her.

"I'm good," I replied. "I got a job on base today."

"That's wonderful, honey. I'm so proud of you. Now, how are you really?"

I sighed. Victoria had a way of knowing when a person was lying without realizing it.

"I miss him," I said, curling into her embrace.

It was nothing I hadn't done with my mother and Rose countless times, but knowing someone cared and would listen to all my worries and fears felt amazing.

"Are you scared that moving on and getting a job is almost like the last step to letting go?"

"Logically I know I need to make this leap and live my life again, but actually taking the steps isn't easy."

"No it isn't," she agreed. "When your uncle enlisted I was angry for a while. I wondered how he could leave so easily knowing I would struggle to balance taking care of Bree with having to get my own job. I wasn't rational then. I was forming all these thoughts because deep down I was scared. I was terrified he wouldn't come back. And, Esme, you already know what that feels like. You're a full step ahead of a lot of women. No one expects it to be easy, but there comes a time when you pick up the shattered pieces of who you were and carry on."

I wiped the stray tear that was winding down my cheek and looked up at my aunt. "What if I'm not that girl anymore? What if she died with Charles?" I was voicing my worst fear and my greatest suspicion. I had changed so much in the last several months that I knew I was a different person.

"You're not the same girl, Esme. You are absolutely right in thinking that, but it doesn't mean parts of her aren't still in there, waiting to break free."

"Do you think I'll ever love again?"

She softly ran her fingers through my hair as she leaned down to kiss my temple.

"I know you will, Esme," she whispered. "I know you will."

**oOoOoOo**

The next morning I called Rose and informed her that her favorite little girl was at my house. She squealed for a full minute and told Alice that she had to meet my cousin.

Now Alice was in my backyard with us while Rose worked her shift.

My mother had made us a light lunch when Alice arrived, and afterwards Bree announced that she wanted to swing and that Alice was going to push her.

Bree took to Alice like a fish to water. They were inseparable.

The wooden playground in our backyard had been built by my grandfather for me and Edward. My father had argued against it, but grandfather told him it was all the rage now and he wanted to build us one.

Its structure was simple, having been designed more like a tree house. It contained one narrow slide and two oak swings. It held thousands of my best childhood memories, and I found myself running my hand along the jagged wood, remembering afternoons just like this one.

Alice pushed Bree higher and higher, and her infectious giggle made me smile.

After she tired of the swing Bree brought out the stuffed bear her father had sent her from the mainland and wanted to push him down the slide.

Alice and I chose to sit at the table on the deck and watch her. It was impossible to miss the gleam in Alice's eyes as she observed Bree's endlessly curious nature.

"She's so adorable," Alice said. "It makes me long for the day I get married and become a mother."

"Yes," I agreed. "I loved being around her when she was a baby. I couldn't wait to have one of my own." My voice was full of longing. I hadn't realized until that moment just how much I missed that dream. I still often doubted whether I would have the chance again.

"Esme," Alice said hesitantly. "Rose has never told me and I've always been too afraid to ask, but will you tell me yours and Charles' story?"

Alice's question ended abruptly, but the softness in her voice made me pause.

I looked up and our eyes met. It was clear that she meant no harm in asking and that she was merely curious. She obviously had wondered for a long time about whether or not to ask me something so person.

The part of me that was still deeply grieved wanted to say no, but I knew that turning away now would be a step backward from how far I had come.

Alice's steady gaze gave me strength, and with a deep breath I resolved to answer her innocent request.

And just like that I laid my entire life on the table in front of her. I told her about the two of us growing up together, all the trouble we would get into along with Edward and Rose. I described the afternoon Rose made me realize Charles' feelings had changed. How mine subsequently changed to match his. I told her people would say we were like magnets to each other – unable to stay apart for more than a few hours at a time.

I explained how he had always wanted to be a soldier, and how flying was his greatest love, second only to me. I told her about how excited I was when he was stationed in Oahu, and I described the night he proposed.

My thoughts turned dark as I described the morning of the attack to her. The shock of waking up to the sound of bombs falling. The crushing pain that something so horrible could happen right in front of you. I illustrated the wave of paralyzing fear I felt as the shock wore off and the reality set in – that my fiancé and my brother were right in the middle of everything.

I took her through the agony of Edward telling me that Charles hadn't made it. How I went numb after that, and how a mere week later the rage took over.

I told her about how wonderful Rose was in that time, and how much of my anger she absorbed. I explained that I would still be that grieving, angry, hate-filled girl if it wasn't for Rose pulling me out of it at just the right time.

Alice smiled, and laughed, and gasped, and frowned in all the right places, and by the time I was done telling my tale we were both in tears.

People had been telling me for months that every time I told my story I would feel a little bit better. I hadn't wanted to believe that at first, but those people were right. Every single word I spoke made it that much easier to let go of another piece of who I had been and replace it with a piece of who I was now.

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**Hana means work.**

**Mackenzie L makes these words beautiful. Texasunshine pre-reads this.**

**As always thank you so much for taking the time to read my words. It means so much to me.**


	6. Auinala

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to their respective owners. The author of this story in no way profits from its use or distribution.**

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"_Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power."_

_~Anonymous_

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_April 29, 1942_

_Dear Esme, _

_I'm not sure I will ever be able to thank you enough for the guava, sis. Although we eat quite well here, the food is bland and boring. It lacks the flavor of the islands. Jasper and I always feel terrible eating the food we are given, anyway. Somehow the fact that many innocent civilians had to do without their proper portion of food just so we could eat makes the meal taste terrible. _

_We've been doing more and more war drills in the open ocean here. I wish I could fully describe it to you. It really is interesting. I'm afraid the censors wouldn't like that, however, and I would hate for half this letter to be blacked out by them. _

_There's rumor that we will be heading to the Pacific. They've told us we can tell our families that much. I hope those rumors are true. I miss Pearl, and every night I pray for the day when I will see it fully repaired and returned to its true glory. _

_The chance to see my sister won't be half bad either. _

_I think Jasper is even more excited than me at the idea of passing through the islands. I told him how strange that was since he's from Houston and grew up on the water, but he says there can't possibly be any comparison for Hawaii. I have to admit he is right about that. Nothing could ever match the blue of those waves, and the fact the sun seems to shine brighter on the islands than anywhere else I've seen. _

_I hate to cut this letter short, sis, but we're doing more war games today. I wanted to get this written and sent off to you as quickly as possible. I'm sure by the next time I'm able to write I'll know more about my permanent station. Tell everyone I miss them and that I'm doing fine. Love you, Esme._

_Your favorite brother,_

_Edward_

I read over Edward's letter for what felt like the hundredth time. Every day I ran to the check the mail, even though I knew it was always too soon. The fact that his letter finally arrived on my first day of work made it all the more perfect.

I was due to report for my first shift in one hour, but I was already dressed and ready. My excitement far outweighed my nerves and I was eager to start proving myself.

Just as I folded Edward's letter and tucked it in the drawer of my nightstand where his other letters were, Bree came running into my run and jumped on the bed.

"You look so pretty, Esme!"

Her bright smile and never-ending enthusiasm made me smile in return. "Thank you, sweetheart. What do you think?" I asked, twirling so she could see my whole dress. "Do I look ready for work?"

"You look perfect," she replied. "Like the girls in the war posters."

I laughed. "Come on, silly. It's time for me to leave."

I took her hand and allowed her to lead me into the hall and down the stairs. We found my mother and aunt preparing posters for the war bond rally that would take place at the high school later in the week.

"Esme has to go to work," Bree announced once we entered the room.

"Yes she does," Victoria said. "Did you help her get ready?"

"No," Bree replied. "She was already beautiful when I found her."

"I bet she was," my mother said. "Don't worry about a thing, Esme," she continued. "You'll do a great job, and we'll have dinner waiting when you get back."

"Thanks," I replied, kissing my mother on the cheek and then Victoria.

Bree once again reached for my hand. "I'll walk Esme out."

She led me down the driveway to the cab I had called for. "I'll miss you," she said.

"I'll miss you too, Bree." I bent down to wrap my arms around her. "I'll see you when I get home."

"You sure will," she replied as I released her and climbed into the cab.

The sight of her skipping back toward the house brought a smile to my face and made me believe that my first day of work would be a good one.

**oOoOoOo**

So, how's your first day going?"

I looked up from my desk to see Bella leaning against it, a pack of cigarettes in her hand.

I had already been here two hours and had only seen her when I first arrived. She had been talking to one of the officers, but gave me a wave and an encouraging smile while one of the other girls showed me what I would be doing.

"Good so far," I answered. "It's just a little overwhelming being thrown into the middle of things."

She smiled sympathetically. "It gets easier once you form a routine."

I simply nodded. Truthfully, the job wasn't hard at all. I caught on to the way everything worked fairly quickly. I was already skilled at the radio controls and was developing my own system for keeping everything running smoothly.

"Come on," Bella said, grabbing my arm. "You get two fifteen minute breaks per shift and you've already been here two hours."

I followed her outside into the mid-afternoon sunshine. We found a bench to rest on under a palm tree a little ways away from the building. Bella took out the old-fashioned stem for her cigarette and lit one, taking a puff.

"Why do you use the stem?" I asked.

She took a long drag before answering. "It was my mother's. I used to play with it when I was a kid. She abandoned my dad and me when I was nine, and didn't take it with her."

Her easy attitude toward such a past caught me off guard.

I did not at all know what to say to that. I knew I had lived a rather sheltered life. There was no way I could imagine being abandoned by my mother.

"I'm sorry," I finally whispered.

She simply shrugged. "Don't be. My father, Charlie, is the only parent I need. He loves me enough for two."

"Any siblings?" I asked.

"None that I know of, but that honestly doesn't mean much considering I've never even heard from my mother."

"What about you?" she asked, nudging my thigh. "I told you my story, now let's hear yours. And don't tell me you don't have one. I saw it behind your eyes the day I met you."

_Could I tell Bella my story so soon?_

I barely knew her. I didn't even know her last name. Today was really the first day of our acquaintance. But even for how little I knew about her, the things I did know were deep. I knew that she abandoned by her mother at a painfully young age and that she used smoking as an escape from that.

After such a staggering confession I knew she deserved the truth from me. And she was surprisingly easy to open up in front of – despite her somewhat abrasive nature.

"How long have you been in Hawaii, Bella?"

"Not long," she answered. "I heard there were jobs available because of the war. My father was a police officer, but he was injured on the job a few months ago. We don't have any other family to help us so I had to go to work. It was impossible to find anything where we're from, so I came here and send most of my earnings back to him."

I shook my head, smiling. "Just when I'm about to tell you my sob story you go and add another layer to yours. You are an amazing women, Bella. I can tell that about you already."

She shrugged. "I just do what I have to. There's no longer any room for gray in my world. It's all black and white." She was silent for a moment as she took another drag from her cigarette. "Maybe that's why I like you," she continued. "I know nothing about you, but you look like a woman who's been through hell, and is trying to find her way out the other side. I've been there."

I nodded. "The reason I asked you how long you've been here was to find out if you were here the day of the attack." I took a deep breath. "My fiancé was killed that morning."

The air around me felt thick as Bella puffed on her cigarette, seemingly deep in thought.

"I was hoping it wasn't something like that, but given that you're obviously an island girl I guess I should have known." She turned to look at me. "I imagine it's not something that's easy for you to talk about."

I shook my head. "No, but I am getting better. Every time I tell someone about Charles it gets easier to let go. Just, please don't feel sorry for me. I've had enough pity to last me several lifetimes."

She gave a small laugh. "I would imagine, hon. It's clear to me that you're putting the pieces of your life back together one step at a time. You don't need any pity from me."

"So," she continued. "What do people do for fun around here? I haven't met anyone I want to spend time with yet. My life has been filled with nothing but work since I've been here."

I was grateful to Bella for changing the subject. Even though it was becoming easier to discuss Charles it still wasn't something I enjoyed doing. The pain was still too raw.

"There's a war bond rally at the high school this weekend," I replied. "You should come."

"And what does one do at a war bond rally? I've never been to one."

"It's a lot of fun," I replied. "The boys from Hickham do mock dogfights and there's always some local dancers doing a show. It's as close to a fair or carnival as we can get, I guess."

"Sounds good," she said. "Will your friends be there?"

I nodded. "And my little cousin, Bree. She'll certainly make it entertaining."

"Well then you can count me in."

"I'm glad," I said, smiling. "It'll be fun having you there."

"Yes, and as nice as this has been we both need to get back to work before they send someone out here to find us."

I nodded in agreement, but as I went to stand up my heel caught on a crack in the sidewalk and I stumbled into a set of the largest arms I had ever seen. The owner of the arms helped me regain my balance as he laughed lightly.

I looked up to find a smiling face with pronounced dimples. He was just as tall as he was bulky, but despite his stature he seemed friendly.

"Thank you," I said.

"No problem, ma'am. It's not every day I get to help a pretty lady."

He saluted me, tipped his hat, and smiled as he continued walking. I turned to Bella to see her watching my rescuer with her head cocked to the side and a mischievous grin on her face.

"Well, he's awfully beautiful," she said as she threaded her arm through mine.

I shrugged but didn't comment as we made our way back to the communications building. I found myself thinking about the upcoming weekend. I was looking forward to spending time with Rose, Alice, and my baby cousin. Having Bella there would only make the whole day better. The girl certainly was fascinating.

**oOoOoOo**

Saturday morning found me sitting at my vanity watching in the mirror as tiny hands shaped artful curls around the crown of my head, pinning and tucking as they went so they formed a gorgeous ripple of gold and brown down my back.

The minute Rose and I had told Alice about the rally she immediately began rattling off a list of possible outfits we all could wear as well as how she wanted to do our hair and makeup.

I had no idea Alice was so interested in beauty, but now, sitting in my room with her, Rose, and Bree it was plain to see she lived and breathed fashion.

I had plenty of beautiful dresses lining my closet and it hadn't taken her long to pull out a purple mid-length shift dress with a black belt. She insisted it was perfect and I had to agree with her. The excitement in her eyes made all of us a little giddy. It was impossible to resist her enthusiasm.

Especially for Bree, who still thought Alice could do no wrong.

She was full of pent up energy, and was bouncing around the room, draping Rose in every ribbon and decorative piece she could find while Alice finished my hair. Rose took it all in stride and seemed to be happy to let Bree do whatever she wanted.

It seemed I was the only person in the room whose nerves were on edge.

I convinced myself it was because Bella was coming and I was hoping that she would blend in seamlessly with my friends. Bella differed from us in many ways, but she was also very similar to Rose and Alice. She was a free spirit, yet, she was also grounded by the harsh realities of not only war, but life itself.

I loved her already. I could only hope Rose and Alice would as well.

Rose, however, was convinced my nerves were the result of a certain doctor who would be in attendance today. I couldn't deny that I was thrilled by the possibility of running into Carlisle, but he was not the source of my anxiety. I hadn't told Rose and Alice that Bella would be joining us, yet, so Rose had no real information to go on.

And Rosalie Hale loved her theory as to what Carlisle's intentions were concerning me.

She rarely spoke of it out loud, knowing I was in no position to think in those terms, but I could see it written all over her face every time his name came up.

I couldn't deny Carlisle was beautiful. His golden hair and green eyes were such a rare site on the islands; he couldn't help but stand out.

Perhaps in another lifetime I could have fallen for him. That could only ever be a dream – something to be thought over in secret, but never brought into the open. Everything I was belonged to Charles, and even though I was beginning to put my shattered life back together, romance was not something that would be in the cards anytime soon.

"There," Alice said, bringing me out of my thoughts. "I'm done. What do you think?" She was biting her lip and watching me nervously as I gazed at my reflection in the mirror. I looked _beautiful_. More beautiful than I had in a long time.

"Alice, I love it!" I stood up and pulled her into a massive hug, even lifting her a little ways off the floor. Our display caused Bree to dissolve in a fit of laughter. I looked over to the bed where she had draped Rose's hair in every color ribbon she could find. We all laughed at that sight.

Once we were all ready, and Rose was wearing considerably less ribbons, we made our way downstairs to where my parents and Victoria were waiting.

It was only a ten minute drive to the high school. We arrived with plenty of time to help my mother and her church friends set up the station where the bonds would be sold.

Once people began arriving we decided to walk around and see the different things vendors had available. At every rally different local businesses would bring items to sell and donate the profits to the war effort. It was like taking a trip through the whole island chain in a five minute walk around the parking lot.

We bought Bree some candy at the first stand under the condition that she not tell her mother. She was more than happy to stay quiet and even shared our favorite flavors with each of us.

I began to watch the crowds for any sign of Bella as more people arrived. I was so preoccupied with searching for my newest friend that I hardly noticed when Alice pointed out that Carlisle had arrived.

He was wearing his full dress uniform and I had to admit he looked every bit as angelic as I believed him to be. He tried to appear calm and collected as he joined our group, obviously relieved to be with people he knew, but I could tell he wasn't very comfortable around so many people.

"Hi, Esme." His voice was as smooth as ever, and his smile radiated happiness. I saw Rose give a triumphant smirk behind him, no doubt because he said hello to me first.

"Hello, Carlisle," I replied. "It was nice of you to come today."

He nodded. "I haven't actually been to one of these yet, so I figured I should come see what all the fuss was about."

"Oh, Doctor Cullen, you'll have so much fun," Alice broke in.

He then began to say hello to everyone in our group and just as he bent down on one knee to greet Bree, Alice gave an excited gasp.

"Look Rose," she said, grabbing Rose's arm. "It's that girl from the radio building, remember?"

I spun around to see Bella walking toward us with a large smile on her face, and an incredibly large man in a navy uniform beside her. As they got closer I realized it was my rescuer from Monday's run in with the sidewalk.

"Hey, Esme, look who I found," Bella shouted.

"Well if it isn't sidewalk girl," my rescuer said once they reached us. "Tripped lately?"

"No," I replied, laughing at his gentle teasing. He introduced himself as Emmett, and as he and Bella both exchanged introductions with everyone, I found myself watching their reactions in amusement.

Alice appeared wary of Emmett's size while Rose looked at him like he was made for her. I silently laughed at the thought Bella was going to have some competition for him.

Carlisle was polite, as always, and seemed intrigued by Emmett's boisterous nature. I didn't doubt why. They were almost exact opposites.

And Bree was beyond thrilled when Emmett lifted her off the ground, spun her in the air, and offered to buy her all the ice cream she could eat.

"My neighbor makes the best homemade vanilla," Rose said. "She's selling some by the gate. I'll show you."

And just like that, the three of them were off. Alice and Bella hadn't even noticed as they were now discussing the complex features of Bella's dress. I smiled and looked up, noticing Carlisle was watching me.

I nodded my head to the side. "You can't come to one of these without sampling all the local food," I said.

"Well, in that case, lead the way." He offered me his arm, and we set off on a tour of the rally.

On our first trip around the parking lot Carlisle bought at least one war bond from every little girl who was walking around selling them. I smiled as I watched children I had known since they were babies fall victim to Carlisle's natural charm. I couldn't blame them. He was, quite simply, someone you wanted to be around.

We walked by a fruit stand, and I couldn't resist picking up a guava.

"Have you ever had one of these?" I asked, turning to Carlisle.

He shook his head. "I can't say that I have. Are they a favorite of yours?"

"She used to throw them at her brother when they were younger," Mister Kimura interrupted.

"Oh hush," I said, turning to the old man who had known me since I was a baby. "We'll take two."

I reached into my coin purse before he stopped me. "You know I don't charge you, Esme."

"It's for the war effort," I said, thrusting the money into his hand.

"So, you have a brother?" Carlisle asked as we walked to the grassy area beside the school where the dogfight would be viewed from.

"Yes," I replied. "Edward. He's twenty, and stationed on the mainland for now."

"Navy?"

"It's what he was born for," I said.

"There is a certain pull to it."

"Did you always want to join?" I asked.

"Not always," he replied. "I've wanted to be a doctor since I was a child, but it wasn't until high school that I began to consider the military."

I nodded. "Edward always wanted this life. So did Charles. I think that's what influenced Edward the most."

"Your fiancé?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes," I replied, my voice dropping to a whisper.

"I'm sorry, Esme," Carlisle said quickly. "I didn't intend to cause you any sadness."

"You didn't," I said, pressing my hand to his arm to reassure him. "It's not difficult to talk about him. I won't deny that it used to be, but I'm moving on with my life."

"As long as you never leave him completely behind, Esme." His voice told me he spoke from experience. I didn't want to pry but my face couldn't help forming a curious expression.

"My mother died when I was very young," he continued. "I don't remember her, but that hole is always there. You never stop thinking about the way things could have been."

I nodded but didn't say anything as we found a grassy spot on a small hill that would be perfect for seeing the planes do their demonstration. Not long after we sat down Rose and Emmett found us, and I was shocked to see them holding hands. I gave Rose a questioning look, but she simply shrugged. Bree settled into my lap with a large cup of ice cream. She looked like a typical, happy eight-year-old.

"Are you having fun, Esme?" she asked.

"I sure am, little one. Did you have fun with Rose and Emmett?"

She nodded. "Emmett is so fun. He was telling me all about what the pilots are going to do. He knows so much. And he bought me plenty of candy." I laughed as she added the last part almost as an afterthought. "But don't tell my mom," she continued. "She wouldn't like that."

"I'm sure she wouldn't," I replied, smiling.

I turned to look at Carlisle. He was eating his guava and smiling as Bree scampered out of my lap to sit with Alice when she and Bella arrived. Alice began picking wildflowers and forming them into a crown for the little princess.

"Is she your only cousin?" he asked.

Yes," I replied. "My father has another brother, Garrett, but he doesn't have any children yet, so it's just Bree."

He nodded, deep in thought. "I don't have any family," he said after a moment. "Other than my father. It was always just the two of us."

"I used to wish I was an only child when I was a kid, but I truly couldn't live without Edward. I don't know what I would do if something happened to him."

"I can imagine," he replied. "You're lucky to have people you're so close too."

We sat in silence for several moments as more families gathered on the grass. Their happy, carefree attitudes made it impossible for me to feel sorry for myself.

"Are you enjoying your guava?" I asked.

"I am. It's very delicious. And now that I've heard about it, you have to tell me the story. Why did you throw them at your brother?"

"He started it," I said, rolling my eyes. "It was just something we did to have fun. There weren't a lot of options in those days."

He nodded. "I know what you mean. You were lucky, though, to have someone to spend your time with in that way."

"You didn't have anybody?" I asked. I hated the thought of such a kind person growing up so lonely.

"There were kids in the neighborhood, but I was always very shy, and they never wanted me around much. I would try to play baseball with them in this field behind the houses, but they only ever let me catch."

"I'm sure you were an expert catcher," I said, smiling.

He returned my smile in a way that said he was not used to being complimented very often. I resolved to find a new thing about him to compliment every day, just to see him smile like that.

"Anyway," he continued. "One day one of the boys was hurt, and none of us knew what to do. That was what piqued my interest in medicine."

The distinct rumble of an aircraft engine in the background cut our conversation short, signaling the beginning of the show. I noticed Bree bouncing excitedly on Alice's lap as the fighter planes became visible.

I watched in rapt fascination as they performed aerial acrobatics and seemingly uncoordinated moves that I knew where actually well rehearsed. The two opposing planes moved around each other in an impressive display of maneuvers that I had seen countless times before, but they never failed to leave me breathless.

This is what Charles had been born to do. What he had died doing under drastically different circumstances. For the first time since his death I was filled with a strong sense of pride where usually only sadness resided as I watched the plane's display.

I no longer felt the overwhelming grief consume me as I had at previous rallies where mock dogfights had taken place. It felt as though the steps I had taken recently to bring myself back from my own personal hell were finally working.

I was not defined by what I had been through, but by what I was doing to secure a future for myself, and recreate my own life.

The sudden realization hit me that I finally knew myself again.

Charles was a part of who I was – he was ingrained on my very soul, but I realized I could exist without him. It wouldn't be easy, but watching the planes shoot across the bright afternoon sky felt almost like him giving me permission to go on.

I nearly forgot where I was as I fell into a peaceful haze of memories mixed with thoughts of how far I had come when Carlisle's voice startled me.

"I bet you know the names of every move they're performing, don't you?" He asked close to my ear.

I nodded. "I do. I can proudly say I know them all."

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**Auinala means afternoon.**

**I took a small liberty with the way real war bond rallies worked, but from what I've read many organizations held these kinds of afternoons too. I basically just combined the two.**

**Endless thanks and love to Mackenzie L and texasunshine for their work on this chapter.**

**Thank you to my good friend, kr2009, for reccing this story in her lastest chapter of _Perfect Love. _You are amazing, darling. **

**And thank you to everyone who is out there reading this. It means so much to me!**


	7. Lei

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to their respective owners. The author of this story in no way profits from its use or distribution.**

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_Flowers... are a proud assertion that a ray of beauty out values all the utilities of the world. _

_~Ralph Waldo Emerson_

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_May 4, 1942_

_Dear Edward,_

_It's so good to hear how well you're doing, little brother. I'm glad you're enjoying your training and it's great to hear that you and Jasper are becoming close. I'm feeling closer to Alice every day. I know how important it is to have strong friendships during times like these. _

_I've also made a new friend. Her name is Bella. We work together in the radio communications department. She's unlike anyone I've ever known. Her personality is harsher and more forceful than Rose's if you can believe that, but she welcomed me to work and into her life with open arms. I love her already for that. She was exactly the wakeup call I needed to officially snap me out of the stupor I've been living in. _

_I have to admit I am torn inside about the possibility of a homecoming for you, Edward. I would love nothing more than to spend some time with you, and have you here with our family and friends. However, the knowledge that it would only be a short stopping point on your way to war makes me uneasy. I don't delude myself into thinking you'll never see battle, but the reality of it happening so soon is not something I like._

_I hope you're getting along well with all the other men in your company. I hear about Jasper, but do you have any other close friends in your ranks? I hate the thought of you feeling alone; especially because we have such a large family and extended family. _

_There are so many people here I am excited for you to meet. I think you and Bella would get along quite well. Like I said, she's a lot like Rose. You'll likely find Alice highly amusing. She's full of more energy than I know what to do with most days. There are also the boys, Emmett and Carlisle. _

_Emmett is… big. That's the only way I can describe him. He caught me last week when my heel got caught in a crack in the sidewalk on base. Later we saw him at the rally, and he and Rose have been attached at the hip ever since. I know it's hard to imagine. _

_Carlisle is wonderful. He's a doctor on base. I met him when I was at the park with Rose and I fell off the low wall that surrounds the grass. My hand was sliced by a rock and she insisted her boss check it out. He is an amazingly kind man. I got to know him a little better at the war bond rally. I hope you can meet him if you do get to come home. I think you'll like him. _

_Oh Edward, I wish you could have been here for the rally. It was a wonderful afternoon. Bree is here right now, along with Victoria. She had such a fun time yesterday. It made me remember the one we went to right before you left when you accidentally dropped little Bobbie's ice cream and she made you buy her three more to make it up to her. _

_I miss you, little brother. I can't wait to see you again, but until then, you're always in my thoughts. Stay Safe. I love you._

_The best sister ever,_

_Esme_

I folded the letter and carefully placed it in the envelope. It had been a week since I received Edward's letter, and I felt terrible for not replying sooner. I never imagined my life would become so busy that I put off the most important person for that long.

The brief letter he had sent me sat on the surface of my desk, reminding me once again how much my brother loved me. He had simply jotted down a quick note when he was preparing for his day, unwilling to make his sister wait.

The thought that I made him wait when he refused to do the same for me made me want to add several pages of apology to my letter. I could see him shaking his head and smiling while reading it.

My musings were interrupted by a knock on the bedroom door. I turned around to see Bree, still dressed in her finest silk church dress. She wouldn't come out of it for the rest of the day. She loved Sundays because she could run around in that dress, pretending she was a princess.

"Are you writing a letter to Edward?" she asked.

"I just finished. Do you want to see?"

I handed her the letter as she nodded excitedly. She sat down on the bed and studied the page carefully. After several moments her eyes widened and she giggled. "I want three ice creams!"

"No ma'am," I said with a laugh.

"Where are your other letters from Edward?"

"There in the nightstand." I pointed to the top drawer, and she rushed over and opened it. It didn't take her long to settle into the sea of pillows on my bed with a stack of letters, eagerly devouring every word.

She carefully placed each piece of paper in a neat stack on the bed when she finished, as if she were handling treasured documents. It occurred to me that she was, and she knew just how important they were to me, and was determined to treat them with care.

I realized I should have felt some sense of self-preservation at the thought of her reading such personal words, knowing not all of the letters were from Edward, but I didn't. If Bree wanted to share in my happier times, she was more than welcome too.

I looked up when I heard a sniffle and saw her wiping a stray tear from her cheek.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

"I miss Uncle Charles," she whispered.

I moved to the bed and gathered her into my arms. "So do I, honey, but you know what?"

She wiped her eyes and shook her head. "What?"

"He may be gone, but he's always here with us in spirit. Does that make sense?"

"Kind of," she replied. "It's like my daddy being gone, but he's coming back and Charles isn't."

"That's exactly right. And do you know what I do when I need to know that he's with me?"

"What do you do?" she asked, her voice filled with curiosity.

I pointed to the palm trees that were lightly blowing in the breeze outside. "You see the way those trees sway back and worth?" She nodded. "I imagine the way Charles used to hold me and rock me just like those trees are moving, and I know he's watching me from heaven, imagining the exact same thing."

"That's so sweet, Esme," she said. "But why do you keep his letters hidden away?"

"I don't really know, honey. Sometimes it's too painful to see them. I do wish I had a better place to keep them, though."

"You should make a nice place for them," she said. "Like an art project."

"That's a very good idea, Bree. What do you have in mind?"

She shrugged. "Maybe like a scrapbook. That way you have something pretty you can look at that will remind you of him."

"I love it. Why don't we ask the girls to come over and help us? We need to see if we need any supplies too."

"Okay!" She jumped off the bed and ran downstairs before I could even stand up. I smiled, thinking maybe this was what we all needed right now – an afternoon filled with memories, and laughter, and fun.

**oOoOoOo**

Two hours later found me, Bree, Alice, Rose, and Bella sitting in a semi-circle on my bedroom floor with an explosion of home-made art supplies around us.

It turned out Alice loved to make scrapbooks of fashions she liked. She was more than happy to give me a book she hadn't filled yet.

We couldn't get any glue but I combined enough water and starch to work as a paste. Bree went with my mother to get the old photo albums and found several pictures that would be good to use. They were spread across the carpet in front of us, mixed in with the letters and memorabilia that would also go in the book.

My grandfather had purchased a camera when I was younger, and though it was large and cumbersome, he loved to use it. He would make all his grandchildren, including Rose and Charles, pose for photo after photo as we were all growing up.

I was grateful now that I had these snapshots of memory to keep forever.

Even though each image was in black and white, in my mind I could see it all so vividly. I picked up a faded photo with frayed edges containing a scene in the backyard. Charles and I were watching Edward and Rose fence with long sticks. I could barely see the two of them in the background. Charles had him arm around my shoulder and we were both smiling as we sat on the patio, paying attention to nothing but each other.

I put the photo down in my lap, and began sifting through the pile of letters.

"Which one are you looking for?" Rose asked.

"There's one where he mentioned the story behind this picture."

I read through letter after letter until I found it. The page was faded – worn from age and being read one too many times. The lines of perfect penmanship were almost unreadable, the product of spending so many years in the restricting confines of a drawer. But I could still make out the words I was looking for.

… _The sun was so bright, the paleness of your skin absorbed each ray, and you had never looked more beautiful, darling. I can barely remember what even started Edward and Rose's pretend fight. All I recall is how happy you were being there with all of us. _

Rose gently pried the letter from my hand and read through it.

"I can't believe how carefree we all were back then," she said.

"I think everyone misses that sense of innocence," Alice chimed in. "Not just missing our childhoods, but the time before the war began."

"That's true," I agreed.

"Yes, but at the same time, events shape us even when we don't realize it. The things that have happened to each of us in our lives work to form who we are. You can apply the same concept to the world as a whole."

We all stared at Bella in silence as she finished speaking. She was right of course. I missed Charles every day and I knew I always would, but the more time went by the easier it was to see that my life was not over.

One chapter had ended, and I was waiting for the next to begin.

"That was deep," Rose finally whispered.

Bella laughed, lightening the mood. "I can be deep."

We all joined in on her laughter before continuing to work in silence for several minutes.

"So, Rose," Bella finally said. "You and Emmett?"

I stopped what I was doing and looked up. Across from me Alice had stopped too. We were both anxious to hear this. I had to admit to some anxiety. I knew Bella had developed a small crush on Emmett the day he caught me on the sidewalk.

Rose nodded, smiling enthusiastically. "Me and Emmett."

"And…" Bella prompted. "How did this happen? One minute you two were meeting for the first time, the next you were holding hands."

Rose shrugged. "When you know what you want I guess you just go for it. Life's too short."

Her eyes flickered to me as she finished speaking. I wanted nothing more in that moment than to wrap my arms around her. Not only were we shaped by the events of our lives, as Bella had said, but also by the things that happened to those we loved.

Losing Charles had obviously had a profound impact on Rose as well, and I had been selfish not to realize how deeply that loss was felt before now.

"I think you two are perfect for each other," Alice said. "He couldn't stop smiling every time he looked at you."

Rose's cheeks filled with color and she ducked her head shyly. Shy wasn't a word I would often associate with Rose. It was clear just how deep their attraction went.

"What about Esme?" Rose asked. "You seem to be getting closer to Carlisle." She had a triumphant grin on her face, making me wonder if she would ever stop this matchmaking game of hers.

"He's a good friend," I replied evenly. "I enjoy his company. There's nothing more to it than that."

"You can't exclude the possibility of it never being more, though," Bella said. "You two have an amazingly strong connection. It was plain as day to me even though I had never even met him before."

"I know it's there," I said. "He understands me. And yes, before you ask, he is very attractive."

"Is it only the grief that's holding you back?" Rose asked.

I thought for a moment. I didn't think it had anything to do with grief, honestly. I had made my peace with the fact Charles was gone and that I could move on with my life. It didn't exactly make it any easier, but the logic couldn't be ignored.

Sometimes I felt like it was the fear of the unknown holding me back. My relationship with Charles began developing when we were children, even though neither of us knew it then.

I shook my head. "No," I answered. "It's all just so new."

Bella placed her hand on my knee. "No one is asking you to rush anything, hon. We probably wouldn't even let you." Rose and Alice nodded their heads in agreement. "We're just telling you not to write things off so quickly."

I nodded in understanding. I really couldn't have asked to be surrounded by better people. Everyone I had in my life had my best interests at heart, just as I had theirs. As I watched my friends paste letters and photos to paper I knew that Carlisle was included in those I wanted the best for.

I still barely knew him, but I knew with an absolute certainty he deserved no less.

**oOoOoOo**

The next afternoon after my work shift I sat on a small bench under a palm, pressing flowers between the pages of a book.

We had agreed that the scrapbook needed a little something extra to feel complete. There were plenty of photos and accompanying letters, but there was no real decoration. No color jumping off the page to invite one to look on.

It occurred to me as I was sitting on the patio later that night, watching the flowers sway in my mother's garden that they were exactly what I needed.

It was a boring process, pressing flowers, but something about it was oddly therapeutic. Flowers were a form of life, and just like the life I had shared with Charles, I was preserving them forever in my book.

"Esme?"

My head snapped up automatically at the sound of my name spoken by a voice I was becoming comfortably familiar with.

Carlisle was standing a few feet away watching me curiously. "Hi, Carlisle."

He smiled and moved to sit beside me on the bench. I opened the book and revealed a beautiful pressed Hibiscus.

"May I ask why you are pressing flowers?" he asked, gingerly picking up the orange flower.

"I'm making a scrapbook and I figured it could use some color."

"Well then allow me to help you." He reached for the largest Melia blossom on the tree behind us and pressed it into one of the books I had.

I smiled, doing the same. We worked together in silence for several minutes, creating a beautiful array of color for my book. I was impressed by how gently he handled my flowers – his instincts as a physician taking over as he carefully laid each one on the bench between us.

"Did you enjoy yourself at the rally?" I asked.

He nodded. "I did. I had a wonderful time."

"I still can't believe you had never been to one before."

He laughed. "I've never had people to enjoy such an afternoon with."

"You've never thought about going by yourself?" I asked curiously.

He shrugged. "No. I guess I've always figured it was the kind of thing best experienced in the company of friends."

I reached over and placed my hand on his forearm. "Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it, and you'll always have a place with us."

"Thank you, Esme. That means quite a lot to me."

"That's what I'm here for," I replied brightly. "To make the people I care about happy."

He shook his head, laughing. "You are incredibly amazing, you know that, right? You spend so much time trying to improve the lives of those around you, all while never worrying about yourself."

I had never really thought of it that way. "I guess I was just raised to be selfless. Besides," I said, shrugging, "why feel sorry for myself? It doesn't change anything."

"And that's exactly why you're so amazing, Esme. You have every right to hate the world, and yet, you don't."

I laughed. "I wasn't always so well adjusted, you know. Rose will tell you I was a demon sent from hell to make her life miserable for the first couple months."

His eyes widened, and then his lips formed a small smirk. "Let me guess, she actually told you that."

I nodded. "She sure did. Right after I threw a glass at her head and told I didn't want her infecting me with her cheery attitude."

His eyes widened again. "She may have had a point."

I laughed and shoved his shoulder. "Don't be mean," I said playfully. "I told you I wasn't always fun to be around."

"Well it's a good thing you had someone like Rose," he said. "She doesn't put up with nonsense very well."

I snorted. "She sure didn't put up with mine." Suddenly I had an idea. "And exactly how many times have you endured the wrath of Rosalie Lillian Hale, Doctor Cullen?"

He smiled. "Quite a few. In fact my first day here she didn't care for the way I organized my office. I was introduced to the pushy side of Rose fairly early."

"Let me guess. She reorganized the entire room while you were doing rounds."

"You know your best friend well."

"I know that girl better then I know myself."

His eyes fell to the flower in his hand. "Your relationship with Rose fascinates me," he said. "I meant it when I said I never had that growing up."

"It makes me sad to think of you being so lonely. You are far too good a person to have no one."

"I have friends now," he replied, meeting my eyes. I could see the joy in them at the thought that he was being included in something.

"You always will, Carlisle."

He smiled, taking the small flower he was holding and placing it behind my ear. "Beautiful," he whispered. I blushed under his gaze.

"I have an idea," he said, suddenly turning to the plant behind us and grabbing a handful of delicate buds.

"What are you doing?" I couldn't keep the laughter out of my voice as he laid the flowers down beside him and began intricately weaving them together.

"Making you a lei." His voice was so matter of fact, I had to laugh.

"You know how to make a lei?"

"No idea. I am entirely making this up as I go along."

"Well it looks like you are doing a wonderful job given that you aren't using string." He smiled as he continued to braid the flowers together into a long ring.

"There," he said, holding up a beautiful necklace of soft purple Melia buds. "It's finished."

I smiled as he scooted closer on the bench and draped the lei over my neck. He carefully lifted my hair in the back and let it fall down my back over the flowers. I fingered the petals of the largest flower, marveling at the sweetness of Carlisle's actions in making it for me.

"Thank you, Carlisle. It's beautiful."

His smile was radiant. "It suits you well, island girl."

He fingered the pile of pressed flowers on the bench. "Do you think you have enough?"

"Oh I have more than enough," I replied.

"I doubt any scrapbook in the world will rival yours for color."

"I should probably get home before my family wonders where I wandered off to."

He helped me gather my things and offered me his arm. "In that case, allow me to get you a cab, so long as you promise to keep that lei until it dies and then return it to the earth."

I reached up to touch my necklace once more and smiled. "Someone knows his island traditions," I teased. He laughed and led me to the street where he called for a cab. Just as I was about to step into the backseat, I turned to face him. "I promise to take care of it."

His answering smile was all the encouragement I needed to make sure my impromptu gift was treated with more care and respect than even the most professionally made leis.

The ride home was uneventful, but my mind buzzed with the sweet simplicity of Carlisle's gift, and his much welcome presence in my life. I had to give Rose the necessary credit for everything she did to help me out of my self-inflicted hell, and for never backing down no matter what I threw at her. But I was starting to realize that it was Carlisle who was making my new life enjoyable.

I always knew I could count on certain people to make me smile in any situation, but Carlisle didn't even have to try. His very presence in my life gave me an enormous sense of peace and happiness.

I would forever be indebted to him for that.

By the time I reached my house I was feeling lighter than I had in a long time. I entered the sitting room, grinning from ear to ear and still twirling my lei between my fingers.

My mother was sitting on the sofa, a letter in her hand. When she looked up at me I felt a knot twist in my stomach. Her expression was equal parts joy and horror – both looks battling for dominance on her face. I wanted to ask what had happened, but the fear of knowing kept me rooted to the spot, and my mouth tightly shut.

I didn't have to wait long for her to break the silence.

"Edward is coming home."

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**A Lei is a traditional Hawaiian necklace made of flowers that have been threaded together on a string. Carlisle improvised. The comment about returning the necklace to the earth once the flowers have died is the traditional way to dispose of the lei. It is considered disrepctful to place them in the trash.**

**On the mainland we call the Melia flower Plumeria. They are the same plant.**

**Thank you to Mackenzie L for her wonderful beta skills. Texasunshine is the best pre-reader I could ask for.**

**And, as always, thank you all so much for reading!**


	8. Kaikuaana

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to their respective owners. The author of this story in no way profits from its use or distribution.**

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_"Brothers and sisters are as close as hands and feet."_

_~Vietnamese Proverb_

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I bounced on the balls of my feet as I watched the skies for the airplane that would inevitably appear. It seemed like half of Honolulu had come out to greet the new soldiers coming into Pearl Harbor. It was clear some were waiting for someone they knew, like me. The rest were simply showing their support for the war effort.

I didn't think I had ever seen so much red, white, and blue. It seemed like everyone carried a small American flag. They waved them in time with each other – all coming together in a small way to show their patriotism.

Children ran in and out of the crowd, wound into balls of energy by the excitement in the air.

Bree, for her part, looked bored. She stood between my aunt and her mother, rolling her flag around its stick again and again.

I smiled as I watched her. Since the day the letter had come, informing our family that Edward would be passing through the islands, the atmosphere in our home had been conflicted.

We were all excited to be seeing him, but the reality that this was only one brief stop on his way to war loomed over us all like a cloud waiting to unleash a storm. My mother was taking it the hardest. I watched as she peered over the crowd, waiting for the plane to come in. Her face wore a mask of excitement, but there was always a hint of fear behind her eyes.

Edward was her baby boy. The thought of him going off to war tore her up inside.

She shared her worries with me the night the letter had come. I had snuck downstairs in the middle of the night for a glass of water, and saw a light on in the sitting room. I stood in the doorway and watched as my mother sat in a chair next to the window. She had lifted the blackout curtain halfway, and was staring out into the pitch black night.

I didn't say anything, but I knew she sensed my presence when she began sobbing. I made my way to where she sat and placed my hand on her shoulder, squeezing it in a show of comfort. She placed her hand over mine and rubbed the back of my hand.

"Is it wrong that I want my child safe, even if it's at the expense of someone else's?" Her voice was quiet but measured, despite the tears that still rolled down her cheeks.

"No mother," I said as I moved to sit in the chair next to hers. I kept a tight hold on her hand and stroked her thumb reassuringly. "It's never wrong to wish for your children's safety. No matter what."

She nodded and turned back toward the window, lost in thought.

I knew the memory of that night would stay with me forever. My mother was a fiercely strong woman. She rarely allowed herself to show weakness.

Watching her now, as we stood on the tarmac at Hickham, I could see how hard she was fighting to look as happy as I knew she was.

I looked around once more and caught a glimpse of Emmett standing with a group of sailors. He caught my eye and waved, smiling wide. I knew Rose would be here soon. She was just as excited to see Edward as the rest of us. I wondered if she knew Emmett was here.

To Emmett's right I saw the familiar blond hair that could only belong to Carlisle. He was moving through the crowd, trying to get closer to the front. The minute he spotted me his face broke into a wide grin. He cut a path through the crowd and came to where I was standing.

"Good morning, Esme," he said, touching my elbow in an oddly sweet gesture.

"Good morning," I replied. "Do you know anyone who is coming in today?"

"No." He shook his head. "I just wanted to show my support."

"Edward is coming home today," I said, unable to keep the smile off my face at the thought of my brother.

"Really?" Carlisle sounded genuinely surprised. It occurred to me I hadn't seen him since the day we pressed flowers together. The day the letter came. I felt an odd sadness at the fact I hadn't seen him in nearly two weeks. He was becoming such an ever-present fixture in my life, it felt odd when he wasn't around.

"It's only for a little while," I replied sadly. "He's being sent to the front lines in the Pacific."

Carlisle placed a hand on my shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze before rubbing small circles on my back. His reply may have been silent, but I felt it through my whole being. The knowledge that someone knew I was hurting and wanted to do whatever he could to ease that pain was an amazing feeling.

I leaned into his touch and smiled. "You're too good to me, Carlisle." I looked up to see him smiling as he continued to rub my back. He didn't respond, but he really didn't need to. His eyes assured me that he was happy to do what was needed to put me at ease.

A light tugging on my skirt alerted me that we were being watched. I looked down to see Bree look up and to the left. I wondered why she was rolling her eyes at me until I realized I had failed to introduce Carlisle to my parents, and they were both watching us intently.

My cheeks flushed red as my eyes met my mother's. She had her head tilted slightly to the side and appeared to be fighting a smile. My father was standing beside her with one hand on her back and a wide smile on his face.

I shook my head and grinned at my own mistake. Linking my arm through Carlisle's I led him to my parents. "I want to introduce you," I said.

He followed along with no hesitation, putting me more at ease with what I was about to do.

"Esme," my mother said when we reached them. "Who is this fine gentleman?"

"I would like to introduce you both to Doctor Cullen," I said, smiling brightly as my father's face lit up with recognition.

"So you're the man who stitched up our daughter," my father said a little too enthusiastically as he grabbed Carlisle's hand and shook it firmly.

"Yes I am," Carlisle said. "It's very nice to meet you sir. And I'm afraid Esme was being a bit formal. It's just Carlisle."

"Well it's wonderful to meet you, Carlisle," he said before Carlisle turned to greet my mother by placing a kiss on the back of her hand.

Bree came up with one hand behind her back. She used the other to tap Carlisle on the leg to get his attention. He knelt down beside her and she whispered something in his ear while grinning at me like she had some giant secret she couldn't wait to reveal.

A wide smile spread across Carlisle's face as he took whatever she was holding and hid it behind his back. He stood slowly and moved behind me. The fact I couldn't see what he was doing unnerved me, but Bree's excited bouncing calmed me somewhat. Whatever they were planning was something she was thrilled about.

Just then I saw a flash of yellow out of the corner of my eye and felt the pull of a flower stem being pushed behind my ear.

Carlisle stepped in front of me to adjust my new accessory as Bree laughed and clapped, obviously proud of her idea. "Beautiful," he murmured as he stepped away.

"It suits you," my mother said. Dad just smiled. I could tell what they were thinking. Carlisle was perfect for me in their eyes, and I had to move on eventually. It was nothing I hadn't thought myself, but I needed to focus on my brother for the time he was here. Carlisle wasn't going anywhere. At least I hoped he wasn't.

"I'm glad you're here, Carlisle," Bree said. "You get to meet my favorite cousin."

Before I could negatively react to her statement Carlisle shook his head. "Oh no, I could never intrude on a families time to reunite like that."

"Nonsense," my father replied. "You must meet Edward. After all, he once demanded as a child no one was allowed to befriend his sister without asking his permission first."

Carlisle laughed as I playfully hit my father. "He was six!"

"In fact," my father continued, "You should come by the house for dinner tomorrow evening. I'm sure Edward will want to rest today, but I want guests over tomorrow. My boy deserves a grand homecoming."

Carlisle nodded. "I would enjoy that, sir."

"Good." My father turned to me. "Invite Rose as well, sweetie."

"I will," I replied.

"Look," Bree suddenly shouted. She pointed into the distance where Edward's plane was just barely visible.

The crowd broke out in thunderous applause and cheers. Flags were waved, children climbed onto their parents' shoulders for a better look, and everyone felt the same rush of excitement.

I briefly wondered how many other women in the crowd were waiting to welcome their brothers home.

As the plane touched down I instinctively grabbed Carlisle's hand and made my way to the front of the crowd. I could not keep the smile off my face as I watched men slowly emerge from the door and step down the ladder.

My nerves were running high, and I could feel my heartbeat in my ears. I nearly forgot I was holding Carlisle's hand until I felt a gentle squeeze. He leaned in and whispered in my ear. "Calm down."

"I can't help it. I'm nervous."

"I don't think you're nervous, Esme. I think you're excited."

I nodded. "I know."

He reached over and readjusted the flower in my hair. "You know, that was a pretty smooth move on Bree's part," I said.

"She is very perceptive."

"Edward got that gene too. You'll see."

He gave my hand another squeeze. "I can't wait."

The crowd began to disperse as people were reunited with their loved ones. An officer with curly blond hair exited the plane, blinking in the sunlight before putting on a pair of aviators. I would have recognized the flash of bronze hair behind him anywhere.

I let out a breath I hadn't even realized I was holding. Carlisle rubbed the back of my hand with his thumb. I was sure he could sense my sudden relief. "It's Edward," I whispered, looking up at him. He smiled and gave me a small push. "Go."

I released his hand and made my way along the fenced perimeter. Edward saw me as soon as I reached the gate. The largest smile I had ever seen spread across his face. It took all I had not to run the rest of the way to him.

I slowly made my way through the small crowd of reunited couples and families, wanting to prolong this moment as long as possible. As soon as I was within reach Edward dropped his duffle bag to the ground and wrapped his arms around me, lifting me into the air and spinning me around. "I missed you, sis."

"I missed you, too," I whispered.

He put me back on the ground but was still unwilling to let go. So much was different about him, but so much was still the same. His hair was shorter, neater, but still slightly unruly. That would probably never change. He smelled like stale cigarettes and airplane fuel, but he somehow still retained the unmistakable scent of the islands – even though he had been away so long.

He was bigger, his muscles a little more filled out, and he held his head higher than I had seen in a while. He no longer looked like the defeated child I had seen the day we said our first goodbyes to Charles in the hangar bay.

He had a purpose now.

"Where is everybody?" he asked, releasing his grip on me and picking up his duffle.

"Mom and Dad are in the back of the crowd, and Rose is around here somewhere." I grabbed his hand. "I want you to meet someone first." His eyes shone with mischief and I got the distinct feeling he knew exactly who he was about to meet.

I brought him to where Carlisle was waiting, and introduced them. They took to each other immediately, laughing and talking with ease.

"How was your flight?" Carlisle asked.

"The flight home is always the best. It passes quicker than any other trip can."

Carlisle nodded. "I'm sure you're glad to be back on the islands."

"I'm happy to be here with several days to rest," Edward replied, laughing.

I smiled as I linked one arm through Edward's and one arm though Carlisle's. "Come on you two. Let's go find mom and dad."

**oOoOoOo**

Our house felt like a home again with Edward in it. The minute we stepped into the entryway Edward was himself again. Not a sailor in the United States Navy, just Edward – my baby brother.

My mother had unintentionally made a scene at the air force base by bursting into tears as soon as she saw her son. It took several minutes of her straightening his collar before she would believe he was real. Now she couldn't keep the grin off her face and fussed over his every move.

The drive home had been full of her unending questions about everything Edward had done in the months he had been away. After that she moved on to filling him in on all the island gossip that had transpired in his absence. I shook my head at her enthusiasm and watched the scenery pass by, thinking of the dinner that would take place the next day.

Before leaving the airfield we sought out Rose and told her to be at the house the next evening and to bring Emmett with her. She had been so thrilled to see Edward I knew she would likely be over at some point today.

Carlisle seemed to genuinely be looking forward to dinner with my family. I knew I still had questions to look forward to from them, but I couldn't wait to have him over and spend an evening with him and my family together.

Now that we were actually home I could fully picture how enjoyable it would be to have everyone I cared about together for a brief while where nothing else mattered. No war, no death, no heartache.

We all sat down in the sitting room with some fresh lemonade to relax and enjoy Edward's homecoming. He nudged me in the side and raised his eyebrows mischievously. "You seem to have made some new friends."

I couldn't help but notice the emphasis he placed on the word _friends_. "I told you about everyone in my letters. You haven't even met Bella and Alice yet."

He nodded. "You did. And I wasn't aware I would be meeting anyone today."

"Is there something wrong with that?"

"Not at all." He sipped his lemonade in silence for a moment. "I like Carlisle," he finally said. "He makes you smile."

"Yes he does."

"What about you?" I continued, eager to change the subject for the time being. "I thought your friend Jasper was coming to Pearl too."

He laughed. "He exited the plane right in front of me, sis."

"That was Jasper?"

"Yes, ma'am."

I shoved his arm. "Why didn't you introduce me? I didn't even notice where he went."

"I didn't either," he responded honestly. "I was too happy to see my sister."

"Well you're sweet, but I want to meet him."

"You will. I have to report to the base for a little while in the morning and then I can come home. I'll bring him with me."

"Oh Edward, that would be wonderful," my mother interrupted. I had almost forgotten our parents were in the room. "I want to meet the young man who made my son's life a little easier on the mainland."

Edward's eyes lifted in an almost rolling motion. To me it was sweet the way our mother doted on him, but Edward found it incredibly annoying most of the time.

"I'll bring him," he assured her.

"So, exactly how long are you here, son?" my father asked. "The letter sounded unsure."

"Next week," Edward answered. "I have shore leave until Thursday, we leave Saturday."

I felt the familiar pang in my heart at the thought of my brother being exposed to battle so soon.

"Do you know where you're going yet, or can you not tell us?" My mother's voice was quite and hesitant, as if she didn't even want to know the answer.

"I find out Thursday," he replied with equal hesitance. "But I won't be able to say anything. I'm sorry, mom. I wish I could tell you."

She shook her head. "No, I understand that you can't. Will you at least be able to write?"

He nodded. "Yes, they give us stationary and have told us to write our families often and to encourage them to do the same. They say it will increase our morale and remind us why we're there."

"Excellent thinking," my father chimed in.

My father began asking increasingly technical questions about Edward's training while mother and I went to the kitchen to fix lunch.

"It's so good to have him home," she commented.

I put my arm around her shoulder in a hug. "It is. The house feels warmer with him in it."

"I don't know," she said in a teasing voice. "You're not so bad to be around anymore either. And I think I know why."

I raised an eyebrow at her, but didn't say anything.

"You can let yourself be happy, you know," she said.

"Are you going to join Rose in playing matchmaker? Please warn me now."

She laughed. "No, sweetheart. All I'm saying is he's a very nice young man, and maybe you don't see it but it's plain as day to the rest of us how taken he is with you."

I sighed. "I see it too. I just don't know if I'm ready."

"And only you can make that decision, Esme. Just keep an open mind. Sometimes when we aren't looking is when life hands us the best opportunities. Don't waste the days you're given."

"I think I understand that concept better than most, mother," I replied in a clipped tone. I didn't mean to be so rude, but I was having a hard enough time trying to figure out my own feelings for Carlisle. I didn't need to feel like I was being pushed. Charles deserved more respect than that.

"I'm sorry, honey," she said, putting her arms around me. "You know I didn't mean to sound so insensitive. I just want to see you happy."

"I know. Just, let me make my own decisions in my own time. That's all I ask."

She pulled back and patted my cheek, kissing my forehead. "I love you, sweetie. And I never meant to make you sad, especially on such a happy day. Now come on," she continued, picking up the plate of sandwiches. "Let's go spend time with Edward while we can."

My father suggested we eat on the patio, where Bree was already playing. She demanded Edward push her on the swing, but her mother made sure she ate her sandwich first.

I sat on the ground beside the swing set while Edward pushed Bree higher and higher. Our parents sat on the patio with Victoria, talking and laughing. Things felt so normal it was easy to forget they weren't.

Or maybe they were.

Maybe my previous definition of normal had been changed.

I twirled the flower Carlisle had placed in my hair between my fingers. My family _adored_ him. Maybe it was time to admit to myself that I did too.

After all, that six-year-old who had demanded all friends of mine required his approval still came out in Edward sometimes. I witnessed it today. If my baby brother thought Carlisle was good for me that was all I really needed.

I looked up to see him watching me. He gave me a small smile as he looked at the flower I was holding. Sometimes Edward was so perceptive it was as though he could read minds. The slight nod of his head told me everything I needed to hear.

I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Just having him here brought clarity to my own indecision.

He was on my side no matter what, and would approve of any choice I made for myself.

* * *

**Kaikua`ana means brother.**

**I apologize for my general failness in regards to review replies last time. I love you all and I will recitfy my fail this time. I promise.**

**Thank you so much to Mackenzie L and texasunshine for betaing and pre-reading this chapter. Mackenzie got this back to me in record time and Lauren's email made me laugh out loud.**

**As always thank you so much for reading! I would love to hear your thoughts.**


	9. Holoholo

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to their respective owners. The author of this story in no way profits from its use or distribution.**

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_"You meet people who forget you. You forget people you meet. But sometimes you meet those people you can't forget. Those are your 'friends.'"_

_~Anonymous_

* * *

Saturday morning our mother used the last of the flour to make us small crepes, protesting when we said we would eat whatever her and father ate. She insisted we deserved a special treat and that we could even eat upstairs.

Being allowed to eat anywhere in our house other than the dining room or outside was unheard of. Edward and I were all too happy to run upstairs with our plates like children. We now sat on my bed, finishing our breakfast and looking through the scrapbook I had made.

When I told Edward about it the night before he told me what a brilliant idea it was to have a place to keep all of Charles' things that I had, and that one day he would probably ask me to make one for him. He went on to mention future war medals and commendations from the President. I rolled my eyes and simply told him I would make him hundreds of scrapbooks if he asked.

I watched the way his face changed as he turned each page of the book. Having all our childhood memories in one place was clearly something he was enjoying.

"Are you excited to have everyone over tonight?" he asked without looking up.

"Of course I am. And not everyone will be here; just Carlisle and Rose… and Emmett, since where there's Rose, there's Emmett."

"How did that happen anyway? Rose has never dated."

"They met at the war bond rally, and things just fell into place for them. I questioned it at first, too, but I guess when you know something's right, you just know."

He made a noncommittal noise and flipped to the next page.

I raised my eyebrows. "Don't tell me you disapprove, Edward Masen."

"I don't disapprove," he said defensively. "I just don't know the man. I'm waiting to reserve judgment."

"You like Carlisle," I pointed out.

He raised his eyes to mine. "You and Carlisle aren't dating, unless there's something you forgot to mention."

"We're not," I replied. "At least not officially. Neither of us has ever said anything about it. He knows about Charles so sometimes I think he's just trying to give me time, but on the other hand we've only known each other for a couple of months.

He shrugged. "You said it yourself, sis. When you know, you know."

I stared at him as he grinned. He definitely had a point. 'Would you approve of him if he were more than a friend?"

"Didn't I answer this question yesterday?" he joked. "Yes, Esme. I can't pretend to know him yet, but from the little interaction I've seen, you two seem perfect for each other."

I grinned. "The thought of hearing something like that used to make me feel conflicted."

"And now?" he prompted.

"Now I'm starting to see what you mean."

"You're such a different girl now than you were when I left. You're back to being you. We told you this would happen, and it looks like we all know who we can thank for that."

"He has taken on a larger role in my life than I would have imagined I was ready for."

"That's not a bad thing, Esme," Edward said, getting up from the bed and leaning down to kiss the top of my head. "I have to go report in. I'll be back later this morning with Jasper."

I walked downstairs with him, taking our dishes to the kitchen and watching through the window as Edward climbed into our father's car and sped down the driveway.

"He's different isn't he?" my mother asked coming up behind me.

I nodded. "He's had to grow so much in the last few months. Just like me."

She rubbed my arm. "The two of you have experienced things not many people can imagine. I'm so proud of you both."

"Thanks, Mom. That truly does mean a lot."

"I only worry about how war will change him," she continued. "It's inevitable."

"True," I agreed. "He's ready for it, though."

"You think so?" Her voice was hopeful and her desire to believe me was evident in her features. I rubbed her arm reassuringly.

"I do. He's not a little boy anymore, Mom. He's ready."

She nodded. "Why don't you invite those other two friends of yours over tonight, dear? If we're going to have people over for dinner we might as well make it a big dinner."

I laughed. "Alice is working tonight, Mom. She's covering for the fact Rose will be here. I'll call Bella, though. I'm sure she would love to come over."

I kissed her cheek and left, giving her room to begin cooking. I used the phone in the library to call Bella. She was thrilled to be invited to dinner and to be meeting Edward. Between me and Rose she had heard an endless number of stories about Edward in the short time we had known her. It would be interesting to see her reaction to him.

I walked back downstairs to find Rose helping my mother and Emmett sitting at the table eating breakfast rolls.

I was sure my face betrayed my shock to see them from the way Rose laughed when I walked in.

"When did you two get here?" I asked, taking a seat next to Emmett and grabbing a roll.

"A few minutes ago," Rose answered simply.

"Did you call Bella?" my mother asked.

I nodded. "She'll be here."

"Oh, I was hoping you would invite Bella over," Rose said. "I hate that Alice has to work tonight."

"So do I," I replied. "Maybe we can all do something together after church tomorrow."

"That would be nice," my mother said. "The weather has been so nice lately. You guys should spend some time outside."

"We could show Bella and Alice around the island," Emmett offered. "Both of them have said they haven't had much chance to explore yet."

"Carlisle has mentioned the same thing." They both turned to look at me.

"But he's been here much longer than either of them," Rose said. "He hasn't gotten out at all?"

I shrugged. "I don't know if he hasn't explored at all, but he admitted to wishing he could see more of the island."

"What about the trails that lead into the mountains?" Emmett offered. "Not all of them are occupied by the military. I know of ones we could take them on."

"Emmett, you're a genius!" I was sure I saw him blush under Rose's praise. The ease of their relationship made me smile. I was thrilled Rose had finally found someone who was such a perfect fit for her.

**oOoOoOo**

A short time later Edward returned with Jasper in tow. He looked exactly like I remembered from the airfield, and was a perfect Southern gentleman. The minute he kissed my hand and called me "ma'am" I was instantly reminded of reading _Gone with the Wind _in the middle of the night as a child when my parents thought I was asleep.

Rose was just as enthralled with Jasper's manners and easygoing personality. She grinned at me as we followed the boys into the dining room where Emmett was busy tasting everything that was being cooked.

"Petty Officer Emmett McCarty," he introduced himself, shaking Jasper's hand. We all sat down around the table, chatting and getting to know Jasper.

He told us about growing up in Houston and how he always knew he wanted to be in the Navy. He reminded me so much of my brother it was uncanny. It was easy to see how they had become friends so fast.

Emmett was especially fascinated by their stories. Having been trained entirely on Pearl, he had seen any of the bases on the mainland.

As the afternoon wore on I was becoming anxious for not only Carlisle's arrival but Bella's as well. She was so different from anyone either of us had ever known, I couldn't wait to see what Edward thought of her.

It was only a few minutes later that the doorbell rang, signaling someone's arrival. Everyone decided to make their way to the sitting room so my mother could set the table, and Rose and I made our way to the door.

I was shocked but not entirely displeased to find both Bella and Carlisle on the other side.

"Look who I found wandering around base," Bella said as she hugged me. Carlisle smiled sheepishly behind her. I had given him directions to the house, but his arriving with Bella was a good thing since she had been here before.

"Hello, Esme," he said as he briefly wrapped his arm around my shoulder. It only lasted for a moment but I felt the hug through my whole being.

Rose raised her eyebrows at me as we all walked into the sitting room. I ignored her and instead focused on introducing everyone. Jasper took to Carlisle right away. They ended up huddled in a corner with Emmett, trading stories. I grinned and shook my head. _Men._

I was so enthralled with watching them I hardly noticed Edward had already introduced himself to Bella. I made my over to them in time to hear Edward telling her that he had already heard so much about her.

Bella glared at me with a small smile playing on her lips.

"All wonderful things," I assured her.

"Only the best," Edward agreed.

My father came in to announce dinner was ready and that we would be eating outside instead of at the table. He loved the idea of a relaxed environment for Edward, surrounded by family and friends. I loved his dedication to keeping Edward's morale up, in light of all he was facing when he left here.

Carlisle came up behind me and placed his hand on my back as we all walked onto the patio. "Thank you for inviting me," he said. His mouth was incredibly close to my ear as he spoke, sending a shiver down my spine.

I watched as Edward and Bella continued talking throughout the meal. He seemed to not care that everyone else was there. I smiled as I watched them.

"They seem to be getting along," Carlisle said, sitting down beside me on the porch swing.

I nodded. "I'm glad. Edward has never been close to anyone besides Rose and me, and Charles when he was alive."

He rubbed my shoulder. "I think Bella would be good for him," I continued. "She could never be accused of being boring. She keeps people on their toes."

"I've noticed that," he said, laughing.

"My brother likes you, you know."

He turned to look at me. "Does this mean I'm on the list of people he approves of spending time with his sister?"

"You are." I looked up into his eyes. "His opinion would never stop me, though. I enjoy your company too much."

I didn't know if it was my imagination or if he really had scooted closer to me on the swing, but I was happy to think he did. I toed the porch to push the swing back, the gentle rocking motion combined with Carlisle's close proximity relaxing me.

I smiled as I watched Emmett push Rose on the swing. Jasper was in deep conversation with my father, Edward and Bella both occasionally offering their opinions. My mother bustled in and out of the house, replenishing food when things ran low.

Everyone was obviously enjoying themselves. I was a bit sad that Alice couldn't be here tonight, but I was already looking forward to tomorrow.

"We're going for a hike into the mountains after church tomorrow," I told Carlisle. "Can I count you in?"

He grinned. "If you want me to come there's nowhere else I would rather be tomorrow."

"Good," I replied. "It's about time you got out and saw some of the island."

"True," he agreed. "But I'm happier about seeing you two days in a row."

His words made my pulse race. The fact he enjoyed spending time with me was something I treasured.

"You can see me anytime you like," I said quietly.

He smiled, but fell quiet, making me second guess my words. I meant them but was it too much too soon?

My anxiety was relieved when he ran a finger down my jaw, prompting me to look at him. "Thank you, Esme."

"For what?" I asked.

"Everything. I know we haven't known each other long, but you're important to me."

"Likewise," I told him.

He looked around for a moment. "Do you think anyone would miss us if we went for a short walk?"

I rose from the swing and extended my hand. "I think I don't care."

He took my hand, leading us away from everyone down a small path that led off the property and into the trees.

"It's beautiful out here," he said. I couldn't deny that. When we were younger Rose and I would come here and find trees whose branches were bent over that we could pretend were castles for us to rule from.

"It is," I agreed.

"Not as beautiful as you, though."

My breath caught every time he complimented me, my pulse racing, no matter what he said. It was a feeling I missed, and part of me felt terrible for enjoying it so much, thinking it was a dishonor to Charles' memory. But the rational side of my brain knew that wasn't true.

Every compliment Carlisle gave me came from the heart. I knew they were real, and I knew I was allowed to enjoy them.

"You always say the sweetest things," I told him.

He rubbed his thumb over the back of my hand. "You must know how true they are." I nodded before he continued, "I understand that you aren't ready to move on, but I have to hope I'm still around when you are."

My heart stopped. Was he saying what I thought he was saying?

I stopped walking, shocked that he was being so open and honest with me.

"Carlisle…" His eyes showed his panic and they frantically searched mine. It wasn't my intention to scare him. I just needed to understand.

"I'm sorry, Esme…" he started back-peddling immediately.

I shook my head. "No, Carlisle, it's a good thing. And I am ready to move on in some ways. I have been for some time, I think. I just need it to happen slowly."

He nodded, obviously relieved. "Where do we go now?" he asked.

I smiled, taking his hand again. "I think this is the part where you ask if you may take me on a date."

He returned my smile, the change in mood apparent from my teasing. "May I take you on a date next week?"

I nodded. "You may."

**oOoOoOo**

I stayed awake for hours that night, thinking over every detail of my exchange with Carlisle. I knew we had been moving towards this, and I was relieved to have our attraction to each other out in the open, but the memory of Charles was always present in my mind.

I had finally accepted that he would be proud of me for continuing to live my life, and for moving forward in any way that I could. Many of my first fights with Rose during the beginning of my grief revolved around her trying to convince me of his desire to see me happy, whether that was with him or not.

At the time those words were nothing I could accept. My body physically reacted against them, causing me to become violent with my best friend on more than one occasion.

Looking back I felt nothing but shame for not only my actions, but my refusal to listen. Logically I knew I was in no way capable of understanding what Rose was saying – the intense grief I was feeling drowned me in a sea of black, making me unable to see reason in any way.

A tear slid down my cheek as I rolled onto my side and opened the drawer of my nightstand, pulling out my scrapbook.

"I love you," I said, running my finger down the smiling image of the man I thought I would always be with. "I love you, but I think you would approve of what I'm doing. I hope you would approve. You would really like him."

I knew it was the truth even before the words came to me. Carlisle was exactly the kind of person Charles would want me to spend my time with. I felt fully at peace with myself and my decision. I had finally done something for me that I could be proud of. I had opened myself up and let someone in even when I was still hurting so much.

I trusted Carlisle a great deal, and I knew he deserved that trust. He gave so much of himself to others on a daily basis and never asked anything in return. I was blessed that he wished to spend more time with me.

I was anxious to get to know him more as well. There were details of his life that he often hinted at but never went into much detail. I wanted to spend hours picking his brain and learning everything I could about him.

Even as I was still somewhat conflicted about letting go of my past I had to admit to being excited.

I could never deny how attractive Carlisle was. I wasn't vain enough to be interested in him for his appearance alone, but the thought of his green eyes and his simple touches made my heart race.

It would be interesting to see him interact with my family at church the next day and with our friends in the afternoon.

Even though we weren't going on an official date for another week, our dynamic had already been changed.

I had invited him to church with us the next morning, wanting to spend the entire day with him. If I was being completely honest with myself I knew that part of my reasoning was trying to avoid being sad over Edward's approaching departure, but that wasn't the only reason. It wasn't even the important reason.

I wanted to spend all the time I could with him, but my possible reactions to my brother's leaving scared me.

Things were so different than the last time Edward left. The fact he was only being transferred to the mainland put everyone more at ease. This time the reality of him going off to war was heavy on everyone's mind. As strong as I pretended to be I knew I would not be able to keep up the façade for long.

It wasn't that I was using Carlisle to avoid my own feelings over my brother leaving, but the first time Edward left I had been so consumed by my grief over Charles' death I hadn't allowed myself to fully feel any sadness over Edward being gone.

This time was completely different. I was able to feel the full weight of my fear now. I knew I would need Carlisle close by to keep from reverting into the girl I had been before.

His presence was so gentle and calming. He was everything I hadn't let myself realize I needed. Not only when it came to my brother, but all aspects of my life.

For the first time in a long time I couldn't wait to see how the future was going to unfold.

**oOoOoOo**

Sitting next to Carlisle in church the next morning made me wonder why I hadn't invited him weeks ago. I sat between him and Edward, holding Carlisle's hand. To my surprise he knew every word of every prayer, he knew when to sit, when to stand, when to kneel. He even took communion.

The minute we stepped outside after mass my curiosity got the better of me. "How did you know our liturgy?"

He grinned. "When you invited me you forgot to ask one important question," he teased. "You never asked me what church I belong to."

That was true. It had never even occurred to me. I just wanted him sitting next me during mass.

I nodded my head, prompting him to continue.

"My father is an ordained Episcopal priest, Esme."

My mouth fell open. "I never even thought to ask," I said.

"And I never thought to volunteer the information."

"No wonder you seemed so comfortable," I observed.

He leaned closer. "Are you sure that wasn't a result of being with you?"

I couldn't help but smile. "As sweet as that is, I think it has more to do with mass being like a home to you."

He nodded. "It is.

I saw Rose and Emmett come out of the church and wave at us. "You guys ready to go pick everyone up and explore the island?"

"Provided you explain how we will all fit in your car," I joked.

"Why don't we ride back to the house with your parents and the boys can pick up Alice, Bella, and Jasper," Rose offered.

I nodded, knowing Rose probably wanted to talk about Carlisle on the way back to the house. I had avoided her questions so far, but I knew I would have to open up at some point.

Fifteen minutes later found us on the front porch of the house waiting for everyone else.

"So," Rose began, "you two went for a little walk yesterday."

"He asked me on a date," I said, not wanting to postpone the inevitable.

She nodded but was silent for a moment. "Are you ready for that?" she finally asked.

"I thought for sure you would be pushing the issue," I replied. "You're the one who keeps telling me to live my life."

"That's true, Esme, but all I need to know is that you feel that you are truly ready for this."

"I wouldn't have told him yes if I didn't mean it."

She wrapped her arm around me as we watched Emmett pull up in one car and Edward in the other. Rose leaned over and whispered in my ear. "I'm proud of you."

I turned and kissed her cheek. "Thank you, Rose."

Just then Alice came running up the stairs and into my arms. "Hi, Esme!" I could do nothing more than laugh. She was always so full of energy, even in the morning. She greeted Rose in the same way, and then walked into the house with us while everyone else exited the cars.

I couldn't help but notice that Bella and Edward were wrapped up in conversation again. They hadn't even noticed us.

I smiled at Carlisle when he came straight over to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. He nodded in Alice's direction. I looked up see her talking to Rose but watching Jasper, who was looking at the pictures on the mantle in the sitting room.

"She was like that in the car too," Carlisle whispered in my ear.

"Has she talked to him?" I asked.

He shook his head. "I figured she would, being Alice, but she clammed up."

"She will," I told him confidently. "I know Alice."

He laughed. "I'm sure you're right."

Just then Emmett came out of the kitchen, carrying a massive bag that I was sure contained more food than we would need for a single afternoon.

"Are we ready?" he asked. I nodded. "Okay, let's go."

I smiled as I took Carlisle's hand and followed him out the back door. This afternoon was shaping up to be an interesting one.

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**I have a personal word limit for my chapters so I had to split this one. You guys know me by now. I like concise chapters. Hiking fun to come next time!**

**Holoholo means to go for a walk.**

**Thank you to Mackenzie L. and texasunshine for their work on this chapter.**

**I am so excited that AtR has been nominated for a Sunflower Award for Best Esme. Nominations are open through the month of April. You can see them all here. thesunflowerawards(dot)blogspot(dot)com/p/nominations_21(dot)html**

**Thank you so much for reading! I would love to hear some thoughts on everything we have going on in this chapter!**


	10. Ua

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to their respective owners. The author of this story in no way profits from its use or distribution.**

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_All changes are more or less tinged with melancholy, for what we are leaving behind is part of ourselves.__  
_

_~Amelia Barr_

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"Let's play a game."

"A game?"

"Yes. A game."

"What kind of a game?"

"Twenty questions."

I laughed at the excited look in Carlisle's eyes. We had only ventured a short way from the house and already everyone was enjoying themselves.

Carlisle and I were a little ways behind the rest of the group, with Emmett and Rosalie at the front. Emmett knew the area well and had all the necessary information about where we could go and where we should avoid if we didn't want to get into trouble with the military police. He was the perfect person to lead our expedition.

There were clouds rolling in from the coast, bringing a light breeze and threatening rain, but they were still too far away to cause any concern. Everyone was feeling more carefree than normal today. If it rained, it rained.

Carlisle squeezed my hand, bringing my attention back to his request.

"Twenty questions," I mused. "Who starts?"

"You start," he replied.

There were so many questions I had for him; I didn't know where to start. He was almost painfully shy most of the time, and rarely ever spoke of his childhood or even his life now. I decided to start with the basics.

"Where are you from?"

"Lancaster, Pennsylvania."

"Really?" I didn't know where I had expected him to be from but that was much further north than I had anticipated.

"You already had your question, Esme. Now it's my turn." He looked around for a moment. "Do you think Rose realizes how low Emmett's hand is on her waist?"

My eyebrows knit together. "Of all the things you could ask me, you ask me about them?"

"Answer it," he said, giving me a gentle nudge.

"If she's noticed yet I very much doubt that she cares."

I smiled as I watched Rose and Emmett. The way Rose's brown and white skirt bounced as she walked reminded me of a small puppy, bounding down the path to explore. She and Emmett exchanged clandestine looks as we walked at a leisurely pace. She was so oblivious to the world around her that she hardly seemed to notice when several leaves gave way to the mercy of the breeze and floated down into her hair.

I was sometimes envious of their easy relationship, but when those feelings crept up I had to remind myself that Rose and I were in two different places in our lives, and she hadn't directly lived the horror I had.

My smile widened as my gaze shifted to where Carlisle walked beside me. We were in the perfect place for us, and I didn't wish to rush anything.

"Do you have a question for me?" he asked.

"Yes I do. What is your father like?"

He hesitated a moment before replying. "My father is a very focused man," he said slowly. I nodded, urging him to continue. "If it doesn't concern the church, it doesn't concern him," he added. I could tell the topic of his father was a bit of a sore subject for him so I decided to let the matter drop for now.

"Your turn," I told him.

He let go of my hand and draped his arm over my shoulder as we turned onto a wider path that led into the hills.

"How great is your fear over Edward leaving in a few days?"

I abruptly stopped walking causing Carlisle to stumble slightly. I could tell he feared his question was too brash, but I was more shocked than anything.

"Was the question about Rose and Emmett meant to make me feel safe so you could then ask a heavier question?"

"Yes," he admitted. "You don't have to answer it. I wouldn't blame you if you didn't."

"Carlisle, you should never be afraid to ask me anything. I'll tell you anything you want to know. And yes, I am afraid. I don't want him to be in harm's way, but I know there's nothing anyone can do to prevent it, and even if I could, Edward is a grown man and makes his own choices. He made an informed decision to enlist in the navy, and it's made an obvious change in him. So, despite the bad, I'm glad for him and what he's doing."

Carlisle nodded. "That's a very smart way to look at it."

"There's nothing else I can do," I replied with a shrug. "He's seen things that I wish he hadn't, but after everything we've all been through no one has come out completely unscathed."

My voice sounded confident, but truthfully Edward's impending departure loomed over me like a black cloud, threatening to drench me in sadness and fear. I tried not to think about it, but every time I looked up as we made our way further into the forest I couldn't help but worry about what might happen to him.

I didn't like to think that I had been somewhat avoiding my brother since his return, but I knew it was true. I had thought that if I ignored the whole situation I wouldn't have to deal with my own feelings and fears over his future.

"You're very brave, Esme."

"I'm not. I was just introduced to the harsh side of life earlier than I would have liked."

"That's what makes you brave."

I smiled, encouraged by his faith in me. "I think it's my turn to ask a question."

"Yes it is," he agreed. "I'm sorry that I sidetracked you with the last one."

"That's quite all right, but next time I extend a question you can't claim that I already asked mine."

He grinned and squeezed my shoulder. "I think I can handle that."

I thought for a moment. "You told me at the war rally that you always wanted to be a doctor, but didn't consider enlisting till you were older. What brought about that decision?"

"Military is a tradition in my family that my father broke to join the church. I always knew he wanted me to follow in his footsteps, but it didn't take me long to figure out that I wanted to help people in a different way, or that I wanted to pick up the tradition again."

I smiled as he rubbed my arm, relaxing further under his touch. It had been a long time since I had felt so at ease as I had in the last few weeks, and I had knew I had Carlisle to thank for it.

We came upon an open meadow with several boulders by a small stream before he could ask me a question.

"This is a good spot for lunch, don't you think?" Edward asked, looking around at everyone in our group.

I nodded my agreement, as did Carlisle.

"This is a nice spot," Bella said as she took a seat beside Rose in the grass and began helping her pull sandwiches out of the bag Emmett had brought.

"Are you having fun, Bella?" I asked as I joined them.

She gave me an enthusiastic nod. "I never really thought about just how beautiful and different the islands were. Where I'm from everything is green and the forests go on for miles, but they're so much more inviting here. And your brother knows so much about all the plants and everything. It's been fascinating."

"We used to come out this way nearly every day," Rose told her. "I would hope Edward picked up some things along the way."

"Well I love you ladies for showing us this. I don't think Alice and I would have been brave enough to attempt such an exploration on our own."

"Neither would we anymore without having Emmett along to show where we can go," I said. "So much has changed since we were children. There are many places I wish we could take you that I know we can't."

"Alice is having a good time," Rose said. "She's hung on Jasper's every word since we left the house."

"Really? I hadn't noticed."

Rose smiled. "That's because you haven't paid any attention to anything but Carlisle all day."

"Fair enough," I replied. "What have they talked about?"

"They have a lot in common," Bella said. "They're both from the South so they're used to the same landscape. This is quite the adventure for both of them."

I smiled. I loved that everyone was enjoying themselves so much and that we had all fallen into an easy friendship in such a short amount of time. I had a feeling not even the stress of war would split our group.

I didn't dare assume we would all come out unscathed. I was already living proof that war did not discriminate.

The boys came up and sat down around us, all obviously eager for a rest and some food.

I felt Carlisle's hand slide down my arm as he took a seat beside me. His hand clasped mine, causing my heart to race. I knew I would never tire of the feelings he inspired in me.

"Your mother won't be angry about all the food that we used?" he asked quietly.

I shook my head. "She has enough coupons to replenish what we took, and she told me last night we had better take a lunch with us. She likes the fact we're taking an afternoon to enjoy ourselves. That's what she wanted for Edward while he still has the chance."

"Do you know where Emmett is taking us next?"

"No," I replied. "I have my suspicions, but I can't promise they're not areas that are now off limits."

"Wherever we end up will likely be just as beautiful as what I've seen so far, if not more so."

The reverence in his voice whenever he spoke of the island I grew up on always filled me with pride. I beamed at him as he watched Edward pick something up off the ground.

"What is that?" Jasper asked.

"A snake," he answered simply.

It was Alice who asked the question I was sure they were all thinking. "Are you sure it's not a worm?"

He laughed. "It's not a worm. These are the only snakes we have on the islands. I'm not ashamed to admit the first time I saw one on the mainland I screamed and ran away."

Jasper nodded enthusiastically. "It's true. It wasn't even a poisonous one, but you couldn't tell Edward that. He was sure the thing was going to kill him."

Bella laughed. "You were afraid of something that couldn't even hurt you?"

"Well, as this little guy demonstrates I couldn't have known that at the time," he replied, holding up the tiny snake.

"I want to hold it," Bella said. She held it for several minutes while Alice slowly scooted closer to Jasper, her eyes wide.

"Have you ever held one?" Carlisle asked, leaning toward me.

"All the time as a child," I replied. "Edward and I used to bring them into the house thinking we could hide them from our parents and keep them as pets. We always lost them, and then they would turn up the next day when Mother was cleaning."

He laughed. "I'm sure she appreciated that."

"We gave her so much grief growing up," I said. "It's a wonder we both weren't sent to boarding school on the mainland."

He shuddered slightly but didn't reply. Instead he stroked the back of my hand with the pad of his thumb, causing a chill to run down my spine and filling me with warmth. I loved the way he touched me so reassuringly. It never felt like I was being pressured to return any of the affection he gave me. He knew I still needed to figure out what I now wanted from my life and if that included any romantic pursuits at this point or not. Whatever I wanted for me was what Carlisle wanted for me, and I was incredibly grateful for that.

I couldn't have asked for such an amazing man to enter my life at such an opportune time.

We finished up our lunch quietly, and Rose and Bella packed everything away while Emmett went a little way down a path that led east to make sure we could use it.

"We can go this way," Emmett informed us when he came back. He pointed down the path he had just gone down. I knew that the path led into the foothills surrounding the steeper mountains.

I had never come this way before and was excited to see where Emmett was taking us. We walked for several minutes in silence, before Bella broke the calm.

"Is it going to rain?"

I glanced to the southeast where she was watching the clouds slowly build along the ridge of the mountains. They were steadily growing darker and threatened to open up on us at any moment.

"More than likely," Emmett said. "We'll be fine, though. There's forest thick enough to protect us along this path."

Bella didn't look very reassured.

"It'll be fine," I told her as Rose came up beside us. "So we might get a little wet. It happens."

She nodded, but still looked worried.

"So Bella, you and Edward seem to be getting along well," Rose said, changing the subject.

Bella's entire disposition changed at the mention of my brother. A large smile spread across her face and her eyes no longer watched the sky for signs of rain. They instead sought out Edward where he walked alongside the boys, a short ways ahead of us.

"Your brother is incredible, Esme. He's a lot like you, actually. At least from what I've seen so far."

I smiled. "We are very similar."

"That's an understatement," Rose said, linking an arm through Bella's. "You fascinate him, you know."

Bella's eyes widened. "Me?"

"He's never met anyone like you, Bella," I told her. "You're so different from all the people either of us has ever known. Yesterday, when the two of you met his expression looked much like mine probably did that morning on base."

She shrugged. "I guess I do stand out here. I'm still not used to the easygoing pace. My life has never been like that."

"And that's exactly why he's so interested in you," Rose assured her.

"He told me he wants to stay in touch when he leaves," Bella mentioned.

My head snapped up. That was exactly what I had been hoping to hear at some point during Edward's stay. I had known from the moment I met Bella that my brother would like her. It appeared to me now that my hope was well founded.

Bella was exactly what he would need while he was away – someone to communicate with outside of the family. She was someone who would worry over him in a different way.

Her letters would be a bright spot in days I knew would be filled with darkness, and fear, and death. She would tell him all the gossip around base. No doubt she would keep him fully informed on my fledgling relationship with Carlisle. She would write him exactly the kinds of things soldiers need to hear when they're far from home.

I was _thrilled_ that Edward wanted to write her.

I linked my arm through hers on the opposite side from Rose and patted her hand. "That's so wonderful, Bella. I'm glad my brother enjoys your company enough to want to continue your correspondence."

"Really?"

Rose laughed. "Don't tell me you thought you would have to seek Esme's approval to be close to Edward."

Bella smiled sheepishly. "A little bit," she admitted. "You two are very close. I didn't want to assume you would be happy."

I shook my head. "Nothing makes me happier than my brother's happiness. _You_ make him happy, Bella. I can't ask for more than that."

We walked silently for several moments, watching the scenery. I tracked a hawk through the sky, headed for the north side of the island, away from the storm clouds.

When my eyes landed back on Rose she was watching Alice and Jasper. They were walking with Emmett, Edward, and Carlisle, but weren't part of their conversation. They almost seemed to be in another world altogether.

"I love that," Rose said, nodding her head towards them. "They can't seem to pay attention to anything but each other."

"Remind you of anyone else we know?" I teased, remembering the way Rose and Emmett acted the day of the war bond rally.

"Yes," she shot back. "They remind me of two young teenagers who realized in the space of a minute they could be more than friends, abruptly leaving me and Edward behind."

Bella burst into laughter. "An epiphany?" she asked, turning towards me.

I shrugged. "Something like that."

"It's good, though," Rose continued. "Alice has been incredibly lonely since being stationed on Pearl. She once told me she's from an area where everyone knows everyone and it's hard to walk into a store without finding several people you grew up with. She doesn't have that here."

"They're leaving, though," Bella said. 'She'll just be lonely again."

"Maybe not," Rose replied. "You and Edward intend to stay in touch. Who's to say they won't? Esme can tell you that long distance communication in a letter can sometimes be just as comforting as having the person nearby."

I nodded. "That's true. Besides, Alice is opening up to us more every day. She'll be fine."

A loud clap of thunder punctuated my statement. Emmett spun around, immediately morphing into a soldier as his eyes searched for a potential place to wait out the rain we all knew was now inevitable.

"The trees are thickest over there," he said, pointing to a spot just a short ways down the path.

We all started walking faster as tiny droplets began to fall.

"Why is the water so warm?" Bella asked.

Summer storms are almost always like that," Rose replied. "Don't worry, Bella. None of us will come down sick. Esme and I used to play in these storms for hours as children."

I nodded. "Every summer."

"I guess I haven't adapted to the different climate yet," Bella said with a laugh as we came to the small area Emmett had pointed out."

I smiled, watching Carlisle as the rain began to fall harder. His hair was disheveled and curling slightly as tiny droplets of water rolled off the ends. His appearance was always so perfect – not a hair out of place, but he didn't appear uncomfortable at all. In fact, his face was bright with excitement at the sudden change in our adventure.

He moved toward me and extended his hand, bowing low.

I laughed as I took it and he placed a kiss on the back of my hand. "Why, Miss Esme, you'll be soaked any moment now if we don't get you out of the rain." His voice was gently teasing and I laughed at his display.

He led me to a small boulder under an overgrowth of trees. It wasn't completely protected, but we would stay somewhat dry.

"Has anyone else ever noticed that rain makes everything more beautiful?" Alice asked.

Rose grinned. "That's true, especially here on the islands. All the trees and flowers become more vibrant during a storm. They love the rain."

"How will we get back?" Bella asked. "The path is covered in mud."

"The grass is thick enough to walk on with slipping," Emmett assured her. "We'll be fine."

I smiled as I looked at Carlisle where he sat beside me. "Are you still enjoying yourself now that it's raining?" he asked.

"Even more."

"Your makeup smudged," he said, rubbing his thumb across the top of my cheek.

"Your hair is out of place," I retorted playfully.

"Shall we call it even?"

I nodded. "We shall."

He laughed as his thumb traced light circles over the back of my hand. We were all silent as we listened to the rain fall.

"Today has certainly been interesting," Jasper said after several moments.

I smiled. "It's always an adventure with us."

"I'm just glad we have Emmett," Bella added.

Emmett's cheeks turned slightly pink at Bella's compliment. "It's nothing," he said.

Carlisle leaned toward me. "Thank you for this, Esme. Today has been one of the best I've had in a while."

I grinned, feeling the blush rise in my cheeks as my heart began to race. "I would say the same about every day I spend with you."

**oOoOoOo**

The Saturday morning sun was unusually bright as I stood on the familiar tarmac at Hickam Air Force Base. The heat was oppressive as I recalled the last time I had been in that very same spot, on a much happier occasion.

I couldn't even bring myself to cry, fearing the heat would cause me to faint if I allowed myself to become stressed.

The two days that had passed since our eventful trip through the Oahu wilderness had been heavy with fear and sadness.

My mother had been happier than I had seen her at any time in recent months, but as the date of Edward's departure neared, her once joyful demeanor had given way to the grief I knew would plague her until Edward was home for good.

I held Bella's hand as we watched Edward lift Bree into the air like an airplane, trying any tactic he knew to stop the steady stream of tears that flowed freely down our cousin's face.

"He's so wonderful with her," Bella whispered.

I smiled. "He adores her. He misses her just as much, if not more, than anyone else when he's gone."

"I'll never forget the apologetic look on his face when we made it back the house the other day," she said, laughing.

I grinned. Bree had been beside herself when we arrived on the deck behind the house after the rain let up. Edward had apparently promised Bree he would pick her a bouquet filled with a brilliant array of her favorite flowers.

In the chaos of the sudden rainstorm we found ourselves in, Edward forgot to bring the flowers.

Bree had been furious. She hardly even cared that he was soaking wet as he bent onto one knee and apologized profusely, his face devastated at the thought that he had forgotten his promise.

She had reluctantly forgiven him before running inside to fetch towels for all of us. She sat out of the porch with us as we dried off, and she even managed a smile when Edward pointed out a rainbow in the distance.

"Look at Alice." Bella's voice brought me out of my thoughts. I glanced to the left and found a look of absolute sadness covering Alice's angelic face.

It wasn't an uncommon look throughout the crowd, but it was not a look that suited energetic, full-of-life Alice, and I hoped to never see it again.

"They're going to write," I told Bella. "Edward told me last night."

She nodded. "I'm glad." She laughed lightly. "Isn't it funny the way Alice and I moved in to the friendship you and Rose have had for years, and then we just pulled Jasper and Carlisle in too? And we all fit so well."

I shook my head. "It didn't surprise me at all, but I'm glad it happened."

I felt a hand on move across my upper back and turned in time to see Carlisle come up beside me. I clasped my hand over his where it rested on my shoulder. "Thanks for coming."

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else, Esme."

Edward passed Bree to her mother, causing her to begin crying harder. My heart broke watching her, but it hurt even more to watch the sadness pass over Edward's face as he made his way towards us.

He was completely resigned to whatever would come. That much was clear.

He shook Carlisle's hand in greeting before hugging Bella tightly.

"Is it wrong that I don't want you to leave even though I just met you?" she whispered.

My eyes filled with tears at the heartbreak in her voice. Bella acted tough and resilient, but she was a gentle soul underneath the façade life had forced her to create.

Carlisle rubbed my shoulder as we watched them. I turned to face him and he gently wiped a tear that had slipped down my cheek.

"She'll be okay," he mouthed.

I nodded. "I know. They both will."

"We _all_ will."

Bella finally released my brother after what seemed like a lifetime – and to her it probably was.

Edward's eyes rose to mine. "Do you mind if I borrow Carlisle for a moment?"

I shook my head as Bella grasped my hand again. The loss of Carlisle's hand on my shoulder was more prominent than I liked. I felt as if I might float into an unending ocean of sadness without his presence there to anchor me.

Bella and I stood silently, watching them talk quietly a few yards away. Neither looked uncomfortable. In fact, they interacted as though they had been friends their entire lives.

When they returned Edward didn't say a word as he grabbed my hand and lifted me into the air in the tightest and most emotional embrace I had ever received.

"I'm going to miss you," I whispered into his shoulder.

"I know. I'm going to miss you, too. You know that."

I nodded, unwilling to lift my head from its place against his chest. I felt safe and warm in his arms – a kind of peace that only came from being so deeply connected to each other.

Edward was part of my soul, and letting him go hurt more than I could express. I would never let go of my firm belief that he _would_ be back, but that determination did nothing to lessen the pain of separation.

"I need to go, Esme. I have to get on the plane now."

I shook my head and gripped him tighter. It was when I felt Bella's small hand on my back that I released my grip.

He hugged Bella one last time and shook Carlisle's hand, sharing a look with him that I couldn't quite classify, but would ask about later.

Watching my brother step onto naval plane for the second time I knew my heart was being shattered. The strength of Carlisle's hand holding mine as Edward turned at the top of the steps to give us one last wave was the only thing that kept me from collapsing.

Carlisle pushed my hair off my shoulder and placed a kiss to my temple as I heard Bella begin to sob beside me.

"He'll be alright," I whispered. "He _has_ to be."

* * *

'**Ua' means rain.**

**I apologize for the month long delay. I have no excuse. Actually I have tons, but I won't bore you.**

**Thank you, Mackenzie and Lauren. And thank you, Kelley, for writing with me half the day yesterday so I could finish this.**

**This story is up for several Avant Garde Awards. The full list along with the link to the other nominees is on my profile.**

**I feel the need to reassure everyone that there will be NO character death in this story.**

**As always, thank you so much for reading! I would love to hear your thoughts on everything we have going on in this chapter.**


	11. Kaukau

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to their respective owners. The author of this story in no way profits from its use or distribution.**

* * *

_"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same."_

_~Unknown_

* * *

The beginning of the work week was surprisingly normal, even though every moment of the day was still shadowed by sadness over Edward's departure.

The day after Edward went away, Victoria and Bree left to return to their home on the big island, and so our house was once again quiet. It unsettled me being there with it so calm - no sounds of Bree playing, or my aunt and mother talking, or Edward there to keep me company.

It had felt amazing to have so much activity around the house during the early summer when the island was usually at its laziest. However, I was glad to be back at my familiar desk in the communications building.

A consistent routine was exactly what I knew I needed to pull me out of my despair at the possibilities of what could potentially happen with Edward being so far away.

The familiar scent of Bella's perfume hit me just before she leaned against the edge of my desk and pulled on my sleeve, motioning me to follow her.

"Smoke break," she said simply.

"Oh, I don't think I can leave right now-"

"I already cleared it. You're fine."

I smiled as I followed her outside. Sometimes Bella's forceful personality served us well. It felt good to be out in the sunshine after being inside all morning. It was one of the things I missed most from my long weekend with my family and friends.

Bella said nothing as she lit her cigarette and took a puff, but the agitated way she bounced her foot let me know that something was bothering her.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

She smiled sadly. "How did you guess?"

"You're always calm, Bella. I've never seen you on edge before."

She blew out a breath of smoke as her eyes fell to her lap. "It's ridiculous," she said.

"I'm sure it's not."

"It is, but I'll tell you anyway. I almost wrote to your brother last night. I had my pen and paper ready and even knew what I wanted to say. I was so excited until I realized he's only been gone two days and I don't have an address for him yet because it hasn't been long enough for him to write to me."

"Oh, Bella…" I trailed off, not knowing what to say. I was thrilled that Edward and Bella had found each other, but it was clear the harsh reality of the short time they had had to get to know each other weighed heavily on Bella's mind.

I had no doubt they were perfect for each other. I had thought they were from the moment I met Bella, but I could certainly understand her anticipation to hear from him. I knew firsthand how difficult it was to be separated from someone for long periods of time.

I had been seeing Charles for two years before he was sent to the mainland for basic training, and even that separation was more than I could bear. I remembered endless nights of lying in bed wondering what he had done that day, how often he thought of me, how he was getting along with his fellow trainees. Every day was filled with thoughts of him.

I couldn't imagine having to endure that separation in the beginning stages of a relationship.

"I shouldn't be this anxious," Bella said. "Edward promised he would write. He told me he couldn't wait to receive letters from me and that it was the best way we had to really get to know each other."

"He will," I assured her. "My brother doesn't make promises lightly. And he's fascinated by you, Bella. He'll write whenever he gets where he's going."

"I know. I guess I just needed someone to remind me."

"You really have nothing to worry about, you know. I knew right away Edward would be taken with you, and it was written plain as day across his face they first time he saw you."

She grinned. "No one's ever looked at me like that before. I have to admit I was jealous of you before that night, Esme."

My eyebrows knit together. "Why?"

"I saw Edward looking at me the way Carlisle looks at you."

_The way Carlisle looked at me?_

I hadn't been aware that our attraction to each other was so obvious, but during the week of Edward's visit I had heard more about my potential relationship with Carlisle than ever before. It felt good to know my friends were all so supportive, even if that support sometimes bordered on them meddling in my affairs.

"Speaking of Carlisle," she continued, a wide smile curving her lips. "First date tomorrow."

I couldn't help but return her smile. "It's not like it'll be the first time we've been out together."

"True," she agreed. "But this is on a different level. It's exciting."

I had to agree with her. Despite my insistence that it was nothing to make a big show out of, I was quite excited for what the next day would bring.

"Just promise me you'll tell me all about it," she continued with a laugh.

"I'm sure you'll hear all about it before I even see you next."

She laughed lightly. "I'm sure you're right," she said, before becoming serious once again. "Thank you, Esme. For what you said. It helps to know there's someone who's been through it before."

I took her hand. "I do, Bella. I know exactly where you're coming from. Now come on, you've had your smoke break. Time to get back to work. We both had enough time off last week."

She rolled her eyes as she stood and put her cigarette out. "Yes, ma'am. I hope Carlisle appreciates how bossy you are," she teased.

I laughed. "I hope he does too. I guess we'll find out won't we?"

"That's the best part, Esme. All those little things you learn about each other."

"And you'll have that with my brother too," I assured her. "I promise."

**oOoOoOo**

Late the next morning Rose came to the house to help me get ready for my date with Carlisle. I had assured her I was perfectly capable of getting dressed on my own, and that it was nothing to make a production out of, but she wouldn't hear of it.

She insisted that although Carlisle and I had spent a great deal of time together already, there was no harm in looking a little special for our first official date.

I now sat, with my hair in curlers, tapping my fingers anxiously on the surface of my vanity as she sifted through the contents of my closet.

"What about this one?"

She walked out of the closet holding a white lace dress with a cinched black belt.

"Rose, that's one of my church dresses."

"Exactly," she replied. "Meaning it's one of your most beautiful dresses."

"I'm not sure I'm comfortable wearing white."

"Well I'm not letting you wear black. You're going on a date, not to a funeral."

I didn't intend it, but I knew my face fell slightly.

"I didn't mean that, Esme. I'm sorry."

"No," I told her. "It's me. I need to stop being so sensitive. Today is about beginning the rest of my life. I need to be positive."

"That's the spirit," she said, smiling. "Now, I have a solution. You're wearing your pretty new navy blue dress, and that's final. It looks perfect on you. He'll love it."

She was right of course. The dress was stunning, and as I twirled in the mirror, watching it sway around me, I found myself almost giddy with excitement.

Even though it didn't feel like a first date to me, it would be our first trip out alone together, and I knew it would feel different, more intimate, once he arrived to pick me up.

Rose found it highly amusing that Carlisle was borrowing Emmett's car for the afternoon, but I found it sweet that he wanted to do everything properly, including picking me up from my home and asking my father's permission to take me on a date.

"Where is he taking you?" Rose asked as I removed the curlers and adjusted the pins in my hair, creating a swept back look that perfectly complimented my dress.

"We're going to eat at a diner and catch a film."

Rose nodded. "Sounds like him."

"Yes, it does," I replied, laughing.

"Here," Rose said, coming up behind me and handing me a white sweater to put over my dress. "You'll probably get cold."

"Thank you, Rose."

She sat back down on the bed, and watched me for several minutes before speaking.

"He makes you happy." Her voice was quiet, but her words were powerful.

My hand stilled as I processed her words and the meaning behind them. Sometimes it was easy to get caught up in the fun and wonder of a new relationship, and I had to admit I had let it happen to me. And all the while Rose had been in the hovering in background, observing our interactions.

I turned around to look her in the eye. "Yes, Rose, he does."

She leaned forward and rested her arms on the front of her dress. "You remember the afternoon your mother had to call me because you had locked the door and were refusing to come out of your room? You had yelled at her – even cursed at her. She heard you throwing things. She was… She was terrified, Esme. She thought you were going to hurt yourself. Her face when she let me in…" Rose shuddered at the memory. "I don't ever want to see your mother look like that again. When you finally let me in you were curled up on the floor, too tired to yell at me. But your eyes said it, Esme. They were dead. You were breathing, but it was like the life had been pulled out of you."

She took a deep breath as I tried not to cry.

"I knew it wasn't rational but in that moment I never thought I would see you smile again," she continued. "I nearly gave up on you that day."

"I'm glad you didn't," I whispered.

"I'm glad I didn't either."

"I owe you for this, Rose; all of it. I would never have met Carlisle if it hadn't been for you."

She waved her right hand. "Nonsense, Esme. Technically you can thank the retaining wall at the park."

We both laughed, lightening the mood in the room instantly.

We quieted at the sound of a knock on the door downstairs. I quickly applied a fresh coat of lipstick and grabbed my small purse before we snuck onto the landing at the top of the stairs. I knew Carlisle wanted to do everything properly, which included asking my father's permission. My mother would fetch me when they were finished talking.

That didn't mean I didn't want to eavesdrop, though.

Rose and I silently slipped down the stairs till we were halfway to the foyer. I could hear muffled voices coming from the sitting room.

My mother passed by, smirking as she made her way down the hall. She shook her head and laughed lightly as she walked into the kitchen.

I turned to see Rose stretching her neck to better hear the conversation taking place. She pointed down the stairs, and I got the message. She wanted to move closer.

We made our way quietly down to stand on the third and forth steps and pressed our ears to the wall. The muffled voices came in more clearly than I had assumed they would.

"It sounds like the base is lucky to have such a capable physician on staff. I have to say, the stitches you gave Esme healed that cut in no time."

My father's voice was full of pride, making me smile as I imagined how nervous Carlisle probably was.

"Thank you, sir. It's an incredible honor to serve on Pearl. I would never take the opportunity I've been given lightly."

Carlisle sounded so sure of himself as he spoke. I knew my father would more than approve of our dating. Anyone who could speak to him without wavering had his seal of approval.

"I hope you also realize what an honor it is to date my daughter," my father teased, laughing lightly.

Rose started to laugh and quickly clapped a hand over her mouth, looking up at me. I rolled my eyes at her and listened more closely.

"I do, sir. Esme is an amazing woman. I'm lucky to have met her."

I smiled as the familiar rush of warmth flooded my body.

"Well, I have to say I'm damn proud to let you take my girl out. I have only one requirement."

My eyebrows shot up. What was my father doing?

Carlisle's voice was full of well hidden trepidation when he responded. "What's that, sir?"

"Make my princess smile, Cullen."

_No need to worry,__Father.__ He already has that covered._

Rose turned and pushed me up the stairs when we heard the scrape of chairs against the floor. Barely a minute later, my mother came up to play her part and tell me Carlisle was waiting for me.

I had no idea what Rose was still doing there at that point, and honestly I didn't care. I walked down the stairs faster than I probably should have, and was met with the most incredible sight when I entered the foyer.

Some irrational side of me was acting like I had never even _seen_Carlisle before. He was leaning against the wall beside the door, holding a bouquet of pink roses. His khaki trousers and white shirt were nothing I hadn't seen on him before, but something about them made him more stunning than usual.

Maybe it was the fact that this was our actual first date. I may not have wanted to make a big deal out of it, but seeing him standing there, holding a bouquet of flowers and wearing that shy smile that was reserved only for me, made me realize it was in fact special.

My father came out of the sitting room before I had a chance to move. He gave me a small smirk and patted my arm as he passed.

"You two kids ought to get going. Don't want to miss your film."

I hugged my father before he disappeared down the hall. I slowly made my way to Carlisle as he stretched out his hand, offering me the flowers.

"They're beautiful," I told him. "But you didn't need to bring me anything."

"I wanted too. I wanted to see your eyes light up when you saw them."

I was about to excuse myself to the kitchen for a vase when my mother appeared from the dining room carrying one that was already filled with water. I knew my father must have told her about the flowers.

"They'll look wonderful here on the table," she said as I handed her the bouquet. She put them in the vase and placed it on the thin table that stood against the wall.

"There," she said. "Just beautiful." She turned to Carlisle. "You know how to choose flowers, young man. I'll give you that."

Carlisle gave her a sheepish grin. "Thank you, ma'am."

"Well, don't let me keep you. You kids go have fun."

She gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before ushering us out the door.

Carlisle lifted my hand and placed a kiss on the back of it as he led me down the steps to where Emmett's car was waiting in the driveway. He opened the passenger door and helped me in, before settling in for the drive across town.

We had both agreed that a quiet afternoon in Pearl City would be more enjoyable than the hustle and bustle of Honolulu. It was more heavily protected by the military police due to its close proximity to both Pearl Harbor and Hickham, but neither of us cared.

"I hope you don't mind if we take the scenic route," Carlisle said as he started the car.

I shook my head. "Of course not."

He started down the road that led away from the highway and looped around the city, against the base of the foothills.

As I looked out the driver's side window I could see all of Honolulu and the bay. It was an incredible view.

He grinned. "I knew you would like coming this way."

"It's beautiful," I replied.

"Have you spent time in Pearl City before?" he asked.

"No. I've been through it, and stopped to eat once, but I've never explored it."

"I think you'll like it. It's very relaxing. I figured it would be the perfect place to spend an afternoon with a beautiful woman."

I couldn't help but blush.

"So where is it that you're taking me to eat?"

"Just a little diner the locals all recommend."

"And Emmett didn't mind letting you steal his car for the day?"

Carlisle smiled as we turned toward the bay on the west side of the city and headed toward the highway that would take us past the base.

"He was thrilled to offer it to me. Said something about it being about time I took you on a proper date."

I laughed. "Well, I think you had perfect timing. How did you get off work anyway?

He shrugged. "It wasn't really that hard. One of the other doctors was glad to cover for me. He said I don't get out much and deserved a day off."

We lapsed into comfortable silence as the scenery changed from lush tropical forest, to busy city, to quaint village. I watched out the window as we passed small shops and eateries. Many families were out, mingling seamlessly with sailors, flyboys, and military police. It was the perfect little military town.

Carlisle pulled up in front of an out of the way little diner about halfway down the main street running through town. It was the kind of place I would never have thought to stop at on my own, but the more I thought about it, the more I already loved the place.

He came around the front of the car and opened the door, offering a hand to help me out. It was an incredibly sweet gesture.

I slipped my arm through his as we entered the diner. It was virtually empty being a Tuesday afternoon, and we were able to find a corner booth by the windows overlooking the water. It was the perfect setting for a first date.

After handing us each a menu and ordering a glass of water for Carlisle and a milkshake for me, the waitress disappeared into the kitchen, leaving us with only one other couple in the diner.

I sipped my milkshake and watched the cars go by outside.

"I like it here," I finally said. "It's peaceful."

Carlisle nodded. "That's why I brought you out here today. You've had a busy couple of weeks. You needed a break."

"Well, thank you for bringing me here. I really do love it."

Before he had a chance to respond, the waitress returned to take our orders. We both ordered simple sandwiches and another milkshake for me.

Carlisle looked amused once we were alone again.

"You seem to love milkshakes today," he observed.

I smiled. "I always do. I just rarely get to indulge anymore. My mother is strict about rationing."

"There's nothing wrong with that. She's very patriotic. That much I've noticed in the two times I've now met her."

I nodded. "Yes, everyone in my family is. No one should have been surprised when Edward enlisted."

"Were they?" Carlisle seemed surprised by this possibility.

"My grandfather was. Edward was always very academic. Our grandfather expected him to immediately follow our father's footsteps into law. Of course, when the attack on Pearl happened Edward would have enlisted right away, but no one really believed he would beforehand until the day he did."

Carlisle's eyebrows knit together. "I thought Edward looked up to Charles and wanted to emulate him?"

"He did, but our parents never took him seriously. Not until he came home with enlistment papers."

Carlisle nodded as the waitress brought us our food. "I can understand that. Growing up, every time I tried to start a conversation about wanting to sign up, my father would change the subject back to the church. I knew I would have to take matters into my own hands to make him see I was serious."

I hated that his father was so set on Carlisle following in his footsteps at all costs. Being a doctor made Carlisle happy. Being a sailor made him happy. Perhaps even I made him happy.

We would never have met if it hadn't been for him enlisting. I would always be glad he did, even if I never understood what such an amazing man saw in me.

"Have you seen Bella since your brother left?" he asked suddenly.

"She was at work yesterday, why?"

"I was just wondering how she's doing...with regards to your brother and all. It can't be easy being left behind when a relationship is just barely being formed. I know I would hate to be separated from you right now."

I smiled sadly. I would hate that, too, but it was always a possibility.

"She misses him," I replied. "She'll be okay, though. Bella's tough."

"True," he agreed. "Still, it must be difficult for her."

"It is." My voice quieted. "And you know there's always a possibility of _us_ being separated. If you're transferred or assigned to a ship."

He reached across the table for my hand. Its smooth texture calmed me, and the solid force of his thumb rubbing slow circles on my palm calmed my fears.

"I know, Esme. But I don't want that possibility to change anything. It wouldn't, you know… Not for me."

I could see the question behind the pleading look in his eyes.

"It wouldn't change anything for me either," I confirmed.

His answering smile was brilliant. "Thank you."

"There's nothing to thank me for, Carlisle. It's the truth. I hate the thought of you being taken away, but I know it's possible. It doesn't affect my feelings for you."

"You're incredible, Esme. I'm lucky to have found you."

"We're both lucky," I said with a laugh.

He gripped my hand once before letting go to pay the bill the waitress had brought. I grabbed a peppermint from the counter before we left the diner and climbed back into the car to head to the theater.

The theater was nearly empty. Only a few small families sat in the rows around us. If felt strangely comforting to be able to sit in the dark with my hand in Carlisle's as the newsreel and then the film played.

When we exited the theater the sun was beginning to set. Carlisle drove back to my house along the same roads we had taken to Pearl City, holding my hand across the seat the entire time.

We didn't talk much, choosing to ride in comfortable silence instead. I was tired after the busy afternoon we had shared, but it was good kind of tired. I felt relaxed and at ease. By the time he pulled up the driveway to my house I was already lamenting that our day was over, even though I knew there would hopefully be many more to come.

He walked me to the door, still gripping my hand in his.

"I had an amazing time today, Carlisle," I said turning to face him.

"So did I, beautiful. So did I."

His arms enveloped me in a hug so forceful I was momentarily lifted off the ground. I laughed as he set me down and placed a soft kiss on my cheek, making my heart race.

"May I call you tomorrow?" he asked quietly.

"I would be quite disappointed if you didn't, Doctor Cullen."

* * *

**Kaukau means 'food'. I wanted it to be 'date' but couldn't find it.**

**So… First date. How do you think it went? Have any fun first date stories? I can't share my best story so publicly. It's rather NSFW. And the rest are fairly boring. **

**AtR has moved onto to round two in Best Canon Pair and Best Carlisle in the Avant Garde Awards. Thank you to everyone who voted and don't forget to vote for your favorite in round two!**

**Thank you to Mackenzie, Lauren, and Kelley for being so incredible all the time. I love you girls. **

**And if by some miracle you're reading this, Elizabeth, happy birthday. **

**As always, thanks so much for reading! I'm going to try as hard as I can to go back to weekly updates on this story. Forgive me if it doesn't always work, but I'm going to try. **


	12. Honi

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to their respective owners. The author of this story in no way profits from its use or distribution.**

* * *

_A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. _

_~Ingrid Bergman_

* * *

_July 1, 1942_

_Hi, Esme. How are things at home? I know how you worry so I will start this letter by assuring you that I have yet to see any real action. It is fairly quiet here, but I know better than to hope it will remain so for long._

_It's different than I thought it would be here, but that isn't a bad thing. Do you remember all those times grandfather would tell us stories from the Great War, and he would always describe how cold it was in the trenches and in the camps? It isn't like that for me. I hate that I am unable to tell you where I am, but I can tell you I think I have found a place that is hotter than it is at home._

_Speaking of home, I need to know, Esme, how is Bella really doing? I can't stand the thought of her wallowing in my absence. Although in__her letter she said she was doing__well, there was a noticeable lack of her usually bright and cheerful disposition in her words. I hate to admit that she may be trying to appease me despite her true sadness. I know it may seem forward to feel so close to her already, but I know you understand. War requires bonds to be formed quickly, and I can't help already having such strong feelings for Bella. She is an amazing woman, and I'm glad to have met her. I have you to thank for it, you know._

_And how are things with Carlisle? I'm anxious to hear how your date went, and as I am sure there have been more since then I want to hear about all those as well. I don't know if he has told you, even though I imagine you have asked, but the day I left I told him how happy I was that you had found him and that I trusted him to care for you. I know you do not need protecting, but he really is the perfect man to be there for you and to support you in all that you do. He cares for you deeply, Esme. Don't let him get away from you._

_I hope our parents are doing well. Especially mother. She worries so much over me. She tries to hide it, but she could never hide her fears very well. I know father will do all he can, but I hope that you can keep her happy and remind her that this is where I need to be._

_Despite the harshness of the war, this place really is beautiful. I wish you could see it, Esme. You would love some of the beaches I have seen. They look so much like the ones at home, but somehow different. The water is completely clear and most days you can see the fish as clear as day. At first I found it intriguing how many of the men had never seen water such as this before, but it is so unlike anywhere else I've seen. I can understand their fascination with it now._

_We don't get much more to eat than biscuits, and I already miss the large dinners mother used to prepare. I guess with the increased rationing we've heard rumor of you probably aren't eating much better than I am. The coffee is like dirt, but I guess I should be glad just to have some in the mornings. I know there will be a time when even that luxury is gone._

_But despite all the things I miss, I still have to say I am damn proud to be where I am. I suspected when I enlisted this day could possibly come, and now that it has I can't think of any higher honor than assisting the allies as we are._

_I know one day I will look back on these bleak days with enormous pride. That is what keeps me going every day._

_Please give everyone my love, and know that I'm always thinking of you, sis._

_I love you._

_Edward_

"Are you all right, Esme?"

I looked up and across the table. My father was watching me, concern clear on his face.

"I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

He set his morning paper down on the table and picked up a banana. He cut it in half and passed one section to me. "You're as white as a sheet, dear. What did Edward say?"

"Oh, it's nothing, Father. I just miss him so much. He seems to be in excellent spirits, though. Here, see for yourself." I handed him the letter across the table.

He read it quickly, his face changing from a smile, to a frown, to an expression of absolute pride as he reached the end.

"It sounds as though he's holding up rather well. Your mother will be pleased to hear that."

I nodded but remained silent.

"You're always going to miss him, pumpkin. You and Edward have had such a strong bond since you were young. As long as he's gone you'll feel like part of you is gone as well. But good news has to help a little, doesn't it?"

I nodded. "It does."

He reached across the table to grasp my hand. "At least he's found someone, hmm? Bella seems to be exactly what he needed."

"They really are perfect for each other," I replied.

"Much like you and Carlisle?" His wide smile and wink were playful, and it was wonderful to see.

"You really approve of him?"

"Of course, Esme. I gave him permission to date you, didn't I?"

I grinned and looked down.

"In all seriousness," he continued. "I think he is very good for you, dear. He makes you happy. There's nothing more I could ask for. Especially now with your brother being gone, and things becoming more desperate every day. Everyone could use some happiness right now, and you have it."

I nodded in understanding. The rations on food were becoming stricter in the face of more being needed overseas, and many other things that were once commonplace were now virtually gone.

"He means a lot to me, Father. But so do you. I'm glad you like him so much."

He grinned, picking up his paper again. "He's a very interesting young man. I enjoy the conversations he and I have, and I would never try to deny how happy he makes my princess."

I bit my lip, unsure of whether or not I wanted the answer I needed most. "Can I ask you something?"

"Always, pumpkin. You know that."

I took a deep breath before speaking. "Do you think Charles would've liked him?"

My father's whole demeanor changed in that moment. He put his paper back down and moved around the table to sit in the chair next to mine. He took both my hands in his and rubbed them soothingly.

"Esme, Charles would have loved Carlisle. I wasn't sure if I should tell you because I didn't know how you would take it, but I told Carlisle as much shortly after your first date."

My eyes widened. "You did?"

"Yes, honey. I know Charles would be so proud of you, and he would approve wholeheartedly of your relationship with Carlisle. All Charles ever wanted from the time you were children was your happiness, whether it was with him or not. And that is exactly what I told Carlisle."

I leaned back in my chair, absorbing everything my father had just said.

"Why didn't Carlisle tell me?"

"Maybe he was afraid of causing you pain," he suggested.

That thought had never occurred to me before, but my father was probably right. Carlisle was selfless to a fault. He would never want to tell me anything that might hurt me. However, the fact he didn't tell me still stung.

"I don't like that he kept something from me," I told my father.

"Oh, Esme, I doubt the boy did it on purpose. Why don't you ask him about it? There's no harm in that, is there?"

"I suppose you're right," I replied.

"Is he coming by today?" Father asked.

"Yes he is. He should be here soon, in fact."

"Good. I enjoy having him around the house."

"You enjoy stealing him away from me for hours of intellectual discussion," I said with a grin.

"You are more than capable of keeping up, dear. I raised quite an intelligent young lady."

He eyed me closely, a thoughtful look on his face.

"I would so love to see you attend college, Esme," he continued. "We've discussed it before."

I sighed softly and picked up another banana. "I know, Father, but I feel that the timing isn't right."

He nodded. "You're probably right. Still, I would be so proud to see you obtain a degree of your own."

A sudden knock on the door interrupted our conversation. I smiled as I pushed my chair back and made my way down the hall toward the door, knowing that Carlisle was on the other side.

I opened it to see him shaking the rain out of his umbrella. It had been raining constantly for several days, and I hadn't been out of the house at all in that time except to go to work. Normally it would irritate me, as I was so used to being outdoors, but Carlisle had come to the house every day when he wasn't working.

We would stay in the sitting room for hours talking. Sometimes we would play cards or chess, but we were often happy to simply sit together and watch the rain.

He smiled radiantly when he turned and saw me at the door.

"I hope you didn't get too wet," I told him as he kissed my cheek and placed his umbrella in the coat stand behind the door.

"Of course not," he replied. "I managed to catch one of the few cabs running from the base."

I was relieved he had been so lucky. Gas was becoming a scarce commodity as more and more of it was needed for the war effort. It seemed like every day there were fewer cars on the road than the day before.

"How has your morning been?" he asked as we walked down the hall toward the dining room.

"It's been fine. Father will be thrilled you're here. He was asking about you only five minutes ago."

He laughed. "It seems I am rather well liked in this home."

We entered the dining room where my father was still reading his paper. I was beginning to wonder if he wasn't as bored as I was with the rain. He had read the paper at least three times front to back.

"Good morning, Carlisle," Father said as we entered the room. He put his paper down and gestured to an empty seat beside the one I had previously occupied. "Won't you sit down and have some breakfast?"

"I would love to," Carlisle replied, taking a seat and reaching for a croissant.

"I received a letter from Edward," I told him, picking up my letter and looking over it once again.

He smiled. "Good news?"

"Yes," I replied. "He has yet to see any battles. That's as good a thing as I can hope to hear."

His smile grew but something about it seemed forced. I wondered what could possibly be wrong, but I didn't think it would be smart to press the matter in front of my father.

"That is good to hear," Carlisle agreed. "Any other news?"

"He asked about Bella," I said, smiling. "He misses her greatly."

"I'm sure he does. I can't imagine being separated for such an indeterminate amount of time."

I nodded absentmindedly, lost in thought. It was one of my greatest fears and something we only ever mentioned in passing. I had yet to truly confront my worry over it, and I wasn't sure I would ever want to; although I knew it was necessary.

As soon as Carlisle was finished eating we moved to the sitting room. I wanted to write to Edward as soon as possible. I couldn't be sure he would receive my letter, but I knew the Victory Mail Service had a proven history of getting mail to the soldiers in the field.

"I want to write to Edward," I explained.

Carlisle smiled beautifully and took a seat on the sofa beside me as I picked up a piece of stationary, a pen, and a book to use as a surface. I thought for a moment before beginning.

_July 30, 1942_

_Dear Edward,_

_I am so glad to hear you have not been involved in any conflict yet and that you're doing well._

_Things are fine here. Carlisle and I are doing very well. We are growing closer every day__,__and our relationship is growing stronger. When you explained in your letter what you told him I could hardly suppress my smile. I suspected as much that day, but didn't want to say anything in case you didn't want me to know. I'm so glad that you like him and that you trust him. He already has a large piece of my heart and your approval means everything to me, dear brother._

_On the subject of Bella, I have only seen her at work these past few weeks and, therefore__, I cannot say__how she is when alone. But when we are together she seems to be holding up well. She misses you very much, but she is keeping herself occupied, and__she__is very proud of you._

_Father and I discussed my desire to go to school this morning. He is so anxious for it. It makes me wish for the day when this war is over. I have to say, I am looking forward__to__being a student again as well._

_I am glad you are finding beauty in your surroundings, despite the circumstances under which you are there. That is the sort of thing that will keep your morale high._

_Always remember we all love you__,__and I am always thinking of you._

_Love,_

_Esme_

I sealed the letter as Carlisle rubbed my shoulder. I turned to him and smiled.

"Think he'll be happy to hear from me?"

"Esme, that's not even a question. Of course he will."

I laughed and crossed the room to the window. I was relieved to see the rain was lessening. It was still coming down, but not nearly as hard as it had been. I was desperate to be outside after a week of being kept indoors.

"Would you like to sit on the porch for a while?" I asked, turning to face Carlisle.

"I would love that," he replied.

There was a set of French doors that led from the sitting room onto the vast front porch that wrapped around the side of the house. In all the afternoons Carlisle had been to the house we had never spent any time on the front porch. We would often eat lunch on the deck in the back that overlooked the sprawling property my parents owned, but there was something about the front porch that was magical to me.

The property had once been a sugar cane plantation when my grandfather owned it, and it often reminded me of the large plantations I had seen on the mainland. On the far side of the porch there was a swing that overlooked the driveway and my mother's victory garden. Our home being set on a hill allowed for an incredible view over all of Honolulu and the bay.

"It's possible this is more beautiful than the view off the veranda," Carlisle said as we sat down.

I sat beside him and pulled my legs up beneath me as his arm circled my shoulder. I rested my head on his shoulder as he gently toed the porch, causing the swing to sway.

We sat in silence for a long while, listening to the rain fall against the roof and the soft creak of the swing. It was a humid day but not as intolerably hot as the summer often was.

The rise and fall of Carlisle's chest beneath me was as soothing as the sound of the rain.

It had been weeks since our first date and we had been on several since then, all of them to the theater. We hadn't returned to the diner because of the increase in rationing, but it was nice to still be able to see a movie and catch up on the news from Europe.

Even though I loved our outings, afternoons such as this were my favorite. I loved having Carlisle in my home and watching him interact with my family. Every moment we spent together I grew more and more certain of my feelings for him, and it was obvious he felt the same.

Every day I discovered something new about Carlisle, and every piece fell together like a puzzle. His favorite game was dominos, pineapple was quickly becoming his favorite food, he loved lightening but hated thunder, his favorite color was a rich navy blue, and he preferred palm trees to the pines he had been around during his childhood.

Every new bit of information I uncovered only served to increase my attraction. I knew I was lucky to have him.

"I could almost fall asleep out here with you in my arms," he whispered into my hair.

I hummed. "I could too. It's so peaceful."

"I love these quiet moments. They make it easy to forget that there is war all around us."

"That's true," I agreed. "Sometimes the war feels half a world away, and sometimes it feels like it's in our own backyard."

"In many ways it is," he said softly. "A great number of occupied islands in the Pacific are not far from here."

I shivered involuntarily. "They're too close. And they've already…" I couldn't finish my sentence, but I knew Carlisle understood.

_Pearl._

That morning was still so fresh in everyone's memory. For those like Carlisle who saw the devastation first-hand, I knew that horror would never fade.

He kissed the top of my head before responding. "I know, sweetheart."

Something in his voice was almost resigned as he spoke. It reminded me of the moment in the dining room when he reacted strangely to news that Edward had yet to be involved in direct conflict.

"Carlisle," I said, sitting up straighter and taking his hand in mine. "What was the matter earlier, in the dining room?"

He sighed and rubbed his face with his free hand. "I'm sorry if I worried you, Esme. It is only that the reality of wartime service, even for a doctor, is finally catching up with me."

I did not like where this was possibly going, but I remained silent and waited for him to finish.

"Doctor Snow has been given orders," he continued. "He's going to England."

My mouth fell open in shock and I found myself gripping his hand tighter. "Has he suspected he might be sent?"

Carlisle shook his head. "Not at all. Before Pearl we could go on a voluntary basis. We still can. It's hard to come to terms with the fact we can now be ordered as well, though."

"But he'll be fine there, won't he?"

Carlisle nodded. "He'll take care of injured men as they're brought to him. But he'll be closer to it than any of us would like."

I relaxed back into his arms, and he began rocking the swing once more.

"I hate feeling this conflicted," he confessed.

"What do you mean?"

"It's just that we're supposed to want to go," he said, frustrated. "It doesn't feel right to hope to stay behind."

I understood where he was coming from. Having lived around the military for so long I knew the immense patriotism that soldiers felt, especially during wartime.

"It will work out," I assured him. I sounded more confident than I felt, but I knew there was nothing that could be done. I didn't like the possibility of Carlisle going overseas, but I knew if the day came he would be happy to do whatever he could to help.

"I shouldn't even be thinking about it," he said. "I'm needed here right now. I don't think there's anything to worry about."

"I'm sure there isn't for now," I agreed.

"All I want to think about is you," he said with a laugh.

I lifted my head from his shoulder and cupped his cheek. "You're too wonderful to me."

He shook his head. "There is no such thing, Esme." His arm moved to cup my shoulder pulling me closer. He trailed his thumb down my jaw as his green eyes held my gaze.

Something in the atmosphere had shifted between us.

His face was so close I could feel his breath against my cheek. My heart pounded as he tentatively leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss to the corner of my lips. He pulled back a short ways, and when our eyes met I could see the question in them. I pulled his face back to mine and gently brushed my lips against his.

He smiled against my lips, giving me the confidence to deepen the kiss. His arm pulled me even closer as his other hand came up to grasp mine and rub soothing circles on my palm with his thumb.

I settled into his side when the kiss ended, placing my head under his chin and sighing happily. I loved the way the scratchy skin along his jaw felt against the smooth skin of my neck. He rubbed my arm as the swing continued to move slowly.

"I hate when the sun begins to set and I have to leave you," Carlisle whispered against my ear, sending a shiver down my spine and bringing a smile to my face.

"Me too," I replied. "And thank you for the kiss," I added with a laugh.

"Not to get technical, darling, but you kissed me."

"After you made it clear such an advance would be more than welcome."

"I've wanted to do that for so long, Esme."

"So have I, Carlisle."

**oOoOoOo**

The weeks passed with no word from Edward. July turned to August, and August turned to September, and still no word. I walked down the long driveway every morning to meet the postal carrier and collect that day's letters. And every day I was disappointed when nothing arrived from my brother.

I was trying not to become too concerned, reminding myself that it could take a great deal of time for letters to reach their destinations during wartime.

My father assured me every day that Edward was probably fine, but I couldn't help the worry that was slowly setting in.

I had just reached the end of the driveway on a sunny Saturday morning when a cab pulled up and Carlisle stepped out.

"Waiting for the mail?" he asked before kissing me softly.

"Yes," I replied. "I hope the postman brings me good news today."

"Well, he should be here any moment. I saw him a little ways down the road."

My heart leapt at the thought. I would soon know if I had a letter.

Carlisle wrapped his arm around my shoulder as I watched the postman turn the corner. He smiled when he saw me.

"Good morning, Esme. I think I have something in this bag you might like."

My heart began to pound as he handed me a stack of letters, and he tipped his hat before continuing down the road. Many of them were official documents for my father, but at the bottom of the pile was a dirty, faded envelope with a military return address on it. It was addressed to _Edward, Elizabeth, andEsme Masen_.

I smiled as I looped my arm through Carlisle's, and we walked up the driveway toward the house.

I handed the letter to my mother when we entered the sitting room. Her relief at finally receiving a note from her only son was palpable in the room. I watched as she tore into the envelope, a wide smile forming on her lips, making her appear years younger than she was.

The strain of having Edward away was taking a noticeable toll on my mother. She spent more time at home, and had withdrawn slightly from her charity work and friends. Wrinkles were developing around her eyes, and the pallor of her skin betrayed the obvious stress she was feeling.

It was amazing the difference one letter could make. She looked better than she had since Edward left as she sat on the sofa, absorbing his every word.

Carlisle squeezed my hand as we stood in the doorway, watching her. I looked up and saw the happiness in his eyes. He loved this as much as I did.

"He's doing well," my mother said, placing the letter on the table beside the sofa. "Still no hints as to where he is, and still no action. That is such a blessing. I know he will see battle. I know that, and I tell myself he will be fine. But I am relieved that day still has yet to come."

I nodded my agreement, my heart constricting at her final words as I moved to sit beside her. I picked up the letter and scanned the familiar handwriting, smiling when I noticed the tiny blotches across the page where he seemed he had rushed his writing. The same thing often happened to me when writing my letters. I was always in such a hurry to get them in the mail.

The fact that my brother was still in such high spirits amazed me and filled me with pride. He was so strong. My mother's constant worry over him truly was for nothing. I knew she couldn't help it – mothers never can, but Edward was a survivor. He knew how to keep himself going.

"What do you want to do today?" I asked, turning to Carlisle.

He thought for a moment, but I didn't miss the way his eyes shifted to the ceiling. I laughed. "As if I even need to ask. Let's go."

Not long after our first date I had shown Carlisle around my father's library and he had fallen in love. We spent many afternoons sitting beside the large windows, reading together.

The first time I brought Carlisle to the library he walked around it in awe for what seemed like hours, inspecting every inch and cataloging the title of every book to memory.

Two long windows stood at the north end of the room with a fireplace between them. In front of the windows were several chairs, sofas, and end tables. The whole room was painted a muted green, allowing it to flow naturally with the outside. It was a perfect setting in which to lose oneself during an afternoon of reading.

_"Esme, this is amazing," Carlisle had finally said, turning to face me where I stood in the doorway._

_"It's my favorite room in the house," I had replied with a smile._

_"I can certainly see why." He moved to the nearest shelf and ran his hand over the spines of several books. "How many of them have you read?" he asked, turning to face me._

_"I wish I could tell you I've read them all, but there aren't enough hours in the day."_

I smiled as I recalled our first visit to what I now considered the one room in the house that was ours.

We settled in on the familiar sofa beside the large floor to ceiling window that overlooked the front of the property.

"What do you want to read today?" I asked as I situated myself in his arms. They wrapped around me, holding me tight. He kissed my temple and pushed my hair behind my ear before responding.

"I don't want to read anything today," he replied.

"You don't?"

"I would rather just hold you."

I shifted closer to him in the circle of his arms and laid my head on his chest. "That sounds wonderful."

"Do you know how beautiful you are?" he asked, running his fingers through my hair.

I lifted my head and kissed him, smiling against his lips. "I thought for sure you would want to read more Fitzgerald today. I never imagined I would get to sit here and listen to compliments instead."

"Well considering the fact that a letter came from Edward today, I wasn't sure you would want to read. I thought you might be a bit preoccupied."

I moved so I was lying flat against the sofa with my head in Carlisle's lap. He continued to run his fingers through my hair, the soothing motion relaxing me.

I picked up his free hand and wound our fingers together, resting our hands on my stomach.

"I'm so glad he's still doing so well."

Carlisle nodded. "Your brother is amazing," he said, his voice filled with wonder.

"It sounds ridiculous because I'm older than him, but I look up to Edward. I always have."

"He's your brother, Esme. Of course you would look up to him. And I would be willing to bet he looks up to you, too. In fact, I'm sure of it."

"Really?" I asked.

"Have you ever heard the way he talks about you? Honey, your brother adores you. You inspire him to be better."

I looked at him skeptically. "Is this part of what he told you in secret?"

Carlisle smirked and leaned forward, pressing his lips to mine. I wound my hand into his hair, holding him there as the kiss deepened.

"You were saying?" he asked, breaking the kiss.

"That's unfair," I told him. "You can't use a kiss to make me forget what I want to know."

"Yes, I can."

"Can we read for a while?" I asked, deciding to let my previous question go for the time being.

He nodded and lifted the book from the table beside the sofa where we had left it. We always took turns, reading one chapter each to each other. I knew there was so much still to worry about – there always would be – but for now all I wanted to think about was being with Carlisle. I closed my eyes, content to rest in his arms all afternoon and take comfort in his gentle voice as he read.

* * *

**Honi means kiss.**

**Thank you Mackenzie for editing this, and Kelley for pre-reading.**

**As always, thanks for reading!**


	13. Aloha

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to their respective owners. The author of this story in no way profits from its use or distribution.**

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_Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage._

_~ Lao Tzu_

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I held Carlisle's hand as we made our way through the gates and up the small hill. Dozens of marble slabs and flower arrangements stood all around us, marking the final resting places of so many people.

I shivered as a gentle breeze began to blow.

"Are you all right?" Carlisle asked, his voice filled with concern.

I gripped his hand and smiled to reassure him. "I'm fine. It's just been a while since I've been here."

"We don't have to do this, Esme. I can take you home if you aren't comfortable being here."

I shook my head. "No, Carlisle. This is something you want, and I won't deny you that. I think it's perfect."

"You do?"

"Of course I do. I told you that yesterday when you asked."

He grinned. "I know, but my request was made in the comfort and security of your home. Facing the reality of my request, here in this place, is quite different."

I had to admit he was right, but this meant a lot to him, and I understood his desire well.

The night before, when we were sitting on the porch swing waiting for the sun to set, signaling the end of our evening, he had nervously broached the subject of visiting this place.

_"Esme, darling, I have something I must ask you, but I am frightened of your response."_

_I lifted my head from his shoulder to look in his eyes. What could possibly frighten him?_

_"What is it, Carlisle? What's the matter?"_

_He shook his head. "Nothing is wrong, beautiful. I only worry that my request might cross a boundary I should not cross."_

_"Whatever it is, I am sure it cannot be all that bad," I assured him._

_"I want to do something you might not be comfortable with, and I fully understand if you say no-"_

_"Carlisle, just tell me," I said, placing a hand on his chest._

_"I want to visit Charles' grave."_

_I closed my eyes. Of every possibility that had been running through my mind, that was the furthest from what I expected._

_"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I knew it would hurt you."_

_I rubbed soothing motions on his chest as I sorted my thoughts. His request took me by surprise, but I was not unopposed to the idea._

_"No, Carlisle," I said. "I'm not upset. I wasn't expecting that, but I'm not upset. Why do you want to go?" I tried to keep my voice as gentle as possible so he could see__that__I meant what I said._

_"The idea has been forming in my mind for several weeks," he explained. "I want to meet him – the only way I can. I want to tell him myself that you are adored and cared for, and always will be."_

_The tears sprang to my eyes before I could stop them. They were not shed in sadness, but in the comfort that he was exactly right. Carlisle cared for me deeply, and if he wanted to tell Charles that himself, at the one place I was sure he would hear,__then__who was I to stop him__?_

_"I think that's a perfect idea," I said as he wiped the tears from my cheek._

_"Why are you crying, beautiful?" His soft voice against my skin as he kissed the tears away made me shiver._

_"I'm crying because I don't deserve a man as amazing as you."_

_"Why would you say that, Esme?"_

_"I've always thought we only get one chance at true happiness. When Charles died I was sure my one and only chance died with him. You've showed me how wrong I was."_

_He rubbed his thumb across my cheek._

_"So, you'll go with me?" he asked._

_I nodded. "Of course I will. I can hardly believe how nervous you were to ask."_

_He laughed. "It's a very personal thing for you, Esme. I didn't want to step over any lines."_

_"You never could, Carlisle. There are no lines between us."_

I smiled at the memory as I took Carlisle's hand and led him up the path that went through the middle of the cemetery. Many members of my family were buried here, and I had been coming once a year with my parents since I was a child to help maintain their graves.

This, however, would be the first time I came for Charles.

I had never been brave enough to visit on my own. But this was something Carlisle wanted, and with him beside me, I knew I could do this.

I could hardly believe I remembered where I was going. The day of the funeral I had been so lost in my own head, Rose had to hold me up all afternoon. My memories of that day were hazy at best, and I was sure I would have forgotten where the grave was.

But my feet carried me forward, almost of their own accord, toward the place I thought I would never visit again.

It seemed like no time at all before I was kneeling in front of a large marble tombstone, and my hand was reaching out to run along its smooth surface.

Carlisle stood back, allowing me this one moment. I could feel his presence, but I needed to do this on my own at first.

There were two bouquets of fresh flowers on either side of the headstone. Someone regularly changed them out; most likely his mother. I felt a pang of guilt at the thought of his parents. I hadn't seen them in a long time. I needed to make it up to them. They would always be family to me.

My fingers found their way into the smooth indention of his name, and I traced every letter before clearing my throat. My voice was cracked and broken when I finally spoke.

"Hi, Chalres." I shuddered as a single tear rolled down my cheek. "I miss you," I said.

I sat down all the way and leaned my head against the stone, unable to say anymore. This was much harder than I had thought it would be.

I felt a strong hand on my back as Carlisle sat down beside me. I moved my head to his shoulder as his arm came up around me, anchoring me to him and reminding me he was there for me.

"Hello, Charles," he said. His voice was even and steady, but the reverence underneath was as plain as day. "We've never met, at least not that I'm aware of." His words made me smile through my tears. It was entirely possible they had seen each other on base and maybe even been introduced at some point.

It was entirely possible Carlisle had seen him in the hospital after the attack.

I shivered again, and gripped Carlisle's hand as he continued.

"My… Uh, my name's Carlisle. I'm a fellow serviceman, and… I…" His eyes met mine as he spoke his next words. "I love Esme more than my own life."

My eyes widened, but I held his gaze and smiled. He _loved_ me.

He rubbed my arm soothingly and turned to kiss my temple before continuing.

"I wanted to come here today to meet you. I know it seems pretty ridiculous, but I wanted to assure you that Esme is happy and loved."

"I am," I said, reaching forward to touch the stone. "I'm happy."

Carlisle loved me with his whole heart. Today was the first time I had heard those words from him, but somehow I had known his feelings for some time. He helped me through the worst months of my life, and I prayed he would be there for many more to come. And, without a doubt, I loved him, too.

Charles had promised me forever, but he was ripped away from me to soon. I sunk into a hell I wouldn't wish on anyone, and it was Carlisle who pulled me out of it and showed me there was life after tragedy.

I loved them both so much, and I was sure in another time and under different circumstances they would have been great friends.

"I have to tell you," Carlisle continued. "When I told Esme that I wanted to come out here today, I expected her to turn me down. I was prepared for a 'no'. I was sure that you were a memory she needed to keep for herself. I never expected her to share you with me so willingly.

"I want to tell you what an honor it is just to be an acquaintance of Esme's, and I am shocked every day when I look into her eyes and see how deeply she cares for me. I never imagined I would know such a feeling from such an amazing woman. I don't want to sound selfish. That is not my intention at all, but I need to thank you for bringing her to me. If I could change everything and let you be here with her I would do it in an instant, even at the cost of my own heart. But I cannot change the past, and that is why I want you to know that she is loved very much."

I smiled and rubbed his back as he finished speaking. The tears streamed freely down my face, but they were not shed in sadness. Rather I cried in happiness. I never imagined the man at my side would come into my life, and every word he spoke to a stone that would never be able to answer was the absolute truth.

Carlisle caressed my face, wiping away the tears, and gently kissed my cheek. "Do you need a minute?"

I nodded, unable to form the words to express how grateful I was to him for understanding me so well. He slowly stood and made his way to a bench that sat on the other side of the main pathway.

I sat in silence for several minutes, trying to gather my scattered thoughts.

I truly couldn't believe I had never been brave enough to come here before now. I felt so much more peace sitting in the middle of the cemetery than I had anywhere else I had tried to grieve. I smiled softly at the thought I might have saved Rose a lot of grief by spending quiet hours in this peaceful place instead of wasting energy throwing things at her.

When I finally spoke, my voice was soft and calm. "You know I'll always love you, don't you?" I liked to think he could hear me, wherever he was, and that he knew my words to be true.

"Part of my heart died with you. But the pieces that were left, Carlisle put those back together. He saved me, Charles, and I hope that you would be proud of me for choosing him. I _know_you would."

I wiped a tear from my cheek before continuing.

"I promise I'll come visit more often, and I'm sorry I haven't been here before. I promise to keep in touch with your parents more, too. I hardly realized how much I've missed them. I'll help your mother keep the plot decorated. I know she must work so hard on it."

I looked to the left and noticed that Charles was buried right beside his grandparents. This plot was supposed to belong to his father, and yet, the son was buried here instead.

I sighed as I kissed the tips of my fingers and placed them against the stone.

I was exhausted and emotionally drained. I couldn't be here anymore.

I walked slowly to where Carlisle sat and collapsed onto the bench beside him.

He took my hand without speaking and held it in his lap. It was cool under the shade of the tree we sat beneath. I closed my eyes and rested my head on Carlisle's shoulder as the tears dried on my cheeks.

I watched in silence as a tiny old lady walked slowly up the path, holding a large bouquet of flowers. She stopped several feet from where we sat and knelt to exchange the flowers in front of the grave with the ones she was carrying.

She stood up and smiled at us, nodding as she made her way back down the path toward the entrance.

My curiosity got the better of me. I stood and made my way to the grave she had visited. He had most likely been her husband. The dates on the headstone showed he had lived a long life. But she was still here – left behind with only a stone to visit every day.

I felt the leg of Carlisle's pants brush against my arm as he kneeled down beside me.

"Anyone you know?" he asked softly.

I shook my head. "No. I just… I felt such a connection with that woman." I laughed. "I know it doesn't make any sense."

"It makes perfect sense," he said. "She obviously lost someone very important just like you did."

"I wonder if she ever found love again."

His lips touched my temple while he rubbed my knee soothingly. "I hope so," he said. "You did."

I smiled and turned to look at him. His eyes were an intense green. They always seemed so much brighter when he was outside, surrounded by nature.

"I still can hardly believe I got this second chance. I love you so much, Carlisle."

"I love you too, Esme. What do you say we go for a walk? It's too beautiful a day not to spend it outside."

I nodded. "That sounds perfect."

"Unless, of course, you aren't ready to leave," he said quickly. "We don't have to if you want to stay."

I placed my hand on his arm. "No. I'm ready. And there's a park right next door. I want to go."

He smiled and helped me to my feet.

We walked the short distance to the park, and I immediately made my way to the wooden playground in the middle. I sat down on the wooden swing and toed the ground to push myself.

"When I was a kid that was the only cemetery in Honolulu," I said as Carlisle sat down on the swing next to mine. "Every time anyone my parents knew passed away they would let Edward and I play in this park while they attended the funeral."

"I never had a place like this to play while growing up." The miserable tone of his voice made me want to jump off the swing and kiss him till the sadness was gone. "There were no playgrounds near our home. I sometimes played with kids from the neighborhood, as I've told you, but my father would often find an excuse to need my help instead. After a while I stopped trying and everyone began to think I was a loner."

I reached for his hand, and clasped it in mine.

"You have friends now. Companionship…"

"Love," he finished with a smile.

I nodded. "Love."

"Thank you for agreeing to come here with me today, Esme. I know it was hard for you."

"Would you have stayed away if I hadn't agreed?"

"I would have never hidden my wish from you, if that's what you're asking. And I never would have come if you had wished me not to."

"I wouldn't have kept you from doing something that obviously meant so much to you," I said. "There was so much passion in your words. I understand why you were so set on meeting Charles, as it were."

He grinned sheepishly. "I'm sorry to have sprung the true extent of my feelings on you with no warning like that. But I had to tell him I loved you. I wanted him to know."

I nodded. "He does know, Carlisle. And now I do, too."

"You aren't upset with me for not telling you differently?"

I thought back to those first moments at Charles' grave.

_My… Uh, my name's Carlisle. I'm a fellow serviceman, and… I…I love Esme more than my own life._

I couldn't help but laugh. "No, Carlisle. In fact, I think I love it. How many women can say they heard someone's love for them uttered to a headstone first?"

He shrugged, still smiling. "You have a point."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course, Esme."

"When did you know you loved me?"

He thought for a moment before responding. "Honestly I think it started that day in the infirmary when Rose first brought you in." He laughed. "You _really_didn't want to be there."

That was true. I had thought Rose was making a huge fuss out of nothing. I was glad I had listened to her, though. That afternoon brought me to Carlisle.

"I think I finally realized I was in love and never wanted to be without you the day your brother left. You tried so hard to be strong and smile, despite knowing every possible outcome. I saw the little cracks, though. You were in so much pain underneath it all. I wanted to take that away from you even if it meant bringing it on myself. I wanted nothing more than to be the one suffering in your place. That was when I realized I loved you."

I wanted to cry again, but this time from pure happiness.

"It scared me," he continued. "I've never known love before. I'm not proud of it but there are times when I've felt like I was competing with another man's memory for your love."

_How could he have__thought that?_

Without a second thought I climbed out of my seat and stood in front of him. I moved between his legs and he raised his eyes to mine. I took his face in my hands and rubbed his jaw with my thumb.

I bent my head and touched my lips to his. "I hate that you've thought that," I whispered.

"Like I said, I'm not proud of it."

"I love you, Carlisle. I never want you to doubt that. Not ever."

He nodded. "I'm sorry, beautiful. I hate that I was jealous."

"Is this the real reason you wanted to come out today?"

He nodded slowly. "In a way, yes. I felt as though I owed it to Charles' memory to tell him directly how much you meant to me. But I won't lie that I needed a way to prove to myself that you had real feelings for me, too." He took a deep breath. "I love you so much, Esme. But I recognize I was not the first man to do so. I felt the need to rectify my own feelings for you with the feelings you've already shared with another."

In my heart I wanted to be angry with him for thinking such a thing in the first place, but I couldn't. I understood his feelings. I would have wondered the same thing had the situation been reversed.

"Carlisle, I loved Charles very much. I never thought I would find love again, but I did. With you."

I kissed him once more, squealing in surprise when he pulled me down onto his lap. I laughed when he nuzzled my neck and placed a soft kiss to the skin beneath my ear. I sighed and leaned my head back against his shoulder to give him better access.

He turned my head to face his and kissed me harder than before. His mouth moved against mine with confidence. He was sure of his place in my life now. I smiled against his lips. I loved his shy side, but I never wanted him to question my love.

I moaned softly into his mouth as his hands pulled me even closer.

This was new.

We had never been so close before; and in public, no less.

I moved in his lap so that I faced him, and took his face in my hands as we kissed. I didn't care that we were in public, on a children's playground. I didn't care that anybody could walk by at anytime and see us. All that mattered was that we both felt comfortable enough to let go of our inhibitions and truly enjoy this moment together.

He pulled back, breathless, and smiled as I laughed.

"Where did that come from?" I whispered against his lips.

"I guess you bring out a different side of me, beautiful."

I looked around to make sure no one was nearby, before standing and taking Carlisle's hand.

"Come with me," I said.

He pulled me back against his chest, making me laugh again, and kissed the corner of my jaw. "I would follow you anywhere, Esme."

"We're going for that walk you suggested, but it may be much shorter than you expected."

The cemetery was built into the low hills on the northern side of the city, near the forests that ran behind my house. The property that the park sat on extended back into the trees. I held Carlisle's hand and led him to a place where we could find more privacy.

It had been an emotionally trying day, and all I wanted right now was to be wrapped in his arms without worrying about who might walk by and see.

A tree stood at the outer edge of the forest, its branches low but solid. I climbed the short way up to the nearest one, and grinned at Carlisle, daring him to join me. He accepted my silent challenge and quickly scaled the tree, landing beside me with skilled agility.

My eyes widened. "Climbed many trees?"

He shrugged. "You could say that."

He leaned back against the truck and placed one leg on each side of the branch. He pulled a leaf from the branch above our heads and twirled it between his fingers.

"What are we doing up here?" he asked.

"I wanted to be alone with you."

He smiled softly and beckoned me over to him. "Come here, Esme."

I crawled into his lap and rested my head against his chest, content to sit there all afternoon with him.

"This is better than the porch swing," I said.

"Hmm… I have to agree. On the porch swing I can't do this…" He tilted my face toward his and kissed me. His tongue swept gently over my bottom lip in a silent request. I parted my lips to deepen the kiss and Carlisle's hands wound into my hair.

We could have stayed like that for hours and I would never have known.

"Turn around," he whispered, breaking the kiss. His hands helped me keep my balance as I moved to face him, still in his lap.

The light filtered through the trees, casting part of his face in shadow. His hair was disheveled from the climb into the tree, and his shirt was rumpled. He was _beautiful._

I felt the warmth of his hands spread through my limbs where he still held me. The sensation made my head swim and my heart race.

"My dress is in the way," I muttered, slightly embarrassed by my reaction.

"It's fine, darling. You're fine."

And I was. Though the day had not been easy, the visit to Charles' grave made me realize that I didn't need to be chained down by my past. I was happy with Carlisle. I loved Carlisle. It didn't mean I left everything else behind. It simply meant I was fine to move on, and felt no guilt over doing so.

I reached out to stroke his cheek.

"I'll never tire of telling you I love you."

He captured my hand with his and brought it to his lips, kissing the tips of my fingers.

"I'll never tire of hearing it, Esme. Or of repeating it back to you."

The shade around us was growing darker. It would be curfew soon.

Carlisle sighed. "I should walk you home now."

I nodded, and swung down from the branch. Carlisle landed softly beside me. He took my hand in his and kissed the back of it as we set off down the sidewalk toward my home.

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**In addition to 'hello' Aloha also means 'love'.**

**Thank you to Mackenzie L. for the beta work, and to texasunshine and kr2009 for pre-reading. **

**I apologize for the wait on this chapter. I wrote an update for Shattered, an outtake for Shattered, and a one-shot, Le Mascherata, in the meantime. The really good news is that I am a chapter ahead of myself on this story now, so I can get back to a regular update schedule. **

**Reviewers get an adorable little teaser of the next chapter! **


	14. Kalaiwa

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to their respective owners. The author of this story in no way profits from its use or distribution.**

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_Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives._

_~C.S. Lewis_

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The day was unusually warm for being the beginning of November as I sat under the canopy at my favorite café with Rose, Bella, and Alice.

The day we visited the cemetery, Carlisle suggested to me on our way home that it might be a good idea to spend some time with my friends. We hadn't spent a day together since Edward departed, weeks before. It was long past time for a carefree afternoon, and thankfully they had all agreed.

We had decided to come to the café for a light lunch and some tea, and then we would catch a film. They all knew I was more interested in the newsreel than the film, but I tried not to let my fears and concerns weigh on my mind today.

"How is everything with Carlisle, Esme?" Alice asked. "I hate that I never seem to see you anymore, and I never want to ask him about you while we're working."

"We're doing wonderfully," I said. "In fact, we're doing better than ever. I think a lot of what was holding us back has been resolved. We went to the cemetery yesterday to visit Charles' grave, and I learned a lot of Carlisle's fears about our relationship. We worked through a lot of issues."

Three sets of eyes went wide, but Rose was the first to speak.

"You've never been..." Her voice was quiet, almost hurt. Rose had begged me for weeks to go to the cemetery with me, and I had refused her every time. It never occurred to me that now, months later, she would still be upset.

"It was something Carlisle wanted to do for himself," I explained. "He wanted to tell Charles in person that he loved me and would take care of me."

"That is so sweet," Bella said. Alice and Rose nodded in agreement.

"It really was. I think it really shifted something in our relationship. He's much more open to me now. Not that he wasn't before, but he's more comfortable and assured in his own feelings for me. I can tell already, in just one day."

"That's so great, Esme," Rose said. I knew she wouldn't be upset once I explained how much it helped both Carlisle and myself. I was in a different place than I was when she had been begging me to go. Now the timing was perfect.

We watched in silence as the lady in the shop across the street hung a meager amount of ornaments on her store's Christmas tree.

"Can you believe the holidays are almost here?" Alice asked.

"This year went by so fast," Rose said.

I nodded in agreement, thinking of how fast time really had gone by. It was hard to believe it had almost been a year since the attack on Pearl Harbor.

"Do you know what you're going to get for Emmett?" Alice asked Rose.

"Not yet," she replied. "There isn't anything he really needs."

"What about you, Esme? What are you getting for Carlisle?"

I shrugged. "I have no idea. Most things are so scarce nowadays. It's not as if I can drop by any store and pick up something nice." I truly hadn't thought much about it yet. I was just happy I would be able to spend the holidays with him.

"I know what you can give him," Rose said. "Yourself." She raised her eyebrows suggestively, making Bella and Alice laugh.

My eyes narrowed suspiciously before I grinned. "Are you and Emmett…? I trailed off.

"Frequently," she said with a nod.

That didn't surprise me very much, but Carlisle and I were different. It wasn't that I had never thought about it. I had several times in fact, and I very much wanted to, but there had been so much else standing in our way. Our relationship was not like Emmett and Rose's. They were the picture of first love. I had a lot of baggage that thankfully no longer plagued me, but still made for slower progress.

"Don't tell us you don't want to, Esme," Bella said. "I won't believe that for a second with the way you two look at each other."

"We're taking our relationship at our own pace," I replied cryptically, not really wanting to talk about it.

I should have known my answer wouldn't be good enough.

"Meaning?" Alice prompted.

I rolled my eyes. "Meaning why are you girls so nosy? Honestly, Carlisle's your boss."

"Okay, we'll drop it," Rose said quickly, holding her hands up in surrender. "I can tell you're uncomfortable."

"I am fine," I said. "I'm just not sure Carlisle would be very comfortable with me discussing that part of our life so openly."

"So there _is_ something worth discussing." Bella's eyes brimmed with mischief, and her voice was full of triumph.

I sighed, defeated. They had me, and they knew it. "Not as such, but yes, I want there to be."

They all smiled, pleased to have finally gotten a direct answer out of me. "What holds you back?" Alice asked.

"I don't think anything does anymore, and I know he feels the same way." I grinned, as I recalled the heated kisses we had shared in the park. "That much was obvious when we were in the tree the other day."

Three curious voices spoke at the same time. "What tree?"

"We were at the park next to the cemetery, and things became a little… intimate on the swings. I took us somewhere more private."

Rose choked on her tea. "And you said there was nothing to discuss."

"There isn't," I insisted. "We simply forgot that people could see us. I don't want prying eyes watching me kiss him."

"Fair enough," she said. "I can't say I thought the two of you would wait this long, but that's entirely your business."

I narrowed my eyes at her for the second time that day. "What do you mean by that?"

"I mean that you know better than most how precious life can be, especially during war. I realize Carlisle is a doctor, but there is still a risk of him being called away. Why wait when you can't possibly know what the next morning might bring?"

I leaned back in my seat and studied her for a moment. She had a point. And in true Rose style she didn't sugar coat it one bit. She spoke the truth as she saw it. She always had, and she never felt bad about telling me something I needed to hear, no matter how hard it might be to accept.

"You're right," I said. "I've never admitted it, but in the back of my mind, my decision to wait with Charles has weighed heavily on me. It often feels like we wasted so much time-"

"Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute," Bella interrupted, placing her palms flat on the table and leaning forward, her eyes wide with surprise. "You and Charles never…"

I shook my head. "No. We came very, very close, but no. I always thought we had all the time in the world. It turns out we didn't."

"You regret that now, don't you?"

Rose's words were firm, and so was the emotion behind them. Rose could read me better than anyone, including Carlisle. We were so deeply connected that if something caused me pain, it caused her pain. And while it wasn't high on the list of regrets I had, not being fully intimate with Charles was still on that list.

"I do," I replied with a sigh.

Alice took my hand and squeezed it. "I do too," she said. "I wanted Jasper so badly, but I kept thinking we had all the time in the world when he came back. What if he doesn't?" Her voice broke as she spoke. "I should have taken your story as an example."

I was out of my chair before she finished speaking, and wrapped my arms around her. "No, Alice, sweetie, please don't think like that. Every life is different, and every circumstance has a different outcome. You can't start thinking like that. Please?"

She laughed quietly at my display, and patted my back. "Okay," she agreed. "You're right. We all need to be optimistic. Where's the fun in being sad?"

I took my seat again, and then three sets of eyes turned to Bella. She looked directly at me and grinned before speaking.

"I'm not telling you if I slept with your brother."

Rose burst into laughter, and I couldn't help but join her. Bella was just like Rose – never sugar-coating anything.

"I don't want to know, Bella," I said. "Believe me, I don't want to know."

"So, are you seeing Carlisle tomorrow?" Alice asked, changing the subject.

"Yes," I replied with a nod. "We're spending the day together again. He won't tell me what we're doing, though. He says it's a surprise."

"That should be interesting," Rose said as we paid our bills and made our way across the street to the small theater.

We found seats easily, despite it being a weekend afternoon. There were several families around, and a few couples, but everyone was quiet when the newsreel began.

It was never easy for me to watch the black and white images of war flicker across the screen. Every time it felt like there had been another massive battle, another body count that I couldn't even fathom. Anytime news came out of the Pacific my heart skipped a beat and rose into my throat.

I couldn't even enjoy the movie because my mind was busy replaying every word we had heard from Edward since he had been gone. The images I had seen – ships being bombed, planes going down – all of flashed in front of my eyes as the words from each of Edward's letters ran though my head.

An hour later when we stepped out into the sunlight, it felt like walking into a different world. I couldn't even remember any details from the film we had seen.

"Esme, are you all right?" Rose asked.

"Yes, I'm fine. Why?"

"Nothing. You just look a little pale."

"I just have a small headache, Rose. I'm fine."

She nodded and let it go. I had a feeling she knew that I wasn't fine, but Rose knew better than to press the matter.

"You should get home. You need to rest if you're going out with Carlisle tomorrow."

"That's probably a good idea," I said, relieved at the thought of crawling into my bed and forgetting all the things that constantly troubled me.

**oOoOoOo**

The next morning I stood on the porch, waiting for Carlisle to pick me up at the time he said he would. Before I knew it, Emmett's car was pulling up the driveway, Carlisle smiling in the driver's seat.

I quickly slipped into the passenger side without waiting for him to get out and open the door for me. I was too happy to see him to wait. I leaned over to kiss him hello, loving the way he tasted like mouthwash and stale coffee. The taste was uniquely him, and I relished in it.

"You seem to be in a good mood today," he said with a laugh as we drove down the driveway and onto the main road.

"I am," I replied. "So where are we going?"

He shrugged in a way that told me he was enjoying his secret too much to give it up quite yet. "Just for a little drive… Around the whole island."

My eyes widened. "Really?"

"Well the weather has been so good lately, I figured it would be nice to get out and explore the island with you. I told you I hadn't seen much of it since I've been stationed here, and who better than a beautiful native islander to show me around."

I blushed and smiled at his compliment as I turned in my seat to face him. Something in the back caught my eye. It was a worn wicker basket and an old blanket.

"A picnic?" I asked.

"For lunch," he replied. "Emmett assured me there are many spots off the road that are good for a rest and a quick lunch, along with some sightseeing."

Carlisle rolled the windows down as he drove us onto the main road that ran around the outer edge of the island. The wind blowing through my hair and the warmth of the sun on my face brought back memories of happier times.

I could still remember the first time I had been driven around the island. It was the day my father bought his first Model-T. He was so excited to show us what it could do, he ushered us into the truck and took us on a tour of the island. Edward and I rode in the back since there was no room in the front. I smiled at the memory of being such a young girl, hair in two fishtail braids, wind blowing all around, dirt all over my pretty white dress, and not a care in the world.

"What has you smiling so beautifully?" Carlisle's question brought me back to the present, on an equally wonderful day, in a more complicated time.

"I was remembering when my father bought his first truck," I explained. "It was like someone had handed him the world's largest candy bar." I laughed and shook my head as I remembered his expression and enthusiasm. "He was so excited. He piled us all inside and drove us around the island."

"I love your family, Esme," Carlisle said with a wistful grin, full of longing.

I took his hand and held it in my lap. "You're already one of them, you know. My parents adore you. Every day my father is just as anxious as I am for you to visit. And my mother loves getting the opportunity to cook for you, even though there isn't much to cook anymore."

He rubbed my palm with his thumb. "It will get better, Esme. I promise. One day things will be better."

_Would it be?_Most days it seemed like the war would never be over, and we would always be like this. Stuck in a feeling of fear and uncertainty.

"There's more bad news coming out of Europe every day," I said. "Even though the US is involved now. How can it ever get better if this never ends?"

"I hate that you worry so much." His voice was pained. I didn't like that my fear hurt him, but I couldn't help it. "I know it seems impossible to believe," he continued, "but no war can go on forever, and our troops are just now beginning to see real battles. I think the tide will turn soon. I'm not saying it will be easy, but I believe it'll be over before we know it."

"You really think so?"

He nodded, and I scooted over on the seat and pulled my legs up, folding them beneath me. His arm came up around my shoulder, and I snuggled into his side as we wound our way up the road.

"I wish I could share your optimism," I said quietly.

"It's hard for me not to be optimistic in a place like this," he said. "I mean, look at this." He used the arm around my shoulder to gesture at the view. We were on the eastern side of the island now, and the water seemed to stretch on forever. "It's beautiful."

"I would like to see where you're from," I told him. "I want to see real forests, and different trees, and even snow."

"One day I'll take you there, Esme. One day we'll go. And you can even throw snowballs at me if you want."

I laughed and playfully shoved his chest. "I hope you intend to keep all these promises you've been making."

"You'll see, Esme. I'll give you everything you want someday." He turned and tenderly kissed my temple.

"You'd better keep your eyes on the road, Doctor Cullen."

He laughed lightly, the sound warming my heart as I thought of the promise he had made.

"It's almost noon," he observed after several minutes. "I wonder where we should pull over to eat."

I looked around. The landscape was vaguely familiar. I thought there was a small town nearby, meaning there would be places coming up where we could park the car and eat.

"Look," I said. "Right there." I pointed at a small dirt area off the road where it was obvious people parked often. There was a well-worn trail winding into the trees that grew along the small ridge beside the road.

Carlisle pulled over and stopped the car while I reached behind me and grabbed the blanket and picnic basket.

"Have you been here before?" he asked as he came around the car to open my door.

"Maybe," I said. "I can't remember exactly, but all of this looks familiar."

We had chosen a beautiful spot, and there wasn't a chance that anyone would bother us. It was rare to see cars on the road anymore. I suspected Emmett was only able to get gas in his car because he was military. Most people around the island where simply learning to do without.

Carlisle climbed onto the small ridge and reached down to take the basket from me, before extending his hand to help me step up beside him. It was only a few feet off the road, but the land on the other side was empty and the view of the ocean was spectacular. The trees were thick behind us, but the ground was perfect to spread the blanket out and relax for a while.

"Come on," Carlisle said, leading me to a spot just behind the first row of trees.

It was the perfect spot. We would be able to keep an eye on the car, just in case, but no one would be able to see us. It was the perfect amount of privacy.

I spread the blanket on the ground as Carlisle sat and began reaching into the basket. I took a seat across from him and folded my legs beneath me. My eyes widened as he placed two wonderful looking sandwiches between us. Next came a roll of crackers and a block of cheese, and I almost gasped in shock when a small baggie of homemade cookies was placed beside the cheese.

"How did you get all this, Carlisle?"

"Shh, sweetheart. I saved the best for last."

He grinned, and reached into the basket one last time, pulling out two bottles of Coca-Cola.

"Oh my God! Carlisle, where on earth did you get those?"

"I can't take much of the credit," he said. "Your mother was rather insistent that she provide the lunch. She was even more insistent that she should bake the cookies. The sodas, however, were all Emmett. I have no idea how he did it. I was afraid to ask."

I stared at the two bottles, unable to speak. It had been months since I had felt the smooth creamy texture of a soda slip down my throat. It didn't even matter that there was no way they were frozen. Coca-Cola was one of the things I had begun to doubt I would ever see again.

"They'll be warm," Carlisle said. "But-"

I held my hand up to stop him, and before I knew it I was crawling across the blanket and throwing my arms around his neck.

"This is so perfect, Carlisle. I love you so much."

He chuckled and rubbed my back. "I love you too, sweetheart. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you, even acquiring sodas through possibly questionable means."

I laughed and kissed his cheek before moving back to my spot on the blanket.

I opened my soda carefully and took a sip, groaning at the sweet taste.

Carlisle smiled as he watched me. "What's so amusing?" I asked.

He shrugged. "You. How long has it been since you had one?" He gestured to the soda.

"Far too long. In fact, it's been far too long since I've had anything here. I can't believe you got all of this."

He cut a slice of cheese, set it on a cracker, and handed it to me.

"This is delicious," I said after taking a bite.

It shouldn't have felt strange to me to be able to enjoy a picnic with someone I loved, but it did.

Between the both of us we ate all the food quite quickly, but it seemed we were both trying to savor the sodas as long as possible.

I had no idea when we would have this opportunity again; I wanted it to last.

I watched with a smile as Carlisle leaned against the tree behind him after packing up our picnic. He looked more relaxed than he had in a while as he lazily finished his soda. His legs were stretched out in front of him, crossed at the ankles, and he watched the waves crash against the rocks on the other side of the road.

His eyes found mine and he smirked at having caught me staring. "See anything you like, darling?"

I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth and nodded. He opened his arm and gestured to me. "Come here, Esme. I don't like you being so far away when it is so unnecessary."

I didn't need to be told twice. I crawled across the blanket and into the circle of his arms. My lips met his immediately, unwilling to let a single part of myself be away from him. He groaned and opened his mouth, allowing me entrance as I ran my tongue over his bottom lip, gently teasing him.

His hands circled my waist, holding me against him and forcing me to straddle his lap in order to face him. I was glad the row of trees in front of us gave us privacy. This was not something I wanted any passing motorists to witness.

My hands cupped his face, and I tilted my head to deepen the kiss further. I could feel the warmth of his fingers through the thin material of my dress, and I was suddenly overcome by the desire to feel them on my bare skin.

I pulled back, breathless, and leaned my forehead against his. He smiled beautifully and brought one hand up to smooth my hair.

"I love doing that," I whispered.

He touched his lips to mine once before responding. "So do I, Esme. I would kiss you all day if I could."

"We could, you know. We could stay out here forever like this."

He hummed and closed his eyes, a soft smile playing on his lips. "It sounds wonderful, doesn't it?"

I nodded and settled myself closer to him in his lap. It was hard to miss the obvious effect our kiss had on him, and though it wasn't unexpected I still gasped.

He captured my lips quickly, and placed each of his hands on my hips, pulling me into him.

"That is what you do to me, Esme," he said, breaking the kiss. His voice was hard and passionate, but it held an undercurrent of his inherent gentleness. "Does it frighten you?"

I shook my head. "Not even a little bit, Doctor Cullen. I want you more than I think you know." To punctuate my statement, I ground myself against him once more, eliciting a deep moan from his perfect lips.

"You are, without a doubt, the most amazing woman in the world, Esme. What did I ever do to deserve you?"

I peppered his face with soft kisses as I continued to rock against him. His head fell to my shoulder as his grip on my waist tightened.

His eyes were closed, and he licked his lips as I threaded my fingers through his hair. We were so close I could feel his heart beating rapidly against my breast. He turned his head and began placing feather light kisses on the skin of my neck. Never had I been more grateful that Hawaii's weather allowed me to wear a scoop neck dress in November.

The combination of his soft lips against my skin and the breeze blowing over each spot he kissed was exhilarating. I ran my hands over the hard muscles of his back, wishing I could feel the skin beneath.

He moved his hands to help me lay down on the blanket. Sharp blades of grass poked through the threads, tickling my back. Carlisle didn't miss a beat as he moved over me and returned his mouth to my neck. He switched between lightly trailing his lips over my shoulder, and leaving open mouthed kisses on the curve of my neck.

I let my hands wander down his back till I came to his waist. I quickly pulled his shirt up, and trailed my hands up his back underneath it.

"Ah, Esme," he whispered in my ear. His breathing was uneven and his eyes were desperate when he brought my mouth to his.

"Is this okay?" I asked, not wanting to overstep any boundaries.

"It's perfect, sweetheart. You're perfect."

His lips moved to the hollow of my throat and kissed a path to the top of my dress and back up. I gasped and dug my nails into his back when he began sucking on my neck.

"Esme… We should stop." His voice was raspy and his words broke as he ground his hips into me.

Stopping was the last thing I wanted to do, and it didn't feel like he truly wanted to either.

"I don't want to stop, Carlisle."

He rolled off me and pulled me into his arms beside him on the blanket. "I don't either, but, darling, I can't… protect you right now." His eyes were pleading, begging me to understand what his lips didn't want to say.

He didn't want to tell me he didn't have a condom with him. In the back of my mind I knew there was no way he had one; we hadn't planned this. That didn't make stopping any easier, though.

I nodded. "You're right, Carlisle. I'm sorry."

He rubbed my jaw with his thumb and brought his lips to mine. "Never apologize for what we just did. I just want to do this right, sweetheart. We need to talk about it."

"Alright," I agreed. I bit my lip, wondering how to proceed. "Have you… Have you ever…" I couldn't even ask.

He grinned. "No, Esme. Never."

My eyes widened. "Really?"

"Does that surprise you?"

"I don't honestly know. I just thought with you being in the military, you get moved around a lot. That provides a lot of opportunities, does it not?"

"It does," he said. "I guess you could say I've been waiting for someone who meant everything to me."

I smiled and kissed him softly. "And that's me?"

"Always, Esme. Only you. I want it to be perfect for you. That is, if you want this at all."

He looked at me with such hope I nearly laughed. I had just been on my back beneath him, with my hands under his shirt. I wanted him. There was no doubt about that.

"Of course I do. I believe I even told you so earlier," I said, remembering the moment I had first encountered his erection when I was in his lap.

He laughed quietly. "So you did. I might have become distracted and forgotten. Can you forgive me?"

"If you can forgive me for nearly being unwilling to stop."

"One day we won't stop, Esme."

I loved the sound of that idea.

"Which brings me to something I hate to ask, but need to know," he continued.

I ran my fingers through his hair soothingly. "You know you can always ask me anything. We're in this relationship together, Carlisle. There are no secrets."

"I told you about my lack of experience. I need to know if you've ever-"

"Never," I said, cutting him off. I took a deep breath before continuing. "I have come close, though."

He nodded and looked down. "Of course."

I put my finger under his chin and lifted his face to mine. I leaned forward and kissed him with all the love I felt for him, praying that he understood all that I was trying to say.

"Carlisle," I whispered. "Remember what you said to me in the cemetery about feeling like you were competing with another man for my love?"

He nodded, but remained silent.

"And remember I told you that you had me forever? My heart is yours alone, Carlisle. I don't want you to start doubting that again. Yes I have been touched by a man before, but that doesn't devalue the things I want to give you. I'm not inexperienced, but I am a virgin. You will be the person I give that gift to, and I wouldn't want to share it with anyone else. I mean that, Carlisle. Please believe me."

"I do, Esme. Believe me, I know." His voice conveyed the truth of his words. He did not doubt my love. I was sorry for even thinking such a thing, no matter how briefly.

We sat up, and kissed slowly, so tenderly it made my heart ache. He was so different now than he was just a short time ago – so tender. I smiled against his lips as I thought of the way he had so fully let himself go with me. We were both nearly unable to stop. But, as he pointed out, it was good that we had stopped ourselves for now. There would be a perfect time, and I could wait for that.

"I suppose we should continue our drive," he said as we broke apart. "We haven't even seen half the island yet."

"We should," I agreed. I loved his natural curiosity and desire to learn all he could about everything around him. I had traveled Oahu's worn roads many times in my life, but Carlisle had yet to see much past Pearl Harbor. Wherever he wanted to go, I was more than happy to follow.

I bundled the blanket in my arms while Carlisle grabbed the picnic basket, and we made our way back to the car. Once inside I again tucked myself under his arm on the seat beside him. Only this time, I spread the blanket across my legs, grinning when Carlisle laughed.

"Why the blanket?" he asked.

I shrugged, looking down and picking at a loose thread. "It's comfortable."

We drove in silence for a while; enjoying each other's quiet company and watching the scenery go by.

It wasn't long before we came into a small town. Carlisle pulled into a small gas station that only had one pump working. He filled up the car while I walked to a small cart that was full of fruit being sold by a tiny native Hawaiian woman.

I smiled as I picked up two guavas and a pineapple. I told her to keep the change, to which she responded _Ke Akua pu a hui hou_, blessing me. I smiled as I carried the fruit back to the car, glad that I was able to help her.

"Fruit?" Carlisle asked curiously.

"You like the pineapple," I said. "The guava reminds me of my brother."

He rubbed my shoulder as we resumed our trip, the gentle motion making me drowsy. I laid my head on his shoulder and played with one of the buttons on his shirt as I thought about my brother.

"I wonder what he's doing right now."

"I don't know," Carlisle said. "Perhaps he's looking at this same ocean, just as we are."

I smiled at the image he painted in my mind. It would be wonderful if Edward was able to steal a few moments to himself to look to the east and think of home – just as we constantly thought of him.

On the western side of the island, Carlisle pulled off the road again, only this time we were on the side that touched the water. He drove onto the sand and parked the car. I climbed out and looked at the wheels suspiciously.

"We won't get stuck, will we?"

His eyes followed the same path as mine. "No," he said. "We shouldn't."

He reached into the car and pulled out a pair of aviators, slipping them on. I had never seen him in sunglasses before. I felt the fleeting need to push him onto the hood of the car and climb on top of him.

As if he could read my mind, he turned to me and with a smirk, slipped his hands around my waist and lifted me onto the hood. He kissed me hard, not caring what anyone saw. I couldn't even think of being embarrassed. We were two people who loved each other and I wanted the world to know. He pulled back, smiling, and climbed onto the hood beside me. He lied down and pulled me into his arms beside him.

"Thank you for today, Esme," he said. "Everything was amazing."

I turned and kissed his neck, loving the stubble that was starting to grow on his jaw. "I love you," I said. "Today was wonderful."

The sun was just beginning to set as we laid there on the hood of Emmett's car for what seemed like an eternity, listening to the waves crash onto the sand.

He sighed. "We should get back on the road. I want to visit your family for at least a little while before I have to be back on base."

I kissed him one last time before reluctantly climbing back into the car, hating the sound the engine made as Carlisle started the ignition. I didn't want this day to ever end, but now we were on the final stretch of our outing.

I often forgot just how small an island Oahu was. Before long the scenery changed and I saw the unmistakable rise of buildings on the horizon, signaling we were drawing close to Honolulu. By the time we pulled into the driveway the sun was still high enough to afford Carlisle some time before he needed to leave.

A contented smile played on my lips as I thought over the wonderful day we had shared.

I climbed out of the car just as my father came out of the house and walked toward me. My heart sank instantly, and my contentment turned to fear, coating me in an icy feeling of dread. Something about his defeated expression told me something was very, very wrong.

Carlisle came around the front of the car and took my hand, squeezing it reassuringly. It did nothing to calm the rapid speed of my thoughts as I watched my father approach.

There were no warm greetings, no hugs – nothing but a pained expression, and a white-knuckled hand gripping an official looking letter.

Nothing but the only words I never wanted to hear.

"It's Edward, sweetie. He's been wounded."

* * *

**Kalaiwa means 'drive'.**

**Thank you to Mackenzie L. and kr2009 for their input.**

**This story, Shattered, ABGC, and Le Mascherata have all been nominated for several Hopeless Romantic Awards. The full list and link to the site is on my profile. So many amazing stories are nominated!**

**I was so happy to see several new reviewers last time! Thank you all so much, and again this time, reviewers get a preview of the next chapter. **


	15. Mokulele

**Grab a tissue for this one.**

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to their respective owners. The author of this story in no way profits from its use or distribution.**

* * *

_Brothers and sisters are as close as hands and feet._

_~Vietnamese Proverb_

* * *

I stood frozen in the driveway, unable to process my father's words. It was like a fog had settled over my brain, and nothing could get through. I was vaguely aware of a hand holding mine and voices talking quietly nearby.

Their words couldn't reach me. All I could think of was my brother. Something was wrong. Something had happened to him. He was thousands of miles away, he was hurt, and I wasn't there to comfort him.

"Esme, honey," a voice whispered in my ear. A hand squeezed mine, and lips kissed my temple.

I hesitantly looked up to see Carlisle watching me, his face filled with worry. "Darling, are you okay?"

I shook my head, trying to clear it. I had to ground myself somehow – remind myself that I needed to find out what happened, and what would happen now.

"I'm fine," I said as my head began to clear. It felt unnatural to be just standing there in the driveway so calmly when I had no idea where my brother was or what had happened to him.

"We should go inside," my father said.

His words awoke something in me, fully snapping me out of my haze. _My mother._ She had to be falling apart. I needed to be with her, and then I needed to hear whatever my father knew. That was all that mattered.

I released Carlisle's hand and flew up the porch steps and into the house. I heard Carlisle and my father follow behind me when I entered the sitting room.

My mother was sitting curled up on the corner of the sofa, a wad of tissues in her hand and tears flowing freely down her cheeks. I stopped in my tracks and felt Carlisle's hand on my shoulder. I looked up into his eyes, and felt the tears begin to form in mine. I tried to fight them back, wanting to be strong for my mother, but I couldn't. Edward was my baby brother. I didn't know what would happen to me if I lost him.

Carlisle rubbed my shoulder soothingly and leaned in to whisper in my ear and kiss a tear away from my cheek. "You need to go to her, Esme, but don't hide your own pain. She needs to know someone else understands how badly she's hurting."

I nodded and rubbed his hand with mine to show I understood. I slowly made my way to the couch and wrapped my arms around her. I didn't say a word, but I felt her calm slightly under my touch.

She gripped my arm, but her sobs faded as I soothed her.

"He's hurt, Esme," she whispered. "My baby boy…"

"I know, Mother," I said. "We need to get to him, though, wherever he is. Okay?"

She nodded and lifted her head from my shoulder. My father came over and wrapped his arm around my shoulder in a hug, whispering his thanks in my ear.

I moved to the other sofa where Carlisle joined me and clasped my hand in his. I watched, fascinated, as my father gently rubbed my mother's arm and whispered to her briefly, before kissing her cheek and taking a seat next to her. I had always adored watching the love my parents shared, and it was more evident than ever now. Just his presence beside her calmed my mother more than any words could. I fervently hoped Carlisle and I would have that one day.

My eyes found my father's and drifted down to the letter still clutched in his hands. Now that I could see it clearly I noticed it wasn't a letter at all, but a telegram.

"What happened?" I asked.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, almost as if he needed to compose himself before he could verbalize the last several hours.

"Two men from the base came to the house. They brought this," he said, holding up the telegram. "His ship was hit by a torpedo and Edward was injured. He and several others were brought back to the mainland to one of the military hospitals, and that's where he is now."

So many thoughts ran through my head at such a rapid pace it seemed as if the room was spinning. The one thing that stood out was the fact my brother was close. He was on the mainland and in a hospital. I needed to get to him.

I looked up to see my father watching me with concern. "I know it's a lot to take in, pumpkin-"

"Can we go to him?" I interrupted.

"Yes, Esme. We're leaving as soon as possible."

"How soon is that?"

He opened his mouth to respond, but shut it again. His gaze flickered to Carlisle for a moment before he finally spoke.

"That depends. I was actually hoping Carlisle might be willing to accompany us," he said, quickly directing his gaze to Carlisle. "If you want to, and if your superiors allow it, of course. I would be put more at ease having you there since you are a medical professional, but also because I'm sure it would mean a great deal to my daughter."

I squeezed Carlisle's hand and looked up at him. He was stunned. That much was obvious. I never expected my father to make such a request, and it was clear that Carlisle had not expected it either. His eyes found mine, and without looking away, he answered my father.

"I would be honored to accompany you." He reluctantly broke our gaze to meet my father's eyes. "I will speak to my commanding officer in the morning. I cannot promise that he will not say no, but I will see if I can get permission."

"Thank you," I whispered, leaning close and resting my head on his shoulders. I was terrified to see what happened to my brother with my own eyes, but if Carlisle was there I knew it would be a little easier.

**oOoOoOo**

No one slept that night.

Carlisle never left my side. He sat in the library with me all night, helping distract me with reading. In the hour after the talk with my father, I tried to convince Carlisle to go back to the base and get some sleep, but he didn't want to leave me. Eventually the sun set and my father insisted he stay, not wanting him to fall under any kind of suspicion for being out after curfew.

Father had several friends on base he said he would talk to if anyone gave Carlisle trouble for being AWOL all night. It was agreed that Carlisle would go to his commanding officer's office the next morning, explain the situation, and request temporary leave. He assured me he didn't foresee a problem since they had brought two new doctors onto the base, but I was skeptical.

I sat on the long sofa in the library all night, wrapped in Carlisle's arms, wondering how such a wonderful day had gone so wrong so fast. It had been a long time since I had felt as free as I did on our impromptu journey around the island.

_I should have known it was too good to be true._

Reality crashed down on me with three simple words.

I had been out, enjoying my life, while my brother was confined to a bed in a hospital. I had no idea the full extent of his injuries. I had no idea how much pain he was in. I didn't even know how long he had been there before we received word.

The officers who had informed my father of Edward's condition didn't have all the information we wanted. There was still so much we were in the dark about. We only knew where he was and that we needed to get there.

My father took my mother to bed early, assuring her that she would regret it in the morning if she didn't at least try to sleep.

I knew I wouldn't get any sleep, and even though Carlisle could end up in enormous trouble for being gone all night, I was glad he was with me. I didn't want to face the sleepless night alone.

The sunrise found us stretched out on the sofa with me lying on Carlisle's chest and his hand absentmindedly stroking my hair. I felt like I wasn't really there, and I was sure I might have fallen asleep. I could hear soft voices, but they sounded as if they were coming through a tunnel. The rumble of Carlisle's chest told me one of the voices was his, and the other softer one had to be my mother.

I desperately wanted to open my eyes to make sure she was all right, but the soothing motion of Carlisle's fingers in my hair and my comfortable position on his chest made me want to stay the way we were forever.

Before long the voices stopped, and Carlisle gently pushed a piece of hair back from my face.

"Esme," he whispered. "Darling, you need to wake up. Your father made breakfast and has travel plans finalized."

I opened my eyes slowly and lifted my head from his chest. I suspected I had fallen asleep, and seeing Carlisle's drowsy expression confirmed it. He looked like he hadn't slept in days. He was more concerned for me.

"Did you sleep?" I asked him.

He shook his head and kissed my forehead. "No, beautiful, but I'm glad you did."

"How long did I sleep?"

"You got about an hour of solid sleep, but you dozed off several other times during the night."

"I did? Why didn't you tell me?"

"You needed sleep, Esme."

"So did you," I pointed out. "And you didn't get any."

"I'm fine," he insisted. "I'll have some of the coffee your father made, and I'll be fine. I need to get back on base as soon as possible, though. I need to apologize, and make my request."

I nodded and stood up slowly, taking Carlisle's hand and walking downstairs.

The smell of eggs and bacon wafted through the house, making me realize just how hungry I was. My mother sat at the table, her eyes far away and her fingers nervously clutching a fork that had yet to touch the plate in front of her. She smiled when she saw us, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"Good morning, Mother," I said, kissing her on the cheek. "Did you get any sleep?"

"Yes, darling, thank you. Did you?"

"Carlisle says I did."

Her eyes found Carlisle as I sat down beside him and her sad expression softened into adoration. "Thank you for staying last night," she said. "Knowing that my little girl was cared for helped me a great deal."

Carlisle smiled shyly as he sipped his coffee. "It was nothing, Mrs. Masen. I wouldn't have left her after such a shock."

"But, dear, you could be in so much trouble," she said.

He nodded, suddenly turning serious. "You all are like family to me, and family comes first. I won't deny, though, that I am risking a lot. I need to return to the base and straighten things out."

I walked Carlisle to the car once we finished breakfast.

"Good luck," I told him. "I hate the thought of you being in trouble because of me."

"I don't," he assured me, bringing his hand up to cup my chin. "You're worth the consequences."

He kissed me gently and climbed into the car. "I'll let you know what they say as soon as I can."

"I'll be waiting," I told him.

With a final wave he backed down the driveway and drove away. I bowed my head and said a silent prayer that everything would work out.

I walked back into the house and nearly walked straight into my father. "Will you talk with me in the study for a moment?" he asked.

"Of course," I said, wondering what on earth had happened now.

I followed him into his office, and he shut the door. He sat down behind his desk, leaned back, and took his glasses off, pinching the bridge of his nose. In the chaos of the last fourteen hours I had barely given a second thought to how my father was feeling. Looking at him now it was almost like he had aged ten years in the course of a single night.

"We leave this evening," he said when he finally looked at me. "If Carlisle is able to come it won't be a problem."

I breathed a sigh of relief at the news that we would see Edward so soon.

"What I wanted to talk to you about, Esme, is that because you were so preoccupied with your own shock over what has happened, I took the liberty of calling your friend, Bella."

I sucked in a breath. I hadn't even thought of Bella once.

"She's going to come with us," he continued. "I've already paid her travel expenses. She insists on repaying the debt, but I won't accept. This is something I can do for her, knowing Edward will want to see her."

I nodded, grateful that my father had thought of all the things I hadn't.

**oOoOoOo**

An hour later Bella arrived. She held one duffel bag, which she dropped to the floor as soon as she saw me, and fell into my arms. Bella was always so tough and snarky. Seeing her broken and crying in my arms wasn't something I ever expected. She cared for my brother immensely, and though we all knew this was a possibility, nothing could prepare her for facing the moment.

We sat down in the sitting room to wait for word from Carlisle. Her eyes widened when I explained to her that he hadn't returned to base last night, and that he was now speaking to his superiors about possibly accompanying us to the mainland.

"Oh, Esme, he could be in so much trouble!" Her eyes filled with tears again, and I reached out to rub her shoulder.

"I know," I said. "He tried to hide it, but I could tell he fears their reaction too. He knows the potential consequences, and I know he could be denied his request."

"It would devastate him if he couldn't be there for you," she said quietly.

"I'm more worried about you right now, Bella. Are you okay?"

She nodded and tried to smile. "I'm fine. I just hate the thought of Edward being alone in a hospital bed wondering if we even know he's there."

I knew exactly what she meant. It was an image I had been unable to shake from my mind.

The sound of gravel crunching in the driveway made me jump up from the couch and run to the window. I grabbed Bella's hand and flew out the door, not even caring that it slammed behind us. Carlisle stepped out of the back of the cab as we walked down the steps to meet him.

He looked exhausted. I frowned, thinking about everything that was weighing on him. He hadn't gotten any sleep in twenty-four hours, and had possibly incurred the wrath of his commanding officer by staying with me overnight. I hated to think of my responsibility in the situation if he was to face a court martial. He would hate for me to feel at fault, but I couldn't help it.

He paid the driver and turned to face me. Without any hesitation, I released Bella's hand and rushed into his arms, needing to hold him. No matter what happened, I needed to know he loved me and wasn't angry with me for causing the mess I had gotten him into.

He buried his face in my hair and held me tight, rocking me back and forth for several moments before speaking.

"I love you, Esme," he whispered into my neck.

I pulled back and cupped his face in my hands, examining his expression. He leaned in to my gentle touch and closed his eyes.

"How did it go?" I asked quietly.

He reached for my hand and took it in his to lead me to the house.

"Let's talk inside. I need to talk to your father as well so we might as well all discuss the situation in the sitting room."

The three of us walked up the steps and into the house. My father was already waiting for us, seemingly unsurprised that Carlisle had returned. I was curious about his reaction because had my worst fear played out I would have received a phone call stating that Carlisle's request was denied and he was facing legal consequences. The fact that my father appeared to be expecting Carlisle's return made me wonder if he knew something he wasn't telling me.

We took our seats after Carlisle hugged Bella, whispering something to her that I couldn't make out. She was much more relaxed now than when she first arrived, reminding me of the night before when I had been so frightened until Carlisle calmed me down.

It was only then, when we took our seats, that I saw Carlisle was carrying a bag.

_How had I not noticed it before?_

I looked at him hopefully, but he just smiled and turned to my father.

"I trust everything went smoothly then?" he asked.

"Yes," Carlisle replied. "I was reprimanded, but I will not face a court martial. I loathed the thought of using your influence, but it helped me avoid trouble so that I could be back here with Esme. For that I'm grateful."

Father simply nodded, lost in thought, but he smiled widely.

My jaw dropped open as I began to see the connection.

"Wait a minute," I said pointing to my father. "You talked to someone didn't you, someone on base? To help him stay out of trouble."

Father shrugged. "I merely mentioned to a friend in the admiralty that Carlisle's presence had been very beneficial to my family last night."

"And?" I prompted, knowing that couldn't be the only thing he said.

He rubbed the back of his neck in an uncharacteristically nervous manner. "And I may have also mentioned that it would be very much appreciated if Carlisle were granted temporary leave."

I rolled my eyes and sank back against the sofa. "He can fight his own battles," I said.

"Would you rather he be court marshaled, Esme? Would you rather he face prison time for choosing to stay with someone who needed him last night?"

"It wasn't a choice! He could have been accused of spying if he'd been seen out so late!"

The room when silent as my father stared at me with his eyes narrowed. I didn't care that he was angry with me for lashing out at him, and I was grateful that Carlisle would receive no more than a reprimand, but I couldn't help how upset I was that he had interfered.

The tension in the room was thick, and it was several moments before the sound of Carlisle clearing his throat broke the silence.

"Esme," he said, reaching for my hand, "Honey, what your father did ensured that I will be able to accompany you to the mainland. I will forever be thankful for the good word he put in for me, and I am grateful he considers me worthy of such a thing. Please don't be angry with him."

His eyes were pleading, and his hand squeezed mine as he smiled gently.

"You really get to come?" I asked.

"Yes," he replied with a nod. "For one week, and then I have to be back."

I breathed a sigh of relief. I knew it when I saw the bag he had with him, but hearing the words made it concrete.

Carlisle was coming with us.

**oOoOoOo**

Two hours later we were boarding a plane that would take us to Arkansas. I had been on a DC-4 before, and it was always a little frightening, but this time I had Carlisle with me. I was calm and collected as we took our seats. There was none of the natural hesitation I usually felt when flying across the Pacific.

Carlisle held my hand as the plane taxied down the runway, and once we were airborne, I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes, drifting off to sleep. The knowledge that we would soon be with Edward helped me rest easy.

When I woke a little while later the world outside was dark. I knew it had to be the middle of the night already. The first thing I saw was Bella motioning for me to stay still. She moved to the seat in front of mine and whispered to me that Carlisle was asleep. I carefully moved out from beneath his arm and turned to see him resting his head against the back of the seat, eyes closed and breathing deeply.

I smiled, glad he was finally getting some well deserved rest. I kissed his cheek and placed a blanket over him before getting up to sit next to Bella.

"How long have we been in the air?" I asked.

"A few hours. I slept for a while too."

She was bouncing her leg nervously, and kept glancing out the window, like she was waiting for land to come into view.

"You're anxious," I said.

She nodded. "I am. I just want to see him; to see with my own eyes that he's alive."

"Me too, Bella. Me too."

"He's going to be okay, isn't he, Esme?"

I took her hand in mine and squeezed it reassuringly. "My brother is tough, Bella. He would never go down without one hell of a fight."

My comment brought a smile to her face, and she was able to relax for the rest of the flight.

We landed early in the morning in Hot Springs, Arkansas. I shivered involuntarily as soon as we stepped off the plane. I wasn't entirely prepared for the different climate. Carlisle took his jacket off and slipped it around my shoulders, pressing his lips to my temple as he helped me descend the steps from the plane.

We all climbed into the car that had been sent from the hospital, and twenty minutes later we pulled up in front of the largest building I had ever seen. I nearly forgot why I was there as I gazed up at the magnificent brick façade that stretched into the sky.

A large sign near the entrance read _Army and Navy General Hospital_.

A military official met us at the door and spoke to my father in hushed tones as we made our way to the third floor. He explained that Edward was in very bad shape, and that he was in a medically induced coma. As a result we would only be able to see him two at a time.

My mother and father went first while I sat with Bella, and Carlisle spoke with the doctor. I tried to assure Bella that we would see Edward soon, but her anxiety had returned. She bit her lip and tapped her foot against the floor as she looked around, her eyes distant like she wasn't really there at all. I knew she probably wasn't. Her heart and mind were already in my brother's room, and I knew nothing would calm her fears until she saw him with her own eyes.

It was exactly how I would have felt if it were Carlisle lying in a hospital bed all alone somewhere, and I was unable to be with him immediately.

The sound of a throat clearing pulled me from my thoughts.

I looked up to see Carlisle giving me a pointed look as the doctor disappeared around the corner. His eyes flickered to Bella before he gestured for me to follow him. I had the feeling he didn't want her to hear what he needed to tell me.

"He was on the North Carolina," he told me once we were around the corner. "They took a torpedo to the hull, and Edward was below decks." He sighed deeply before continuing, his eyes softening as he rubbed my arm. "There was a fire, Esme. I hate to have to tell you all this but you need to be prepared for what you'll see when you go in there. He's… He's not going to be the same brother you knew. Never again."

_A fire?_

I shuddered as I turned to look at the door to Edward's room, wondering what could possibly be on the other side.

I nodded and wrapped my arms around myself. "I know," I said.

He slipped his arms around my waist and rocked me back and forth while we waited.

My parents came out after several minutes, both with their heads down, looking somber. Silent tears streamed down my mother's cheeks.

I took a deep breath when my father nodded to me, and grabbed Bella's hand so we could go inside. Just outside the door I stopped and turned to her. I had no idea what to say, but she deserved to be warned just as I had been.

"Bella," I started, but she held up her hand.

"I know it isn't going to be good, Esme. I'm prepared. I promise."

I sighed but nodded, knowing she was right.

We walked into the sterile white room, and slowly made our way to the bed where Edward lay. His eyes were closed, almost as if he was asleep even though I knew he was in a coma.

He didn't look like my brother.

A large gash on the right side of his face was hidden by a large bandage, and the skin around the bandage was badly disfigured from the burns. His arm and one of his legs were both in casts, and I could see more burn marks underneath the gauze.

His other leg was... _gone_.

Nothing but a stub remained.

I felt faint as I looked at him. No sound could be heard until Bella's quiet sobs broke the stillness. My heart pounded in my ears, and the room swayed. I sank into a nearby chair, my head falling into my hands. I couldn't process what I was seeing.

No amount of warning could have prepared me for this.

* * *

**Mokulele means airplane.**

**Thank you to Mackenzie for editing and being so amazing and just in general putting up with me. And Kelley and Lauren for pre-reading and making me think about my writing in a different way.**

**This chapter requires some suspension of disbelief. In reality Carlisle would never have been granted temporary leave during wartime. I bent the rules a bit. **

**Some footnotes:**

A _DC-4_ is a _Douglas DC-4_ passenger airplane. They were produced between 1938 and 1942 when they were converted to a military transport plane.

The _Army and Navy General Hospital _is a real place in Hot Springs, AK. It was a military hospital that opened in 1887 and is still open to this day. In 1960 it was turned over to the state and was converted to a rehabilitation hospital.

The _USS North Carolina_ was commissioned on April 9th, 1941. It survived several Pacific battles, including a torpedo to the hull in September of 1942. The ship was decommissioned in June of 1947 and is presently a memorial harbored in Wilmington, NC.

**Reviewers get a teaser of the next chapter. If I don't reply right away it's because ****I'm under a tropical storm warning till Saturday morning and will probably not have power for a while.** As always thank you so much for reading. 


	16. Keiki Kane

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to their respective owners. The author of this story in no way profits from its use or distribution.**

* * *

"_**A tragedy need not have blood and death; it's enough that it all be filled with that majestic sadness that is the pleasure of tragedy."  
**__**~ Jean Racine**_

* * *

We stayed at the hospital for hours while my parents met with Edward's doctors and they explained the full extent of his injuries. He had been alert at the time of his transport from the ship to the mainland, but on the journey Gangrene had set in and tore through the tissue in his leg at a rapid rate.

They had no choice but to amputate the leg.

My mother was the first to break down upon hearing about what had brought her son to this point. My father wrapped his arms around her, and she cried into his shirt when the doctor explained the amount of tissue death that had occurred.

They didn't want to continue the discussion, aware of how upsetting it was to my mother, but she insisted she needed to hear everything.

We were then informed that as bad as the amputation was, the burns were more dangerous in the long run. They were severe – far worse than they looked on the surface. The doctors told us that Edward would never look the same again, and that he would carry the scars forever.

Bella's hand grabbed mine under the table at that point, and I looked up in time to see her lip quivering. She held herself together, though, and didn't cry until we were alone in the hallway with Carlisle while my parents handled some official business with the hospital administrators.

"Did they hold anything back?" Bella asked, looking at Carlisle.

He shook his head. His eyes were dull, and I could feel the exhaustion rolling off him.

"No, Bella. Their assessment of Edward's injuries matches what I saw with my own eyes. They are far better doctors than I am. I trust them to make an accurate judgment."

"I don't," Bella said. "I don't know them, and they don't know Edward. What if they're wrong? What if it's even worse than they say?"

The tears she had held back in front of my parents spilled from her eyes before she could hold them back. Carlisle's face fell, and he immediately took her into his arms and rubbed her back soothingly.

"Shh, Bella. I know the situation seems bleak, and in all honesty it is, but he will live. He will wake up. He will remember you, and if I succeeded in getting to know Edward at all in the short time he was home, I know he will fight forever to live a normal life."

And then she voiced the one fear that I had been trying to banish from my own thoughts for the last twenty-four hours.

"What if he shuts me out?"

I closed my eyes and sank into one of the metal chairs that lined the hallway. I feared for Edward's psychological state more than anything else. It was no great secret that war changed one's perspective, and injury changed it even more.

I was terrified he would wake up a different man. I feared this ordeal would wash away the sweet, loving person he had been before and leave nothing but bitterness in its wake.

When I looked up, Carlisle was gently rocking Bella back and forth. His expression pained me. He was clearly battling with himself over how to answer her question. He had to know it was a very real possibility.

I couldn't imagine having to tell someone the person they loved might have been changed so horribly.

His eyes met mine and behind the pain and exhaustion I saw a spark of intense love. Not just for me, but for my family and friends. Bella meant everything to him because she meant everything to me.

"What if he doesn't want me anymore?"

I almost didn't hear her whispered words, but they cut straight to my heart. Deep down it terrified me, but at the same time, I knew my brother. He could never feel that way. He could and probably would react in anger when he woke and discovered the extent of his injuries, but he could never permanently turn away from someone he loved.

"I'm sure that won't happen," Carlisle said diplomatically.

Bella only sobbed harder, and the tears began to slip down my cheeks as well.

"Don't lie to me," she said. Her voice was hard, and even though I knew she didn't snap at him intentionally, Carlisle flinched.

I stood up and ran my hand down her back. "Bella, come sit down. You're panicking, and you need to calm down."

"How can you be so calm?" she asked, turning sharply to face me. "How can you just sit there quietly? Did you even see him, Esme?"

I took a step back, shocked at the way she had spoken to me. She was angry, and she was hurt, and she was lashing out. But I never thought it would be directed at me, or that she would say such hurtful things.

"Bella." Carlisle's voice was sharp, and his eyes were on fire. He was not happy at all. "You're angry, Bella. We all are. But everyone expresses pain in different ways. Do not think that Esme isn't hurting. She is."

Bella's hard, bloodshot eyes stared at me for several moments before she surprised the both of us by turning on her heel and walking away.

I froze, shocked by her reaction. Carlisle sighed and stepped forward, wrapping his arms around my waist. He lifted me off the floor, and sat down in the seat I had vacated. He held me there in his lap and stroked my hair.

"She'll be okay," he assured me.

"Will she?"

"I know it seems like everything is so different, honey. Really, everything is, but I think with a little time and more information about Edward's recovery, Bella will see that her fear is clouding her judgment."

"I just hate the things she said."

"I know, Es. She hurt you. What if you talk to her tonight when we get to the hotel? Just give her some time to calm down right now."

I nodded. "You're right, of course. As you always are."

"I'm not always right."

I hushed him with a kiss. "Thank you, Carlisle. I couldn't have done this without you. I couldn't have faced everything that happened to my brother if you weren't here."

He watched me for several moments before responding. "You don't need to pretend to be strong all the time, honey."

"Yes I do," I said.

He opened his mouth to argue, but just then the door to the meeting room opened and my parents came out.

"Where did Bella go?" my mother asked.

"She umm…" I paused, not knowing how to explain what happened.

"She was upset and wanted to be alone for a few minutes," Carlisle said.

"She's probably outside," my father said. "Let's see if we can find her, and then we need to get to the hotel. We've all had a long day and need to sleep."

We found Bella sitting on the front steps of the hospital, smoking a cigarette. She looked much calmer, but the tear tracks were still fresh on her cheeks. Her eyes fell to the pavement when she saw me, and she bit her lip.

I wanted to say something, but Carlisle placed his hand on my lower back and leaned in to whisper in my ear.

"Not here, Esme. Wait till you're alone."

The ride to the hotel was short. Before I knew it we were being dropped off in front of a quaint three story building, and shortly after we were shown to our rooms.

I immediately collapsed onto the bed in the room Bella and I were sharing. I had never experienced such an emotionally trying day, and I was glad it was over. I closed my eyes, trying to clear my head and gain some balance.

"Esme?"

Bella's voice was quiet, hesitant. I sat up and met her gaze. I wanted to say something, but I didn't know where to begin. We both shared the blame for what happened at the hospital. We needed to talk about it, but I didn't know what to say.

Thankfully she spoke first. "I'm sorry, Esme. I wasn't very sensitive to what you were going through."

"We're both going through so much," I said.

"I know. That's why I shouldn't have lashed out at you. I just… I looked up, and I saw that Carlisle was looking at you. I got angry. I was jealous," she whispered, staring at the floor.

"What?"

She wrapped her arms around her chest, hugging herself. "I was jealous," she repeated. "My first thought when I looked at you was that you still had your perfect life with Carlisle while Edward might turn away from me completely."

Did she really think anything about my life was perfect right now?

"Bella, my brother almost died. My _brother_. My own flesh and blood, Bella." I could hardly get the words out. It pained me to speak to one of my closest friends so harshly, but I needed her to understand.

She sobbed quietly, and I felt the tears well up in my own eyes. "What are we going to do, Esme? What are we all going to do? I've never lost control of my emotions like this. I don't know what to do."

That was when it hit me. More than anything, Bella was scared. She had been in complete control of her own life since she was a basically a child, being raised by a single father. She handled every aspect of her life with absolute precision because that was how she had learned to survive on her own.

But then she had fallen in love with my brother, and she learned that love meant giving up part of yourself for someone else.

"I guess I just didn't understand how you weren't losing it at the hospital like I was," she continued.

I honestly didn't know how to respond because I wasn't sure of the answer myself. It felt almost like I was too tired to show my own pain. I had turned in on myself instead of lashing out while Bella had done the opposite.

"I don't know what to tell you, Bella. I was dying inside. You have to believe that."

She nodded. "I do, Esme. I'm sorry for the things I said, and how much I must have hurt you. That was never my intention. I acted out of hurt. I can see that now."

"Don't worry about it, Bella. I probably would have reacted the same way. There's no harm done at all."

"Still," she said, "it was insensitive of me."

"We've had a long day. I think we both need to get some sleep. Maybe tomorrow will be better."

I got up and walked to the small bathroom where I changed into the silk nightgown I had brought, and I removed my makeup. I slipped my robe over my shoulders and walked back out to find Bella sitting on the edge of her bed, gazing out the window.

"Bella? Are you okay?"

She turned slowly. "Yeah, Esme. I'm fine. Just tired." She looked at me pensively for several moments before a small smile spread across her face. "I figured you would want to stay with Carlisle tonight."

My eyes widened. It hadn't occurred to me until that moment that it was a possibility. I didn't want to think about what my parents would think if they discovered that I had been in his room, but the moment Bella brought it up I realized that was exactly where I wanted to sleep.

But as I looked at Bella, trying to put on a brave face and failing miserably at it, I knew why she made the suggestion.

She wanted to be alone.

She had broken down once already and didn't want to do that in front of anyone again.

I nodded and bowed my head. "You're right," I said. "I want to be with him. But will you be all right?"

She walked toward me and wrapped her arms around me in a hug. "You go, Esme. It'll make me happy to see you happy. I promise. And I can't wait to see you at breakfast tomorrow morning." She pulled back and raised her eyebrows suggestively.

I laughed quietly. Even when she was hurting so badly she couldn't help but put a little innuendo in the conversation. That was the Bella I loved. She was still in there, hidden by a level of pain I unfortunately was all too familiar with.

I slipped quietly down the stairs to the second floor where Carlisle's room was located. I had no idea how I would be received or if he was even awake. I prayed he was as I took a deep breath and knocked quietly.

It seemed like only seconds later that the door swung open. Carlisle stood there wearing the pants he had been wearing at the hospital, but a plain white t-shirt instead of the uniform shirt he had been wearing.

"Esme?" I smiled at how surprised he sounded. "What are you doing here, sweetheart?"

"I couldn't sleep." I looked around nervously for a moment, afraid that I wasn't welcome even though I knew that was ridiculous. "May I come in?"

"Of course." He opened the door all the way and offered me his hand to lead me inside.

I turned to face him once I was in the middle of the room. His eyes were curious, like he couldn't believe I came to him in the middle of the night – that this was where I wanted to be.

I played with the silky fabric of my gown, and glanced down, painfully aware of how little I was wearing. He moved to stand in front of me and placed his finger under my chin, lifting it so our eyes met.

Without a word his lips met mine, and my arms wrapped around his neck as his wound around my waist. I lost myself in the kiss, letting everything that had happened since we landed wash away.

"Are you all right, honey?" he asked, breaking our kiss. "Are you and Bella all right?"

I nodded. "We discussed what happened and we both apologized. We're fine now. We agreed that both our emotions were simply running too high, and it was only a matter of time before one of us snapped."

"I'm glad," he said. "I couldn't stand the thought of the two of you being at each other's throats."

"We talked it through, but I could tell she wanted to be alone for a while, and my thoughts were racing too fast to sleep, so I came down here."

I intentionally left out the implied innuendo in Bella's suggestion that I visit Carlisle's room.

He stroked my cheek and smiled.

"I'm glad you came," he said.

"So am I," I replied. "I have to confess I was a little worried about how you might react."

"Why would you worry about that?"

I shrugged my shoulders as he gazed at me, his eyes filled with nothing but happiness at my presence.

"If this is where you want to be then this is where you should be."

"You want me to spend the night with you?" I asked, hardly daring to hope.

He laughed and took me into his arms, lifting me off the floor and carrying me to the bed. "Of course I do, Esme. I've wanted to spend every night with you for a long time now. The fact I you're giving me that wish tonight makes me happier than I can say."

I settled back against the pillows as he pulled the blankets back. I wasn't sure if I should take my robe off or just sleep in it, but before I knew it, Carlisle had slipped beneath the sheets wearing only his t-shirt and boxers.

I blushed when I felt his bare leg brush the satin fabric of my robe.

"You're blush is beautiful, Esme," he said, propping his head on his elbow and tucking my hair behind my ear.

I silently slipped out of my robe and let it fall to the floor before rolling over to face him. He kissed me softly, his hand coming to rest on my side where his fingers rubbed teasing circles over my nightgown.

"You need sleep," he whispered.

I smiled against his lips. "You're the one with the hand that keeps inching lower and lower on my hip."

"I can't help it, love. You're too perfect. I can't resist you."

"Hmm. Carlisle," I whispered. "Tell me we'll have forever for this. That we'll spend the rest of our lives enjoying nights just like this one."

"Of course we will," he replied. "Don't let your brother's ordeal scare you, Esme. Nothing could ever take me away from you. I promise."

He peppered my face with kisses as he spoke. I was overwhelmed with need for him, but I worried that this wasn't the right time. Things were so emotional and uncertain. He was right that I was worried about my brother, and that my concern went far beyond what happened to him.

Long dormant fears and regrets that stemmed from my life with Charles weighed heavily on my mind. I wanted the comfort that Carlisle offered, but I knew I was letting the fear that I might lose him cause me to rush what I would otherwise want to take slowly.

My body had other ideas, though. My hands soon found his waist and pulled him closer. I brought my leg up over his, moaning at the feel of his skin against mine when my nightgown shifted.

"Esme," he groaned against my lips. "Sweetheart, we shouldn't."

"I know," I said, "but I can't stop. Besides, you were the one who wanted to a minute ago."

He smiled. "I know, but I don't think we should yet. You're hurting so badly over your brother, and you've had an exhausting day. You need sleep."

I nodded with a yawn as I settled myself against his shoulder and placed my hand over his heart. He was so warm and felt so good next to me. I knew even after one night it would be hard to go back to sleeping alone.

**oOoOoOo**

I woke up the next morning to the soft sensation of Carlisle's fingers combing through my hair. I groaned and rubbed my eyes, making him laugh softly.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"A little after six. You need to get back upstairs and shower so we can meet your parents downstairs for breakfast."

"I don't want to leave. Can't we stay here all day?"

His lips covered mine, and I was desperate to hold him there against me forever. "I wish, darling, but we need to go before your parents discover you were here last night."

He was right, of course.

I found Bella already dressed when I arrived back at our room. She looked refreshed and rested. It made me smile to think of how resilient she was. You could throw anything at Bella and she would just pick herself up and carry on.

"Did you have a good night?" she asked.

I nodded and smiled, remembering everything that had happened the night before.

"I know that smile." There was a devious spark in her eyes as she smirked at me.

"No, Bella. We only slept."

She didn't look entirely convinced, but I was relieved when she let me shower and dress in peace, with no further mention of how I spent my night.

By the time we arrived in the hotel lobby to eat with my parents and Carlisle, I was feeling much more awake. I was ready to get through the morning and go the hospital. All I wanted was to see my brother.

It appeared that a solid night's sleep had helped everyone. My mother and father were both alert, and while they weren't happy by any means, they seemed more prepared to face what was still to come.

After a light breakfast we piled into the car that would take us back to the hospital.

Carlisle held my hand as I sat between him and Bella in the backseat. I tried to pay attention to what was around me as we drove, but I couldn't keep my mind off of what might await us at the hospital. I wondered if anything would have changed in Edward's condition since yesterday. I had no idea when he might wake up or what would even happen when he did.

The possible emotional consequences terrified me. I tried not to let my thoughts overwhelm me as we pulled up outside the hospital. Once we were inside, Edward's doctor met us on the ground floor.

"Mr. Masen," he said, shaking my father's hand. "I have some news. Perhaps we should sit down."

The panic rose in my throat as he led us down a short hallway and into a quiet room. I refused to let go of Carlisle's hand, even once we were all seated.

The doctor closed the door and took a seat at the head of the long table.

"What's happened?" my father asked.

"Edward is awake."

Bella nearly leapt out of her chair. "He's awake?"

The doctor nodded. "He woke overnight. He's very weak, and he's still quite unaware, but he does know that his leg is gone."

I closed my eyes and squeezed Carlisle's hand. He went into doctor mode immediately.

"How did he take the news?" Carlisle asked.

"Not well," the doctor answered honestly. "His reaction is not unexpected, of course. Losing a limb is often likened to losing a loved one. He will have to learn to live in a whole new way. His life will never be the same. That is an enormous burden to bear."

"Is there anything we can do to make the transition easier on him?" my mother asked.

"He will need to stay here for at least another month. While he's here we have several specialists who will work with him to not only improve his mobility, but learn to cope with everything that happened to him. It will not be an easy road by any means, but eventually he will be able to live a normal life."

"What aren't you saying?" Bella asked. "I mean, you've talked about his mobility and learning how to cope, but I know firsthand what permanent injury does to a person. My father was shot in the line of duty and can no longer do the work he loved. I send nearly every paycheck I earn home to him, but I know he hates being a burden to me, even from far away. He was angry. He lashed out all the time. The person who raised me wasn't there anymore after the accident. Like I said, I know what this kind of thing does to a person. You said his life would never be the same again, and while that is obviously true, it isn't the only thing that is changed. Edward himself is never going to be the same again."

The doctor nodded solemnly. "You are absolutely correct, Isabella. He became very volatile when he learned we had to amputate. His heart rate accelerated, and he risked further injury to himself. We had to sedate him. The second time he woke, he was aware, but he wouldn't speak. He slapped a nurse's arm away from him, but did not otherwise move."

"He's depressed," Carlisle said.

"I believe so. He will experience a range of emotions over the course of the next few days, and he can move seamlessly from one to the other. Never assume that because he seems happy it means he is. I will allow you to visit him in groups of two, the same as yesterday, but I must warn you that he may not be happy to see any of you."

Bella's eyes dropped to the table. I wanted to rush around the table and hug her, but I knew she would insist she was all right. She had seen all this before in her own family. She knew better of what to expect from Edward than I did.

"Bella?" my mother asked, reaching across the table and clasping Bella's hand. "Would you like to spend some time alone with him before the rest of us see him?"

Bella looked up quickly, shocked at my mother's proposal. "Oh no, Mrs. Masen. I can't impose like that. He's your son."

"Honey, Edward loves you so much. I've never seen him like he is around you. I know you can get through to him."

Bella's face betrayed her doubts about my mother's words, but she nodded her assent. "Okay. I'll sit with him."

**oOoOoOo**

Edward woke briefly when Bella sat with him, but he was still slightly unaware. He recognized her, and the doctors thought maybe the sound of her voice helped soothe him. Bella brushed off the doctors' assessment, but I suspected they might be right.

My brother loved Bella. No one had a better chance of helping him ease into his new life than she did.

When it was my turn, my mother and I entered the ward together. Edward was sleeping lightly again by the time we made our way into the room, but the doctors encouraged us to talk to him anyway. He needed to know we were all here to support him.

There were no other patients in the ward with him. I was grateful for that as I remembered how the doctors told us he had reacted upon discovering the extent of his injuries. I pulled up a chair beside the bed and simply held his hand as my mother whispered softly to him.

I glanced up after several minutes and noticed my father and Carlisle talking quietly just outside the doors to the ward. Their faces were serious, making me wonder if they were discussing Edward's condition.

Suddenly my father smiled and pulled Carlisle into a hug. My eyes widened. I was almost unbearably curious about what just happened between them, but the anxious sound of my mother's voice brought my attention back to Edward's bedside.

"Esme," she hurriedly whispered. "I think he's waking up."

Sure enough, he stirred under the thin blanket and groaned.

"Mom?" he whispered hoarsely as he tried to focus on her.

She reached over and smoothed his hair. "That's right, baby, I'm here. Esme is, too."

He rolled his head over and my eyes met my brother's for the first time in months. "Hey, sis," he said with a small smile.

"Hey." I tried desperately not to choke as the tears sprang to my eyes.

Edward's brow furrowed, concern clear on his face. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I said, shaking my head. "I'm just so glad you're going to be all right."

He tried to move, but grimaced and gave up. "I'm not all right, Esme. I'm deformed."

"Edward," my mother admonished. "Don't talk like that. Of course you are not deformed. You are a war hero, son, and absolutely nothing less."

"I can hardly move without pain. I can feel the misshapen chunks of skin on my face. Did they tell you that, mother? Did they tell you I can feel every single burn mark? Not to mention my leg. It's missing, mother. Didn't you know?"

His voice was angry, sarcastic even. I had never heard my brother speak like this before, especially not to our mother. I recalled what the doctors said about his moods. They could change in an instant with no warning.

It was clear he had a long road ahead of him toward both physical and emotional recovery.

"Son, why are you speaking to me like this?"

The tears fell from my own eyes as I watched my mother shake her head, crying for her little boy.

"Why? Are you looking at me? Do you not see all this?" His voice was raised, and he lifted his hand enough to gesture at his body, indicating just how horrible he thought his injuries were.

My father and Carlisle heard Edward yelling and rushed into the room.

"Edward!" My father's voice was stern. "You will not yell at your mother. She has been sick with worry ever since the day you left, and this is how you treat her? She is owed nothing but respect."

"Where is my respect?" Edward yelled. "She calls me a hero, but I don't even have both my legs anymore!"

The soothing motion of Carlisle rubbing my shoulder was the only thing keeping me calm while I watched the exchange between my family. Bella stood in the doorway, afraid to come any closer. Her lip was trembling, and she looked like she was fighting hard against a river of emotion.

I couldn't blame her at all. I knew exactly how she felt.

Edward continued to yell at my father about the unfairness of it all until the doctors finally rushed in and insisted that if he didn't calm down they would sedate him again.

Edward threw his hands up in defeat and collapsed back against the pillows, exhausted.

It didn't take long for him to fall back into a deep sleep. We all moved back into the hallway where Bella sat crying.

"Why… Why did that happen?" she asked. "He was fine with me. He was barely awake at all. I was sure he didn't even recognize me."

"Oh, Bella," my mother said, sitting beside her and wrapping her in a hug. "He didn't mean to lose his temper with me, sweetie. Remember what the doctor said about him grieving the loss of his leg and how it would affect his moods? I'm sure this is not the last time he will become angry with any of us."

Bella nodded and rested her head on my mother's shoulder, basking in the comfort she provided.

I turned to Carlisle and let myself be enveloped in his arms. He gently rocked me back and forth, knowing he didn't need to say anything. I was shaken by the anger I had seen in my brother who was once so calm and loving.

Hearing the words that he would never be the same again and seeing it with my own eyes were two very different things.

I didn't know what I would do when Carlisle was forced to return to Hawaii in a week, but for now I knew I could take comfort in him. I needed that more than anything right now.

* * *

**Keiki k****a****ne means 'son.' I could not seem to name this chapter for the life of me. **

**I apologize for how long it took me to write this chapter. It was such an emotional rollercoaster that I would write a few lines and then have to step back for several days. **

**As sad as it makes me to say this, the story is winding down. There will be two more regular chapters and then two epilogues. What needs to be said has been said, and it's time to wrap everything up. **

**Thank you to Mackenzie for making my words sparkle and to Kelley and Lauren for getting into competitions over who can email comments to me first.**

**Thank you all so much for reading! As always reviewers get a teaser. It may take a few days this time, but I'll get them out. **


	17. Hale

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to their respective owners. The author of this story in no way profits from its use or distribution.**

* * *

**"Every man is afraid of something. That's how you know he's in love with you; when he is afraid of losing you."**

**~Anonymous**

* * *

The weeks spent on the mainland during Edward's recovery were exhausting. We were often told that his convalescence would take an enormous amount of time – time that would extend beyond his stay at the hospital. However, every night I prayed that the next day everything would magically be back to normal.

I knew my dream was ridiculous, but the more days we spent away from home, the less patience I had.

"I can't believe how long the days last here," Bella said, flopping down on the bed in our shared hotel room three weeks into our stay.

I nodded but didn't say anything. Everything here moved at such a fast pace. It was so unlike the islands. Even though Bella had grown up here, it was easy to adapt to the slow pace of Hawaii. Neither of us could wait to get back, but both for very different reasons.

Carlisle returned to Pearl Harbor after the first week, as arranged. His absence put an especially black cloud on my mood. With him here beside me I felt strong and ready to face anything. Separated from him I felt adrift, lost even.

Between Edward's recovery and worry over what would happen when we went home, Bella was on an emotional rollercoaster of her own during our stay in Arkansas.

She had managed to negotiate a plan with her boss that allowed her to take an extended leave of absence that wasn't really a leave at all. She actually quit with the promise that another job would be there for her when she returned.

It was a complete stroke of luck that she had managed such an arrangement.

I wasn't so fortunate. After a lengthy discussion with my parents and Carlisle before he left it was decided that I would outright resign my position. I hadn't been working on base nearly as long as Bella had and therefore had no special favors with anyone. Under the circumstances I believed it to be the right thing to do. Bella had no doubt I would have been replaced before returning, and therefore resigning was the better option.

I loved working while I did it, but I increasingly believed that it was the right time in my life to pull back. I saw myself heading in another direction.

I needed to focus on family right now.

With every day that passed Edward adjusted a little more to his new life. He was learning to move around easily in his new wheelchair and also had the option of crutches. He hated those. He often joked that having his legs back would be ideal, but if given the option between the chair and the crutches the chair was the lesser of two evils.

His personal moods still wavered frequently between happy, sad, and the occasional bout of anger, but he was becoming better at controlling them.

I only hoped his improvement would continue without any setbacks.

I sighed and turned my head to see Bella watching me.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

I nodded again. "Just can't wait to get home," I replied.

"Me neither. I haven't even started packing. I think I'm afraid that if I do they'll change their minds."

I grinned and laughed softly. I had to agree with her about that.

It took three months, but finally the day came when the doctors informed my father that we could take Edward home.

His injury earned him an honorable discharge from the military, and while he still didn't know what he wanted to do now, he was anxious to be home and go back to whatever normal would be for him now.

I spent a lot of time observing my brother's interactions with Bella in those last few days on the mainland. After her many emotional outbursts in the first few days had subsided, Bella became a rock for all of us, especially Edward.

In the beginning he would yell at her, and she would simply sit there and stare at him with one eyebrow raised. Once he quieted down she would ask him if he was quite finished yet.

Those were the rare moments I would laugh in those days. Bella's spirit was exactly what my brother needed. He could draw his strength from her, and she didn't take any nonsense from him.

On Edward's final day at the hospital, Bella and I both sat with him while the doctors helped him with his exercises. His strength had bounced back at an incredible rate even though it would never fully return.

He was able to move himself from the bed into his wheelchair.

"See, Bella, I told you I could," he said smugly.

She grinned. "I never said you couldn't. I only said you shouldn't be such a show-off."

I laughed. Once she recovered from the initial shock of Edward's injuries, Bella's caring nature kicked in. She wanted to take care of him every moment of the day. His doctors finally had to pull her aside and tell her he needed to learn to do things on his own. It would help his morale if he could see for himself that he wasn't an invalid.

They were right of course, and now that his final therapy session on the mainland was over I was proud to see just how far he had come.

"Ready to go home, sis?" he asked, turning his wheelchair to face me.

I nodded happily. "I hate it here."

He chuckled loudly. "I could not agree more, Es. This place is awful. But you don't need to pretend to be ready to go because of me. I know how much you miss him."

He was right, as usual. I talked to Carlisle every night, but I still missed him terribly. I couldn't wait to be home with him again.

**oOoOoOo**

The day we landed in Honolulu nothing could stop me from running off the plane and straight into his waiting arms. He laughed and spun me around.

"I missed you, Esme," he whispered softly.

I had to hold myself back from pushing him to the ground and kissing him right there on the landing strip.

Everyone came out to the airport to welcome Edward home. Alice even made posters to wave.

"You couldn't help yourself, could you?" I asked her.

She shook her head. "There was no chance of me missing the opportunity to welcome you guys home. We missed you so much."

Rose and Emmett came up to us then, and I nearly cried. I had missed my best friend more than I knew how to say.

Edward wanted some time to get settled, so it was decided everyone would gather at the house the next afternoon for a small welcome home party. He wasn't too fond of the idea, but it made my mother happy and so he agreed.

Carlisle led me to Edward's car, explaining that he and Edward had talked numerous times on the phone over the last several weeks, and that in one of those conversations Edward had informed Carlisle he wanted him to have the car.

I was shocked.

The car meant a lot to my brother. I knew he understood he couldn't drive it anymore, but I figured he would always keep it for sentimental reasons.

But according to Carlisle, Edward wanted him to have it because it would still be close to the family, and he wanted to see someone get some good use out of it.

**oOoOoOo**

The biggest shock of all came the next morning when Rose phoned and told me to meet her at the courthouse and to wear a nice dress.

When I arrived I was startled to find Carlisle standing outside with Emmett, who was wearing his full dress uniform.

They were going to elope.

I knew right then that I was there to attend a wedding.

"She's in the ladies room," Emmett said after I kissed Carlisle hello. "She asked me to send you in there when you arrived."

I nodded and smiled. I could imagine the state she was probably in.

"Oh, thank God," Rose practically shouted when I opened the door. "I need help with my zipper and really wasn't looking forward to asking your man."

I silently zipped her beautiful white dress up in the back, while watching her in the mirror. A million questions ran through my mind, beginning with why hadn't she told me that she and Emmett were planning this.

Rose was spontaneous by nature, and an impromptu wedding was exactly the kind of thing she would do if she was sure it was what she wanted. And I knew without a doubt that she was sure about Emmett.

"I love him so much," she whispered, staring at herself in the mirror.

I nodded. "He loves you too. Why didn't you tell me you were planning this?"

"We were only half planning it," she explained. "It was something he would bring up every once in a while, but then everything with your brother happened, and I didn't want to wait anymore. I knew I wanted you to be back here before we actually did it, though. I wouldn't get married without you being there with me. Who else would catch me when I faint?"

I laughed loudly before we walked out to join the boys.

The service was quick. Just two signatures on a piece of paper, a few simple words, and they were married. It felt surreal. All I could see was the Rose I knew when we were kids, running around my parents' property, getting into any trouble we could find. That girl was married now. She was leaving one life behind and starting another.

It was a strange thing, but so wonderful too. No one deserved happiness more than Rose, and Emmett was the perfect person to give it to her.

**oOoOoOo**

The small party my parents' had planned for Edward's homecoming began several hours later, and once my family learned of Rose's impromptu wedding, it turned into a double celebration.

Edward spent at least five minutes laughing at them for getting married so fast because of him, and even afterwards every time he looked at them he would shake his head and laugh again.

Rose told him she was glad he found something funny, even if it was her that was so hilarious.

I watched my brother all afternoon. He was so happy to be home. Bella could hardly stop smiling for a minute as well. I suspected the way Edward kept touching her was the reason for her cheerful mood.

The whole affair was very low-key. My parents' would never throw the kind of party they were known for during wartime, and we all knew Edward would never want that anyway. He was content to have our family, his close friends, and several of our father's associates who had known him since he was a child. Those men were like uncles to both of us.

At his own insistence no one called Edward a hero or asked to hear his stories. He proclaimed to want to move forward with his life, and while he was immensely proud to have been a sailor, he was ready to take his life in another direction now.

I sat with Carlisle on the long sofa, enjoying the conversations that took place around us, even though Carlisle had been unusually quiet since returning from the courthouse. He seemed nervous and was fidgeting more than usual too.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" I asked, placing my hand on his knee.

He nodded, looking around. "Can we go outside?"

"Of course."

I took his hand and pulled him onto the veranda. Only a few of my father's co-workers stood out here. We could have some privacy. I led him to the west-facing side of the deck where no one else was in sight, and sank back into his arms to gaze at the view that surrounded us.

"I love you, Esme," he whispered in my ear as his arms wrapped around me from behind.

I hummed. "Promise?"

I turned in his arms to smile up at him before kissing him softly.

He chuckled. "I promise, Esme. I'll love you till the day I die."

His arms held me tight as he skimmed his lips across my cheek and down my jaw. He buried his head in my neck, making me giggle when the light stubble on his chin tickled my bare shoulder.

"I want to marry you, Esme."

I gasped before my breath caught in my throat.

"Are you… Are you asking me to marry you?"

He lifted his head, and when his eyes met mine they were so full of love and hope. I could see the question there.

He really was proposing to me.

And then, without warning, he sunk to one knee and took my hand in his. I never even saw him pull the ring out of his pocket but suddenly there it was on the fourth finger of my left hand.

"Will you marry me, Esme?"

His voice was so soft, but so sure. There was nothing more he wanted than to spend forever with me. And there was nothing more I could ever want from him.

I nodded while tears filled my eyes. "Yes, Carlisle. Of course I will."

He stood and scooped me into his arms, spinning me around with my feet off the ground. I laughed and slapped his shoulder before he set me down.

His smile was almost blinding. It was giddy and relieved and wildly happy.

He never let go of my waist while I held my hand up in the afternoon sunlight to examine my ring. It was more beautiful than I could have imagined. One large diamond adorned the middle, surrounded by platinum filigree in the most intricate pattern I had ever seen.

It was simple, yet stunning, just like the amazing man who chose it. It was perfect.

"Do you like it?" he asked.

I tore my eyes away from the ring long enough to give him a reproving glare.

"I love it, Carlisle. How could you think I might not?"

He grinned sheepishly. "I'm glad."

I placed my hand on his shoulder, loving the way my ring looked there.

"I love you, Carlisle Cullen."

He pulled me into his arms and when his lips met mine I thought I might faint from the power of the kiss. I could feel him pour every wild emotion he was feeling into it, and I melted into his arms, letting myself be carried away by the sensation.

I was getting married. _We_ were getting married. By all accounts we hadn't been a couple long, but the one thing I knew with absolute certainty was that this was _right._I didn't need anyone to tell me Carlisle and I were meant to be together.

I knew.

He held me in his arms and rocked me back and forth for several minutes. My head rested against his chest and my hand against his heart. The afternoon sunlight caught the diamond in my ring, making it shine against Carlisle's black shirt.

"When should we tell everyone?" I asked.

"Why not now?"

"Now? This afternoon is for Edward. I don't think I could impose on his homecoming like that."

He lifted my chin and rubbed his thumb along my jaw. "Would it help if I told you he already knows?"

My eyes widened. "He knows? How long has he known?"

"I told him yesterday. I bought the ring a few days before news of Edward's condition came in, and I asked your father's permission while we were in Arkansas."

"You've had it that long?"

He nodded. "I considered giving it to you the day we went on our trip around the island, but I decided to wait. Then everything with Edward happened, and I knew I didn't want to wait any longer."

"That seems so long ago already, doesn't it? Another lifetime almost."

"I know, sweetheart. We'll have days like that again, though."

"I hope you're right," I told him. "Now let's go tell everyone."

Hand in hand we walked back into the kitchen where my father stood at the counter preparing several drinks.

"I asked her," Carlisle said when my father saw us.

His face broke into a large grin. He pulled me into a hug and whispered, "I'm so proud of you, princess."

My eyes filled with tears again. "Thanks, Daddy."

"We need to make an announcement," he said, pulling back. "I think most everyone is in the sitting room right now."

I followed my father down the hall, Carlisle's hand gripped firmly against mine. It was a strange sensation to feel a cold metal ring against my finger again.

"Can I make the announcement?" Father asked before we reached the sitting room.

Carlisle laughed. "We would be honored if you did."

He smiled widely as we entered the room. "Everyone!" he exclaimed, "I have the happiest announcement of my life to make!"

Several people, including me, laughed at his boyish enthusiasm.

"I am so happy that you joined us today to celebrate Edward's homecoming and the continued improvement of his health. It just so happens that today is a very special day for another reason as well. Many of you met Carlisle here for the first time tonight, but you already know how important he is to my family and how much he is already considered one of us. Well, tonight we make it official." He lifted my hand to display my ring. "My daughter is engaged!"

I laughed loudly and blushed at his display. He couldn't contain his excitement.

The room exploded in cheers and congratulations.

Carlisle was pulled away immediately by Emmett and a group of other young men from the base, and I was swarmed by Alice, Rose, Bella, and my mother.

"It's beautiful," Alice said, holding up my hand to see the ring. "He chose the perfect one."

I nodded. "I love it. Almost as much as I love him."

"Is there something in the water?" Bella teased. "Everybody's getting married."

"Oh, you babies are growing up, that's all," my mother mused, wiping tears from her eyes while she flung her arms around me.

She wasn't fooling me. My father was completely incapable of keeping a secret from her. She had known as long as he had. I would bet any money on it.

Carlisle managed to pull me away after several minutes of the ladies hovering over me.

We escaped onto the veranda again where he pulled me into his arms and began to sway back and forth in a sort of silent dance.

"How does it feel?" he asked.

"What, being engaged to you?"

He nodded.

"It feels like we always have been."

* * *

**Hale means 'home'.**

**Thank you to Mackenzie L, kr2009 and texasunshine for the work they do on my chapters. I couldn't do this without them.**

**I know I said there would be two more chapters, but I realized there enough story left to necessitate splitting it out. Therefore, this is the last full chapter of AtR. **

**There are still two epilogues to follow, along with an Edward and Bella outtake that is being donated to the Fandom4Texas charity.**

**I'm also considering other outtakes so even after the epilogues post keep the story on alert.**

**A picture of Esme's ring can be viewed on my profile. **

**What's next? Well, Nerdlisle is also nearing completion. Once that is finished Shattered will be my sole focus until it's done as well. No I didn't abandon it. I have an outline formed for a new story, but I will be pre-writing a substantial amount of that one. **

**I hope you enjoyed taking this ride with me. Navylisle and his Esme have a very special place in my heart and so do all of you. **

**First epilogue should post next week. Reviewers get a teaser as always. Thanks so much for reading!**


	18. Male ana

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to their respective owners. The author of this story in no way profits from its use or distribution.**

* * *

_Love is a symbol of eternity. It wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end._

_~ Unknown_

* * *

"What do you think?" I asked, turning in front of the mirror so everyone could see.

"Perfect."

"Beautiful."

"Sexy."

"Bella!"

We all laughed as my mother berated Bella for her comment. She couldn't help her smile as she said it, though. I knew she found it sweet.

I stared at myself in my bedroom mirror and tilted my head to the side, examining the neckline of my dress.

The whole thing was lace with cap sleeves and a v-shaped neckline. A small gold strip of satin accentuated the bust and brought the whole piece together.

Alice had scoffed at me of course. Satin was the fabric of choice right now. In her mind nothing else would do.

I had to have my lace dress, though. It reminded me of my grandmother's. I grew up imagining myself getting married in her beautiful Victorian lace gown, but it was destroyed in a house fire when I was a teenager.

This dress, however, was a perfect representation, altered slightly to keep me comfortable in the heat. The minute I saw it I knew it was mine. Several quick alterations were done and now I stood in the dress I would pledge myself to Carlisle in.

It was rather unassuming, all things considered. Church weddings were rare nowadays. There was neither time nor resources for them. My family had the money, but I didn't want anything grand at all. It would be a small affair with family and close friends, and we would have a brief dinner at the house afterwards.

Short and simple.

Exactly the way I wanted it.

Frankly, now that it was here I barely cared about the wedding itself. All I wanted was to be Carlisle's wife.

Half of me wanted to put on my nicest suit, grab Carlisle and run to the courthouse to get married that way. The other half of me knew it would break my mother's heart not to see me walk down that aisle.

"Are you nervous?" Rose asked.

I shook my head. "Not at all."

"Really?" She sounded shocked. "The wedding's tomorrow!"

"Why should she be nervous?" Alice asked. "They've been ready for this day for a long time."

"Because weddings are terrifying," Rose answered. "I felt sick before mine."

I smiled. I wouldn't deny some nerves, but really I was just anxious for the ceremony to be here. I couldn't wait to stand up in front of my family and friends and bind my life to Carlisle's forever.

I also couldn't wait to see him in his full dress uniform.

I grinned and trailed my finger along the neckline of the dress.

"Okay," I said. "I think I'm ready to take it off now."

Rose stepped forward to help me out of it. "It's not like you won't be wearing it again in twenty-four hours."

We all laughed.

"So what are your plans for your last night of freedom?" Alice asked.

"Nothing," I replied, barely keeping a straight face. "Absolutely nothing."

**oOoOoOo**

"Are you sure you want to marry me? I can't even make a decent lei."

"It's a good thing I'm not marrying you for your necklace making skills," I said, examining Carlisle's handiwork. It really was awful, but I would wear it proudly.

I lay on the ground, my head in his lap, looking up at the stars. We were in the small clearing behind my parents' house, far enough into the trees not to be seen but not far enough to block out the stars.

"I wish we could stay out here all night," I said, reaching up to take his hand.

"Just think, beautiful, after tomorrow we'll have every night to spend together. And we won't even have to sneak out."

I laughed and rubbed his arm where it was draped across my chest.

"You think you can wait one more night?"

He shook his head. "No. But I've waited for you for months. I guess one more night won't kill me."

I grinned and kissed his palm. It was a miracle we had pulled off this night at all. Despite it being customary for the bride and groom not to see each other the day before the wedding I never had any intention of staying away from Carlisle.

I still couldn't believe we would be married in the morning. It seemed like a dream.

"Carlisle?"

"Yes, my beautiful?"

"What happens after the reception tomorrow?"

"It's a secret, love."

"But I hate secrets. Please tell me?"

He shook his head and smiled down at me, rubbing his thumb along my jaw. "No, ma'am. You'll have to wait and see."

I sat up and moved so that I straddled Carlisle's lap. I ran my hands down his chest, grinning mischievously.

"Are you sure I have to wait and see? Couldn't I have a little preview?"

"A preview, huh?" He leaned forward and kissed me softly. "What kind of a preview did you have in mind?"

I smirked and laid us down flat on the ground, leaning in to kiss along his neck.

"The kind that makes you tell me what you're planning."

"I see. Well, Esme, it's going to take a lot of convincing to get me to let go of my surprise."

"Then I would say it's a very good thing I have all night."

I sighed happily as his hands came up around my waist and rolled me over so we faced each other.

"I thought we were waiting till tomorrow," he teased.

I stuck my bottom lip out in a pout. "But-"

He grinned and interrupted me with a kiss. "It won't kill you to be surprised, Esme."

"It might," I said. "And then what would you do?"

"Turn into a miserable old hermit."

"Would you live in a cave in the mountains?"

He nodded. "Of course."

"Well, we can't have that now, can we? So, see, you really must tell me."

He shook his head. "It's not going to work, darling. I like watching you squirm too much. I think I'll keep my secret."

"Do you at least promise I'll love it?"

"You really will, Esme. I promise."

"How long do you have leave?"

"Just tomorrow night."

I frowned. I suspected that would be the case, but I didn't have to be happy about it. Was it so wrong to want to lie in bed with my husband all day the morning after our wedding?

"It's the war, sweetheart," he said softly. "You know they can't give me anymore time."

I nodded. "I know."

"I don't want to talk about things that worry you anymore. I can't stand to see you sad on the night before our wedding."

I laid my head on his chest and played with the buttons on his shirt.

"I just want to stay here with you a little while longer," I said. "We won't get any peace and quiet tomorrow. I want to enjoy it now."

I felt his fingers run through my hair as his chest hummed beneath me. Tomorrow we would be husband and wife, but tonight we would simply be two lovers lying in the moonlight with no worries at all about what the next day would bring.

**oOoOoOo**

"There. You're finished."

I turned to look at myself in the mirror as my mother lowered my veil over my eyes. I had worn the dress twice before, but now, on the morning of my wedding, with the veil in place and my fiancé waiting for me, the effect was even more stunning.

"Thank you, Mother," I said, turning around and throwing my arms around her.

She uttered a soft "oh" before gently hugging me, careful not to disturb my dress.

"I love you, my precious girl," she said. "I'm so proud of you. You deserve everything Carlisle can give you and so much more."

"I love you, Mom."

"I love you too, Esme. Now, your father is waiting outside. Should I send him in? It's almost time."

I nodded. "Yes, please."

She walked to the door and blew me a kiss, making me laugh. Several moments later my father stepped in. I could tell he was trying not to get emotional, but that would never last. Watching his little girl get married was bound to make him cry.

"You look so beautiful, princess."

I blushed and looked down.

"Thank you."

"Now, you're sure he's the one? It's not too late you know."

I laughed. I knew he was teasing. "He's the one. I know it."

"I know, Esme. He's perfect for you. He'll make you happy. It makes an old man proud to give his daughter away, but at the same time I'm sad that you don't need me anymore."

My eyes watered instantly.

"I need you for something, Daddy."

I rushed to my purse and pulled out the simple silver chain. While dress shopping with the girls, I'd made it clear that I didn't want any jewelry - much to Alice's disdain - but it was because I was planning this.

On this day, this chain was just for me.

I held it out to my father, and he looked at it for a moment before nodding slowly and motioning for me to turn around. I watched in the mirror as he clasped the necklace behind me. It fell perfectly against my chest.

The heart shaped locket Charles had given me when he enlisted and my engagement ring.

"It didn't feel right," I whispered. "Not having some part of him with me today."

"He'll always be with you, Esme," my father said. "And I bet he'd be damn proud to see you marry Carlisle today."

I nodded, the tears filling my eyes. "I've thought a lot about the irony. They would probably have been the best of friends."

"I agree. And that's why I know he's proud of you, baby. He's with you today. Don't think for a moment he's not here."

I fingered the ring that lay against my neck and looked at the one that adorned my finger.

I had lived another life once, but that was gone now. Today I would start my next one. If such a thing as fate existed I knew everything that had happened brought me to this day for a reason.

After adding the lei Carlisle had made for me the night before I was finally prepared to walk down that aisle and become his wife.

"It's time now, sweetheart. We've got a wedding to attend."

I laughed and linked my arm through my father's. When we exited the room, Rose, Alice, Bella, and little Bree were all there waiting for us. My three best friends were acting as my bridesmaids. I wasn't particular at all about the arrangements for my wedding and we didn't bother with getting them matching dresses. They each wore their nicest suits, and they looked beautiful.

Bree was dressed up in her Sunday best and would be acting as my flower girl. She had been running around Honolulu for a week telling anyone who would listen all about her important duty.

Now that the day was here I could hardly believe she wasn't trying to run down the aisle already, throwing rose petals at everyone.

"Ready?" Rose asked.

I nodded, gripping my father's arm.

"I think she was ready weeks ago," Bella said with a laugh.

The procession music began and Bree took off down the aisle of the church, her basket swinging at her side. I was almost sad that I stood off to the side and couldn't watch her.

My nerves increased with each moment that went by as each of my friends made their way to the front of the church. I couldn't wait to see Carlisle. I was willing to bet he was feeling just as anxious as I was. That thought made me grin, but by the time my father and I rounded the doorway and I caught my first glimpse of him, my grin spread into the biggest smile of my life.

He looked like an angel.

I knew it was an absurdly cliché thought, but standing there at the front of the church under the sunlight in his white dress uniform he looked like he was sent straight from heaven.

Our eyes met and my smile widened even more. He was grinning like a schoolboy who had just been kissed on the playground. I wanted to laugh, but it wouldn't have been very proper.

When we reached the altar my father placed my hand in Carlisle's and moved to sit beside my mother. Edward winked at me from his wheelchair behind Carlisle, and Emmett stood behind him.

My fingers linked with Carlisle's easily as we turned to face the priest.

I barely heard a word of the ceremony. The rush of emotions I was experiencing was nearly overwhelming. I could feel the unshed tears of happiness in my eyes, and after we were pronounced man and wife, and Carlisle turned to lift my veil, one tear finally rolled down my cheek.

He captured it easily on the tip of his finger and smiled.

"I love you, Esme," he whispered before stepping forward to kiss me for the first time as my husband.

His lips met mine for a brief moment, but the promise behind the kiss was forever. No matter what happened we would always have each other.

When we turned and faced our family and friends the first thing I saw was my parents smiling proudly at me. My mother briefly squeezed my hand as we walked by, and it wasn't until everyone was outside that she fell apart and cried into my shoulder about how happy she was.

Carlisle just laughed along with Edward at her display before we loaded into the cars that would take us back to the house.

**oOoOoOo**

When we arrived at my parents' house everything was set up already for the small reception. I had given instructions that no one was to make a fuss over us, but this small party was the least we could do to show our family and friends how grateful we were.

Rose ushered me upstairs to change out of my wedding dress and into the shorter, cotton dress I would wear for the rest of the day. It was strapless, with a thin black belt around the waist and eyelet detail around the bottom. It was the perfect dress for summertime and I knew Carlisle wouldn't be able to take his eyes off it.

"Wow," Alice said, walking into the room. "That's more beautiful than the wedding dress was."

Rose and I gaped at her. Alice was the queen of high fashion. She would walk around in ball gowns all day like she was Tallulah Bankhead if she could.

"I thought you wouldn't want her out of that dress for the rest of the day," Rose said.

"Well it is an amazing dress, despite being so old-fashioned. But this one is just so… Esme." She fingered the fabric for a moment before looking up at me. "You glow."

I smiled at her while Rose adjusted the pins in my hair. "Thank you, Alice. You know how much that means to me."

Rose disappeared into my closet and came back out holding a thin white box. She smiled mischievously before handing it to me.

"Rose, you know you didn't have to get my anything," I protested.

"Oh, hush you, and open it up here before we go back downstairs. Besides, it's not really for you."

I narrowed my eyes at her but sat down on the bed, reaching for the box. Alice was bouncing on the balls of her feet as I opened it and pulled out a magnificent white peignoir set with a black satin tie around the waist.

"Rose," I gasped. "How in the world did you get this?"

"A magician never reveals her secrets," she replied. "Now you see what I meant by saying it wasn't really for you. It's more for Carlisle's benefit."

I laughed loudly before hugging her. "It's beautiful, Rose. Thank you."

A gentle knock on the doorframe alerts us to Bella's presence.

"People are starting to arrive."

"Oh. Well, I guess we better go down there now."

Bella laughed. "I was sure you would be flying down those stairs just to see your husband if nothing else."

My husband. Oh how I loved those words.

We walked downstairs to find a few people already in the sitting room, drinking wine and visiting with my father.

"Where's Carlisle?" I asked Edward, who was wheeling down the hall toward us.

"In the kitchen. I think he's been hiding until you were ready."

I grinned as I made my way through the dining room. When I reached the kitchen I saw him leaning against the counter, wearing the simple suit he had changed into and eating a sandwich.

"Baby, we have plenty of food on the veranda. You didn't need to make yourself something."

"I didn't," he said. "Bella made it for me. I guess I needed something heavy to settle my nerves."

I stepped between his legs and slipped my arms around his waist, kissing him briefly.

"Why are you nervous? We're already married."

"I know. It just all caught up with me finally. We're really married."

"And how does it feel?"

"Like the most amazing feeling in the world," he replied between kisses.

"Would you two like to skip the reception and have some time alone now?"

I spun around to see Edward smirking at us from the doorway.

"Hush," I told him. "I'm allowed to kiss my husband if I want to."

"Yes, well, if I hadn't interrupted who knows what the next person who walked in here might have seen."

"Oh, stop teasing me," I said, throwing a cracker at him.

He just laughed and wheeled back out of the room before I could hurl anymore food in his direction.

I looked back at Carlisle to see him smiling softly at me.

"What?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Nothing. That dress is so beautiful, Esme. I love it on you."

I twirled around, making him laugh. "I knew you would like it. It's also not the last surprise I have for you today."

He groaned, pulling me back into his arms. "Don't say things like that or we really will give whoever walks in here next quite a show.

I laughed. "Oh, Carlisle, stop it.

"Come on, sweetheart," he said, taking my hand. "It's our wedding reception. We should probably put in an appearance, before I decide to take you away and keep you all to myself."

I pouted. "That sounds like a better plan. I don't want to share you either."

Before we could even decide whether to sneak out of our own party my mother waltzed through the door and decided for us.

"What are you two doing hiding in here? Everyone's been wondering where you are. Now come on, out onto the veranda with you."

She shooed us out the door to where everyone sat around a large table that was laid out with tasteful decorations and my mother's best china. I knew Alice helped her with the minimal decorations, and she had done a wonderful job of keeping everything low-key like I wanted.

We took our seats in the middle of the table with Rose and Emmett on one side and Alice on the other. Edward and Bella sat at the end because of Edward's wheelchair. I felt awful having him so far away, but he raised his glass to me and winked so I knew he was okay.

Once everyone was seated, my father stood up and cleared his throat. I wanted to bury my face in my hands. No matter how old I got it was always possible for me to be embarrassed by my father.

"When Esme first introduced her mother and me to Carlisle it was on the tarmac at Hickham. Not exactly a conventional setting to meet your daughter's future husband." Everyone laughed. "That first meeting was all the proof I needed that Carlisle and my daughter belonged together. I'll tell a brief story about how I knew, and then we can all eat. You see, right after introducing us as the doctor who had mended her injured hand, little Bree came running up to Carlisle with a flower to put in Esme's hair. Watching the way he interacted with my niece and seeing the way he looked at my daughter sealed the deal for me. Esme had experiencedsuch a turbulent change in her life, and I know we were all thrilled to see her regain some happiness."

I fingered the necklace I was still wearing, lost in thought as he continued.

"I don't think she even realized what was happening to her, but those of us around her could see that she and Carlisle were destined to fall in love. And now here we are, and I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm hungry so let's say a quick blessing for this marriage and eat this food."

My mother smacked him on the back of the head while the rest of us laughed.

Dinner went smoothly with everyone talking and laughing as though there wasn't a care in the world. It was exactly the wedding day I had always dreamed of.

Edward and Emmett both brought out guitars after everyone had eaten, and Carlisle grinned as he led me to the middle of the veranda. Being in his arms it was possible to forget that anyone else was there. We were surrounded by other couples but so far removed from it all at the same time.

My husband's eyes were soft as he gazed at me, but his smile was bright.

"You're too beautiful," he whispered.

"It's because I'm married to you," I told him.

He smirked. "I married the prettiest girl in Honolulu."

"Just Honolulu?" I asked, arching an eyebrow.

"The world," he answered, closing the distance between us and covering my mouth with his.

The sun was beginning to set as we danced and kissed and laughed. I had such an enjoyable afternoon I didn't want it to end, but I knew everyone would need to leave soon. The sundown curfew was still heavily enforced.

Carlisle and I broke apart so that I could go upstairs and retrieve the things I would need. He still refused to tell me where I was spending my wedding night, but I knew it wasn't the house I grew up in.

After thanking and saying goodbye to our guests, we enjoyed one last drink with my family and best friends before rushing to Carlisle's car to get wherever it was we were going before the MP began their patrols.

"Now will you tell me where we're going?"

"I've held out on you this long, Esme. You think I'm going to cave now?"

I folded my arms across my chest and pouted.

"I might make you sleep on the couch tonight."

He laughed. "No, ma'am. I'm sleeping nowhere but in a bed with you in my arms."

The drive into downtown Honolulu seemed shorter than normal. In no time at all Carlisle stopped the car along a curb, and I gasped when I looked up.

"Carlisle, you did not."

"Oh, I assure you I did."

"This is the nicest hotel in the city. On the island even. In all of Hawaii!"

"Anything for my beautiful wife," he said, coming to stand beside me.

He slipped his arm around my shoulder as we approached the desk, and he got the keys for the room he had reserved. Once we were upstairs he unlocked the door to the grandest hotel room I could imagine. I had certainly seen nice ones before while visiting family on the mainland, and even some that rivaled this in size, but knowing that this was where I would spend my wedding night made it the most perfect room that could have existed.

I walked to the window on the far side of the room. I could see everything. All of Honolulu, the bay, even the ships in dock at Pearl. I could see it all.

Carlisle came up behind me and slipped his arms around my waist.

"Isn't it beautiful?" I asked quietly.

"Not half as beautiful as you."

His lips ducked to my shoulder and he kissed a path up to my jaw. I shivered at the contact. It wasn't like we hadn't been intimate before, but this was so much different. There would be so much more tonight.

I turned around in his arms and my lips found his. It was the deepest kiss we had shared all day. He cupped my face in both his hands as my back was pressed into the window and my arms circled his neck. I didn't even care if people on the street could see us. Not that there was likely to be anyone down there anyway.

I melted into his touch as his thumb rubbed gentle circles along my jaw while we kissed. I wanted to drown in him. Nothing else existed now. There would be nothing but us until the harsh light of morning brought life's realities crashing down on us.

I refused to think about that. I had my husband, and he was apparently quite anxious to get me into bed. I couldn't say that I blamed him. I had been anticipating this for months now.

"I should let you get ready… Or whatever it is ladies do," he said when we finally separated.

I laughed softly. "Yes. I told you earlier this dress wasn't your last surprise."

"I love where this is going, beautiful."

"I'm sure you do," I said before disappearing into the oversized bathroom.

I sat down at the vanity and removed the pins from my hair and brushed it out so that it cascaded over my shoulders in gentle waves. I knew Carlisle would love that. Once I had changed into the gown Rose bought for me, I stood back to look at myself in the mirror.

I hardly recognized the woman staring back at me. She couldn't stop smiling, and she absolutely radiated happiness. She was married and she was in love.

I turned to go to my husband but paused with my hand on the doorknob. I looked back over my shoulder at the necklace that was resting on the vanity. I smiled, thinking how proud Charles would be if he could see me. I knew my father was right about that. He was watching over me as I began my new life.

A life I couldn't wait to start.

I walked out of the bathroom to find Carlisle lounging on the bed, both arms behind his head, eyes closed, looking completely relaxed. His coat and tie had been removed and he had undone the first few buttons of his shirt.

He had never looked more gorgeous than he did in that moment. Not even in his dress uniform during the ceremony.

When he opened his eyes his jaw dropped, making me want to laugh.

"Holy…"

He breathed out slowly, shaking his head in amazement. "Which one of them deserves the thank you note?"

"Rose."

"I figured."

He lifted his arms and beckoned for me to come to him. I settled myself on the bed beside him, loving the way his arms closed around me while his hand went into my hair.

"I'll need to send her a gift," he whispered against my jaw.

"I take it you like it?"

"I love it, Esme. Almost as much as I love you."

He kissed a path along my jaw, and I tilted my head to the side to give him better access as his lips trailed down my neck.

"Lie back," he whispered.

I settled further into the pillows so that I was on my back and Carlisle stretched out next to me, never removing his lips from my skin. My fingers wove into his hair as one of his legs found its way between mine and his fingers teased the edge of my gown.

"Are you nervous?" he whispered against my skin.

"Not even a little bit."

He looked up and smiled when our eyes met. "You are too perfect, Mrs. Cullen."

Mrs. Cullen. I _loved_ the way that sounded.

"I need you, Doctor Cullen," I said. "Right now."

He groaned. "So do I, Esme. So do I."

He hovered above me as our lips met. My fingers deftly worked each button of his dress shirt, and I slipped it off his shoulders, tossing it to the floor. The soft glow of the lamplight made him look like an angel. His blonde hair sat like a halo, but his smile was entirely too devilish.

He sat back on his legs and unbuckled his pants while I watched, desperate for what awaited me.

Without thinking I reached over and rubbed my hand over his obvious erection.

He let his head fall back and sighed. "Esme, that feels too good," he whispered.

"There's no such thing, Carlisle. No such thing at all."

He chuckled and slipped his pants all the way off, letting them join his shirt on the floor. I loved plain white boxers. They left nothing at all to the imagination.

"I want to see you," he said, returning his lips to my neck and dragging them down my chest until they reached the top of my gown.

I pulled myself out of his arms, earning a soft "no" from my husband's lips.

"You wanted to see me," I told him as I stood beside the bed, holding the sash that tied my gown.

He held his breath as he watched me, his entire face filled with need. It was an incredible sight. The anticipation was killing him.

I slowly pulled the sash and let the gown fall to the floor, never taking my eyes away from my husband's. His eyes widened as they traveled over me. I wore absolutely nothing under my gown and was now completely bare before him.

He immediately pulled me back onto the bed and into the circle of his arms. The crisp material of his shirt felt amazing against my bare skin, but I couldn't wait to get it off him. I frantically pulled on the ends of his shirt while we kissed.

"In a hurry, are we?"

I nodded. "Need… you… please."

He pulled back just long enough to pull the plain white t-shirt over his head, and now sat beside me in nothing but his boxers. I ran my hand slowly up and down the smooth skin of his chest, marveling at its perfection. My fingers traced each line of his abdomen while his teased circles across my skin, reaching higher and higher until finally he came to my breast.

Without a word he pulled me across him so that I settled into his lap with my legs on either side of his. I was aching with need and the obvious effect I had on him only strengthened my desire for him.

"Sit up higher," he said, pulling me to him so that my chest was level with his face.

One strong hand steadied my back as he lowered his mouth to my breast, gently teasing my nipple. I sucked in a breath and shuddered.

"Does that feel good?" he asked.

"So good," I said.

I gazed down at him, running my fingers through his hair as he lavished attention on my chest. He kissed his way up my chest and over my shoulder before settling me back down on his lap.

His fingers skimmed down my sides, and I bit my lip in anticipation of what I knew was coming. I gasped when they finally dragged through my curls and slipped further down. I moved further onto his hand as my head fell to his shoulder.

"I love you, sweetheart," he whispered before slipping one long, perfect finger inside me. His movements were gentle, but every moment I felt more and more control slipping away from me. His own breathing quickened as his fingers brought me closer to the edge.

It was only minutes before I came apart in his arms, kissing him hard as I let go. I laughed softly as I fought to regain control of my breathing.

"That was incredible, Carlisle."

"And I'm not even done with you yet," he said, grinning like the cat that ate the canary.

I collapsed onto the bed beside him, smiling while he ran his hand over my legs, exploring.

"I can't wait to memorize every part of you, my beautiful wife."

I reached up and ran my hand over his jaw. "We have our whole lives ahead of us, baby. Plenty of time."

He leaned forward to kiss me while my hand moved to the front of his boxers once more. "They have to go," I whispered against his lips.

He nodded. "You're absolutely right about that."

Once his boxers had joined the rest of our clothing on the floor I wasted no time in reaching out to touch him. He took a slow breath as I curiously ran my hand up and down his length.

"I don't want to wait any longer," I told him.

He shook his head. "You don't have to."

And with that he hovered over me, skin against skin, and kissed me deeply as he entered me.

There could never be any words to describe the sensation of finally having Carlisle inside me after so many months of waiting. We were without a doubt made to fit together.

He moved gently at first, helping me adjust to him. I wanted him so desperately. I gripped his shoulders tightly as we moved. It could have been days that we stayed there like that, locked in each other's embrace, moving together. There was nothing but the two of us – all sense of time forgotten as we loved each other.

My entire body was on fire and when I let go for the second time, my husband's grip only tightened as he followed only minutes later.

He remained suspended above me as we both struggled to catch our breaths. We shared light kisses as he rolled off me and pulled me into his arms. I intertwined my leg with his and laid my head on his chest, content to never move from that spot again.

We stayed there in total silence, the only sound in the room coming from the ceiling fan above us. The gentle motion of Carlisle's hand rubbing my shoulder relaxed me into a near state of sleep, even though my body was still on a high.

I honestly couldn't believe we had managed to wait so long for this night. But now I would never wait for him again. I wanted to have him over and over until the sun came up. I never wanted to stop.

"Esme?" he finally whispered.

"Yeah?"

"I love you,"

I picked my head up and propped it on my hand. "I love you too, Carlisle. That was just… wow." I laughed and shook my head.

"I know what you mean," he said with a grin. "I can't believe we didn't do that sooner."

"But look at it this way. Now we can have each other whenever we want."

"Yes, we can. And I plan on having you several more times before the sun comes up." He quickly rolled me over, taking me by surprise, and making me laugh loudly.

It would be only hours before the sun would rise on our first day as a married couple and we would begin our new life together – for better or worse, whatever came our way we would be by each other's side. But here tonight, while we were still suspended in time together, my husband could have me as many times as he wished.

* * *

**Male ana means wedding.**

**Thank you, Mackenzie and Kelley, and thank you all so much for reading! **


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